The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 3.5.14

March 5th, 2014 // 460 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, our daily feature where I make wildly untrue speculations like this one about how Alec Baldwin raids trash cans now (Sound familiar?) or this one about Ashton Kutcher who haha, what? No, babe, he just thought he recognized that girl from the gym or something, but no, that’s not…oh maybe she works at Starbucks, yeah he’s pretty sure he’s seen her there anyway, why would she wear jeans that tight? Like who even wants to see that?

Fellas, let me know how that conversation plays out, I’ll be over here deleting ‘WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME, YOU FUCK?!’ emails from my inbox,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Rafael Nadal Outdoor Shower With Another Man Cancun
    Commented on this photo:

    Has Rafael gone from online poker to showertime pok’em?

  2. Gene Simmons Weird Hand Signals 300 Rise Of An Empire Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    He must be young…he does have one gray hair.

  3. Jonah Hill Girlfriend Isabelle McNally
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “If you keep calling me Leo, I’m gonna have to start calling you Kevin James with a crew cut.”

  4. Jared Leto Scarf High Fashion Shoes LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    I got nothing funny or nice to say…only that I hate this guy.

  5. Simon Cowell Shirtless Hairy Manboobs
    Commented on this photo:

    Taking moobs, to the next level. Well done, Sir. Well done.

  6. Chelsea Handler Ronan Farrow Pointing At Tits 92nd Street Y Presents An Evening With Chelsea Handler And Ronan Farrow
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Ronan Farrow after being asked “Why is the bartender out of 100 proof Absolut?”

  7. Emily Ratajkowski Butt Bending Over Taking Off Pants Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    If women are correct, that men are dogs. Could I be blamed if I sniffed her ass? Just curious…

  8. Rihanna Cleavage Thigh High Tights Miu Miu Show Fashion Week Paris
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t rag on Rihanna right now. She’s become so considerate recently by covering up her forehead. Now, got to work on hiding the entire stupid ass underboob tattoo.

  9. Pamela Anderson Legs Jumper Husband Rick Salomon Sweatpants Old Man Sweater
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, those Hollywood glamour couples!

  10. Tiger Woods Lower Back Stretch 13th Green The Honda Classic PGA Final Round
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m Arnold Palmers arch nemesis, Black Tri-pod.”

  11. Goldie Hawn Drunk Messy Hair
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does her hair consistently look like she’s coming off of a five day bender?

  12. Jared Leto Scarf High Fashion Shoes LAX
    thecrazybetty
    Commented on this photo:

    settle down mary.

  13. Tiger Woods Lower Back Stretch 13th Green The Honda Classic PGA Final Round
    Commented on this photo:

    Judging from Tiger’s golf game, he needs his dick to do more of the swinging.

  14. Joe Jonas Gay Waldo
    EenL
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, dude .. dude .. stop. Do that thing where your stuck in the box and you can’t get out. You know, the invisible closet thing.

  15. Lena Headey Stroke Mouth 300 Rise Of An Empire Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh man … oh man … is there such a thing as a mouth condom? Why the hell did I agree to go to a sex therapist? ‘You’re not half as big as Tommy, Rick, but Pam would like you to make up for it orally’!”

  16. Pamela Anderson Legs Jumper Husband Rick Salomon Sweatpants Old Man Sweater
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh man … oh man … is there such a thing as a mouth condom? Why the hell did I agree to go to a sex therapist? ‘You’re not half as big as Tommy, Rick, but Pam would like you to make up for it orally’!”

  17. Michelle Rodriguez Black Face Mask Bra See Through Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Ding black face is never a good choice.

  18. Ireland Baldwin Texting While Driving Boyfriend Slater Trout
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    Playing Words With Friends while driving, Ireland?

  19. Teri Hatcher Tank Top Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Aliens have landed! And they’re very health oriented.

  20. Chelsea Handler Ronan Farrow Pointing At Tits 92nd Street Y Presents An Evening With Chelsea Handler And Ronan Farrow
    Am I the only one
    Commented on this photo:

    Am I the only one who is bothered that he seems to be cashing in on his fame, which he only has because his alleged father allegedly molested his sister?

  21. Lena Headey Stroke Mouth 300 Rise Of An Empire Premiere
    dennis
    Commented on this photo:

    Dinkage must be down there helping through the vinegar strokes.

  22. Chelsea Handler Ronan Farrow Pointing At Tits 92nd Street Y Presents An Evening With Chelsea Handler And Ronan Farrow
    Lis
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy! Isn’t he great? Yeah…. this guy.

  23. Tito Ortiz Wonky Eye 300 Rise Of An Empire Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Tito needs to talk to Barry Bonds about coordinating cranium growth with everything else.

  24. Lea Michele Mouth Open Tongue Out Louder Album Signing Sony Store
    dennis
    Commented on this photo:

    Here’s the bitch that must have really ended Paula Patton’s marriage. She’s even wearing his Robin’s jacket.

  25. Gene Simmons Weird Hand Signals 300 Rise Of An Empire Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Kiss Hard: The Dewey Cox and Whoopie Goldberg love child story.

  26. Simon Cowell Shirtless Hairy Manboobs
    Commented on this photo:

    Did Simon just get the alien orgasm treatment like in Cocoon?

  27. Rihanna Cleavage Thigh High Tights Miu Miu Show Fashion Week Paris
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought she was from Barbados???

  28. Teri Hatcher Tank Top Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought it was Kate Gosselin…

  29. Michelle Rodriguez Black Face Mask Bra See Through Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Doing her best Gaga impression. I totally thought that was Lady Gaga.

  30. Simon Cowell Shirtless Hairy Manboobs
    Commented on this photo:

    God damn he’s gross

  31. Simon Cowell Shirtless Hairy Manboobs
    ManBoobs
    Commented on this photo:

    One would think that with a net worth value of over $400mil, he could afford to get those sloppy boobies fixed up… amiright?!

  32. Goldie Hawn Drunk Messy Hair
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    40 years ago this was sexy. Now it’s just sad.

  33. Goldie Hawn Drunk Messy Hair
    Commented on this photo:

    Still totally would…

  34. Jonah Hill Girlfriend Isabelle McNally
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why did you take your mom to the Oscars intead of me?”

    Looks in mirror.

    “Oh, right.”

  35. Coolio Holding Mask Eleven Paris Party
    Commented on this photo:

    So that’s what happened to Rey Mysterio, Coolio killed him. And here I thought he just got sat on accidentally by the Big Show.

  36. David Hasselhoff Skull Ring
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    His superhero skill is that he can smell any Wendy’s within a 10 mile radius.

  37. Joe Simpson Man Sitting On Lap Naluda Magazine March Issue Launch Party
    Commented on this photo:

    At least the boys that he want are of legal age.

  38. Ashton Kutcher Checking Out Chicks Ass In Front Of Mila Kunis Laker Game
    Commented on this photo:

    “What?…I’m just watching the game!”
    “It’s halftime you idiot!”

  39. Chelsea Handler Ronan Farrow Pointing At Tits 92nd Street Y Presents An Evening With Chelsea Handler And Ronan Farrow
    Nick4ca
    Commented on this photo:

    His finger is like 1 inch away from her nipple. I bet it happened like 2 seconds after this shot.

  40. Teri Hatcher Tank Top Yoga Pants
    Nick4ca
    Commented on this photo:

    Are they still Real and Spectacular?

  41. Tito Ortiz Wonky Eye 300 Rise Of An Empire Premiere
    Nick4ca
    Commented on this photo:

    The steroids took all the mass out of his formerly huge penis and shifted to his face.

  42. Lena Headey Stroke Mouth 300 Rise Of An Empire Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Will all you perverts stop saying ‘Durr I liked you in 300… you had nice tits.’ That’s not a compliment!”

  43. Alexander Skarsgard Holding Poster LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    You saw the Terminator, now Alexander Skarsgard is…The Impregnator!

  44. Jonah Hill Girlfriend Isabelle McNally
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look…I don’t mind wearing the strap on Jonah, but is it too much for me to ask that you stop calling me Leo?”

  45. Chelsea Handler Ronan Farrow Pointing At Tits 92nd Street Y Presents An Evening With Chelsea Handler And Ronan Farrow
    Commented on this photo:

    “Excuse me, can someone re-inflate these balloons?”

  46. Neil Patrick Harris Mouth Open JFK Airport
    Commented on this photo:

    His viral load looks like it’s rising.

  47. Joe Jonas Gay Waldo
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dude…Did you know with each pair of skinny jeans you buy, you get a promise ring for your cock?”

  48. Candice Swanepoel Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Never cared for her one bit.

  49. DJ Irie Donald Trump The Opening Drive Party
    Commented on this photo:

    “Can I get a scotch and soda?”
    “I DON’T WORK HERE OLD LADY!”

  50. Ireland Baldwin Texting While Driving Boyfriend Slater Trout
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, she looks like shit, he ain’t looking so hot either.

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