Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where Michael Bay gets ready to bang his car until it begs him to stop in sassy jive talk, Michael Fassbender pitches himself for the lead in Gladiator 2, “No, what I’m telling you is that it will fight the tigers“, and say what you will about Hugh Jackman being gay, he still has to deal with a wife that won’t stop talking even when he’s on the phone.
In answer to every email with the subject line WHAT’S WITH ALL OF THE RITA RUSIC PICTURES??!! Today she’s wearing a green bikini.
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
“Fuck it”
Did her giant vagina finally swallow a huge doughnut? These are the things I must know…
“Mr. Scott, meet my penis. And he’s quite impressed with you, I must say.”
Yummy!
No, Michael. For the last time, I don’t want to see your “revelation”..
“Whose the toughest toddler in Tinseltown? Me! Why doesn’t anyone believe that?”
One Direction? I don’t buy it for a second.
Bwahahahahahahahaha! That may have been the first time a comment made me literally LOL.
On a mission to cross the border… and bring domestic help back…
“Yeah yeah, the ol’ ball and chain is still yapping… So you’ll be there tonight around 8:00? With your 3 hot friends right? Good…”
Aw, look at him trying to impersonate Fassbender. It’s so cute when they’re senile!
“Who’s a (smack) bad boy!? (smack)”
“I (umph) am….(umph), I am!”
“Bloody ‘ell, are you done with ‘im yet. I’ve been waiting for 15 minutes.”
How many interns do you think are in that SUV?
Look, a gunt!
ENOUGH WITH THAT SHIT.
Second.
There how to be someone else in a bikini or less
I like the “or less” part.
Sick! I hate fake knockers! Your boobs are supposed to lie down when you do. Damn, some bitches just be dumb.
Hey, not everyone can have great hooters like yours, kimmy.
I know, TomFrank. Life is sooo difficult!
Hey, @suck it! I ain’t got shit to be jealous of. Trust me. Beeeef!! It’s the tit to arm ratio and her’s is bad. Learn it. Just because somebody doesn’t like bolt-ons doesn’t mean they’re jealous or hating. Sometimes a tit job can look good and natural. This one not so much. So, suck it, bitch.
Blah blah blah… another jealous bitch! Stop hating, her tits look fine.
You know you are on the C-list when you have to backpack and hitchhike your way to the studio from the airport.
or from the airport to your studio apartment,
He’s on C-List? Yeah, I don’t generally check casual encounters, especially m4m.
That’s a body made for bumping.
Wait a minute… has anyone seen Reese Witherspoon or Kristin Cavallari at the same place at the same time? I’m begining to think they might be the same person. That, or one is an A list celebrity and the other is a reality show whore with a douchebag finace. Both with sizable chins though.
Also: same sunglasses.
…grips the bow and prepares to recieve the bottle…
fap fap fap . . .
She really looks good here, in a sort of “did someone just stick their fist up my ass” kind of way.
I think we all know where that beer bottle’s going to end up.
I wonder why the one kid got stuck with guide it in duty? He looks like the sort of dude that would be content with being in the front sans reach around.
You remember my son Blair?
Yeah. We went to a few ball games together. He joined the bureau, didn’t he?
Yeah.
How is he?
[pauses] Dead.
It must be tiring to look like a tool 24/7.
pretty sure that shit is effortless.
Seems a tad expensive, though, what with all the hair gel and spray-on tan.
Disney called and the want Pluto back.
Look at that Herculean strength
And just out of view is megan Fox desperately trying to get her career back.
Wow, she’s looks the same as she did in her pre-pregnancy bikini shots from 4 months ago… and I don’t mean that in a good way
Sucking in though her mouth.
Sucking in through her crotch.
And the baby is sucking in her belly.
She is going Alicia Silverstone a little early in the pregnancy.
Now that is how you do pregancy… lookin’ at you Hillary Duff and Jessica Simpson
“I said, ‘Gimme back my fucking headband!’”
This? THIS?!? This is the biggest thing in music???? Good God, no wonder this country is fucked.
“I’ve been dead once already. It’s very liberating. You should think of it as, uh… therapy.”
Writing a joke about this would be like those motivational-poster style images that point out the obvious and are therefore redundant.
He turned his head so fast, his hat stayed where it was.
No, I don’t have a banana in BOTH pockets, I’m just really, really glad to see you !.
I say her nickname from here on out is “The Puffster”
Or The Fluffer
Enjoy the shoes, Cock Dr.
The color is springtime appropriate; nothing wrong with this pixie boy indulging in a little footwear flair.
“What do you mean the tabloids are claiming I’m gay?! I’m married to Debora Lee”
“Exactly.”
Four cylinders under there, each of them exploding! exploding! exploding!…Pants! I need new pants!
You banned my IP address for posting the Mahommed cartoons.
One. That’s Ok, I don’t get this liberal stuff either and
Two. Why bother?
He’s so cool and edgy.
Bad botox! Bad botox!
Not having an ass shot to go with this picture just made fapping twice as hard.
Dicks.
You little bastards get offa my lawn!
I don’t really care how big your dick is. I got Charlize Theron in bed because I’m a producer.
Emmitt Smith is looking good!
Lots of breeders in Hollywood these days.
only gay people say breeders
I’ll be whatever you want, the bong in this reggae song
Cuckoo.
If men could have kids we’d do it jumping out of aeroplanes or racing to be first to pop one out on top of Everest. And your choices would be all natural or a bottle of Jack. Women can be such… women
“Thank you for tuning in for this week’s episode of ‘Why Nature Doesn’t Allow Men to Have Babies.’”
Right, because when you have a fucking head cold you’re so kick ass and not whiney at all like you’re dying every minute.
Someone get me some coke and a pair of rollerskates, STAT!
The new Sandusky Boat Tours is doing surprisingly well.
Expecting the pregnancy announcement any day now.