The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 2.13.13

February 13th, 2013 // 305 Comments

It was in that moment that huge breasts spared the lives of countless people. Dorner retreated, excited to tell some buddies in Big Bear how he’s pretty sure he saw some nipple. Could’ve been a shadow, but he’s pretty sure…

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed that just made a terrible joke at the expense of a national tragedy because having emotions is for people who wear pants to work. Although, I know you guys can’t wait to surrender a sizeable chunk of your own souls making fun of the rest of these people, so here goes: Josh Duhamel, who can see his wife’s penis from there, Hilary Duff, who grew a third asscheek (I’ll allow it.), Ted Vagina, and David Hasselhoff, who’s super excited because when his flight left for Sydney, McDonald’s was serving breakfast, then when he landed — STILL BREAKFAST!!

Time zone jokes, got ‘em (Full Disclaimer: I did absolutely no research to fact-check if this is even remotely accurate.),

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Constantine Maroulis Weird Beard Jekyll And Hyde Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    I like his little chin ass.

  2. Bear Grylls Skinny Legs
    Commented on this photo:

    Better drink his own piss.

  3. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    The Observation Specialist
    Commented on this photo:

    She is attractive.

  4. Ted Vagina Will Ferrell Moustache Lakers Game
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    MUGATU

  5. Alexander Ludwig Hugging David Spade
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    awkward bro-hug

  6. Jeremy Irons Pants Tucked Into Boots
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t this the guy that complained that actors are childish? Said something about wanting to be a grown-up?

  7. Famke Janssen Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Premiere Berlin
    Commented on this photo:

    Demi really needs to get over Ass-ton

  8. Lisa Seiffert Bikini
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    When your fart bubbles are pink, it’s time to see your gastroenterologist.

  9. Bar Refaeli Cleavage Yoga Pants Twitter
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    My mother always said, if you keep drinking like that, you’ll spend your life in a bar. If only she was right.

  10. Constantine Maroulis Weird Beard Jekyll And Hyde Premiere
    GLT
    Commented on this photo:

    Fantastic douchebeard. It really complements the douchehair and douchesuit.

  11. Katherine Heigl Jenny Packham Fall Fasion Show
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    So you’re saying there’s a chance I could get back on Grey’s Anatomy?

  12. Oprah Huge Butt Tight Dress Beyonce: Life Is But A Dream Premiere
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Just remember, this is baby weight on Kim Kardashian. Oh wait…a…minute…

  13. Kate Upton Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Commented on this photo:

    “eyes up top or imma smack your face”

  14. Famke Janssen Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Premiere Berlin
    Commented on this photo:

    Still would’ve stuck with her over Gisele.

  15. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she doesn’t have to buy all new clothes since everything she owns is already meant for pregnant women.

  16. Ted Vagina Will Ferrell Moustache Lakers Game
    Commented on this photo:

    Turd Ferguson. It’s a funny name.

  17. Alexander Ludwig Hugging David Spade
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “When this paparazzo leaves, I’m gonna tear that ascot off with my teeth.”

  18. Hanna Davis Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Commented on this photo:

    are you kidding me?

    Already?

  19. Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans
    Commented on this photo:

    She believes in the boyscout motto of leaving it better than nicer than when you arrived!

  20. Oprah Huge Butt Tight Dress Beyonce: Life Is But A Dream Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s actually leaning over to fart and there are BEEP BEEP BEEP sounds coming from that giant trunk from that brief sway backwards…

  21. David Beckham Soccer Team Wearing Matching Black Suits
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t grab balls … don’t grab … must … stop … right hand …”

  22. Constantine Maroulis Weird Beard Jekyll And Hyde Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “You killed my boyfr-….father, prepare to die”

  23. Oprah Huge Butt Tight Dress Beyonce: Life Is But A Dream Premiere
    Miss Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking forward to the premier of ‘Oprah: Life Is But…t’

  24. Constantine Maroulis Weird Beard Jekyll And Hyde Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    BieberHole69

  25. Josh Duhamel Save Haven Photo Call Empire State Building Observatory
    hugh gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    Where did my career go???…oh there it is! No wait, it’s just a homeless guy pooping…

  26. Bear Grylls Skinny Legs
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, he looks like he’s dying

  27. Joe Jonas Nick Jonas With Group Of Men
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s a drive by when you need one?

  28. Adaora Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look into my eyes…..no, the big one”

  29. Kate Upton Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Commented on this photo:

    So, who is Shortie McFivehead?

  30. Hanna Davis Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Commented on this photo:

    I can see her nipples. Is it Christmas already?

  31. Quentin Tarantino Django Unchained Tokyo Premiere
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously, QT is over hyped. He really hasn’t made a great movie since Pulp Fiction. (Kill Bill was good, B+). He did not deserve an academy award nomination for either Inglorious Basterds nor this years, Django Unchained. Ang Lee should win best picture for ‘Life of Pi’ (but, most likely will not, against good ol’ AbrahamLincoln – Vampire Hunter. What? – Abe was a vampire killer, for real, ya’ll).

  32. Kate Upton Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Commented on this photo:

    “Really…well, six times in one day is a lot. I have heard of more, but that’s great. I’m glad you like my pictures that much, but I’m still not signing it.”

  33. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim Kardashian in Los Angeles, and Ventura County as well. That’s how big she’s gotten.

  34. Carmen Electra Butt Tight Dress
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    omg…that dress fabric really makes me wanna just squeeze that butt. I can almost feel that in my hands. I talk alot crap about her, but she is super fine.

  35. Ted Vagina Will Ferrell Moustache Lakers Game
    Commented on this photo:

    Will Ferrell with a mustache. It’s the new glasses with a fake nose.

  36. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes, please

  37. Alexander Ludwig Hugging David Spade
    Commented on this photo:

    “I know it was you, Spade. You broke my heart.”

  38. Eliza Coupe Bill Paxton Perv Moustache
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    “Thats it, man. Game over, man. Game over!”

  39. Quentin Tarantino Django Unchained Tokyo Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “And then, boom, he shoves the needle right into Uma’s heart! Remember that part? What’s happened to me since then? What’s happened to me?!?!?”

  40. Joe Jonas Nick Jonas With Group Of Men
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    “All I’m saying is, one of you guys grabbed my ass when we walked out of the restaurant . Was it you, Luther?”

  41. Kate Upton Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Commented on this photo:

    So that’s where Christopher Dorner has been hiding.

  42. David Beckham Soccer Team Wearing Matching Black Suits
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’ll be just like the Thomas Crown Affair. Only with soccer balls. And someone kills my wife. No time for questions. Go now!”

  43. Hanna Davis Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    HOLY BALLS!

  44. Kate Upton Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    this gal is really not that pretty or interesting and she is somewhat chunky, with no real toning evident – yet she makes a lucrative career on her tits alone – these are the times in which we live

  45. Solange Knowles Legs Minidress Huge Afro Beyonce: Life Is But A Dream Premiere
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Pants off, Dance off.

  46. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Many cans of Crisco died, so she could squeeze into those pants.

  47. Brooke Shields Scary Face
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s almost to the point of un-doable. (ALMOST)

    • Dick Hell

      I was going to say it would have to be doggy-style but then I imagined that face looking back over her shoulder at me… Now I’m just afraid.

    • Mr. Snazzy

      Actually sir, she is now at the Totally Un-Doable state. Such a shame. She was once a foxy mamma, just like Linda Fiorentino was. Ok, now I’m depressed and need to think of a beautiful white woman I would go down on within 2 seconds (Hmmmm, let’s see: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Kate Upton, Phoebe Tonkin). Whew, ok. Feeling much better. Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

  48. Kate Upton Cleavage Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Kick Off Event
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    In every photo like this, there’s a black man in the background saying it all with his “I think this bitch just farted” face.

  49. Jeremy Irons Pants Tucked Into Boots
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Calm down. It’s Germany. This is actually too normal.

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