Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where Amanda Seyfried just saw a cat get run over, you can literally smell the dirty litter box wafting off of this Tim Burton pic, The Rock flexes his armpit pecs that Earthly science has no explanation for, and finally Joan Cusack knows that she’s not the biggest celebrity in Hollywood but Jesus Christ, is this the biggest black microphone they could find?
You know there’s no way Boner Boy didn’t bruise the hell out of her back zipping this thing up,
- Photo Boy
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She does have great tits!!
From your lips to my hands.
but the other table is missing their wine colored tablecloth
Dear Tyra, 1:1 is not the sacred ratio between forehead and cleavage.
Those must be her parents. Who else would let their picture be taken with her and look so utterly disappointed?
As if the mother wasn’t enough – eeeeeeek!
Unfortunately, that poor kid is going to look just like mom in the very near future…
Ten bucks says I can bounce this of the wall into the trash can behind me.
‘Roids are a hell of a drug.
Amanda sez: “Oh, me likee.”
if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck then….
He was Iceman so so so very long ago.
…and now he’s freezer-burnt man. They should never have thawed him out.
Beek-a-Boo
James van der Peek
Does he wax his armpits?
What armpits? I think they’ve just become muscle at this point.
Guys shave everything now except for their faces. BTW, if you shave your genitals you are a fucking douchebag. Seriously, if you do that, just wear panties too.
C’mon, cc! Guys should at least trim. Otherwise, us girls get your pubes up our noses. And that just tickles.
I have a full bush and sheer panties on. right now.
When was your last blowjob, curly?
Saturday
Look! You can literally see her suck the life out of him.
Awkward thing: they’re both looking at Kim’s nude shots.
Look! You can literally see her suck the life out of him.
The Rock is going to rape the shit out of that white boy.
Damn that girl is hot as hell.
Still unimportant.
Boing.
I CAN smell the Rock.
Really with those teeth?
In the background: Dude caught looking and woman who is not talking to him right now.
Scott: “In this one, Kort’s pretending to be dead. And this one. And this one. And…”
That little shit got a what?!?
no its, ” I am so fucking constipated”…
Her dad looks like her Dorian Gray portrait…
Peace. Now show me the buffet!
I would need a latter but I still would…
nice landing strip
fucking laughing stock, dude
Er, LADDER?
No way I would now OR latter
ladder?
If I were an old man and felt those black claws closing upon my shoulder I would assume that the Reaper had sent one of his succubus for me.
Wow, this is the greatest case of the disappearing bulge since Beyonce’s pregnancy…
Man girdle?
nah, the male Spanx
I’ve made all the tranny and Plasmatics jokes I can, so let me just say, great tits, Wendy.
Douche and Douchier
Isn’t it impossible for this much douchiness to exist so close to each other?
She’s so hot I have a boner and I’m not even her son.
Michael Moore is doing amazingly after his weight loss surgery…
Wait—they made another Truman Capote movie?
Well apparently someone wasn’t going to be upstaged by Tyra in the forehead-to-cleavage ratio…
What’s with the anal beads Joan?
The shart knows no mercy…
Mariah Carey let herself go.
I dunno. I think Mary Carey pretty much looks the same. Oh wait, Mariah? That’s a totally different person.
I think this is what you’d get if you combined Mariah Carey and Mary Carey.
and under the skirt.. Jim Carrey
Mariah must have redistributed her baby weight in a very interesting manner.
Heeyyyyyyyyy is that a shrimp cocktail????
So so so so so still would…
What? Oh OK, I’ll just follow Val to the buffet.
“It’s about time my brother got an honor for his ability to make even the most far fetched concept seem credible. Most recently, he had to make audiences believe Edgar Allen Poe crawled out of an opium den/coma and solved crimes…..sure, anyone under the age of 30 will think this is based on facts anyways…but he also had to convince Hollywood that he was a big name star….which is why we’re here today.”
“Hey Val! How many decades has it been since you were relevant??
“Yes I am a daddy’s girl. Do what with the cigar?”
The divorce has been the hardest on the children.
Did they get divorced the same day she was born?
You know it’s laundry day when he has to pilfer for clothes in his Funky Bunch closet.
C’mon, c’mon…
feel it feel it!!
Everyone knows this lame poser bitch is white, right?
She’s Italian and African American. I would’ve thought it obvious to ‘everyone’ that she’s of mixed descent. You’re a lame, Josh.
She isn’t African if she wasn’t born there.
Actually she’s Italian and Cape Verdean, which is to say she’s Italian and Portguese. Sorry sweetheart, but Josh hit the nail on the head.
Please, please… I think we can all agree that she’s a giant twat and move on.
Iveski, I apologize! I meant to hit the thumbs-up sign.
Goddammit.
What the fuck is this, reverse racism? Who in the fuck gives two rolling shits what color she is? Does it matter? And for the record, I think she’s gorgeous!
Motorboat motorboat go so slow….
Angling for the title of Zombie Goth Sex Goddess.
who’s she competing with? Seriously? She’s fuck for Satan and she’s got this one in the bag, doc.
There are legitimate contenders in every high school and college across this great land.
Easier to look at than Marilyn Manson, at least.
The poor bastard just looks like he wants someone to kill him already.
She just noticed some fresh roadkill in the street and is considering all of the possibilities.