The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 2.12.14

February 12th, 2014 // 320 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you before tomorrow’s all day snow and ice dickpunch. In anticipation of nature throwing another tree into my circuit breaker, I ressurected the Final Five again and stuffed it full of Gloria’s ass. But before you deplete your battery life gazing into that and then knife your family over the last can of Beefaroni, check out Ireland Baldwin pre-Instagram filter, or GAH! as I’m calling it, Pope Francis‘ first miracle – feeding an entire crowd with only three balloon penises, and this series of shots from whatever the hell this movie is starring Ted with a cock, because we can all agree that great parody begins and ends with dick jokes.

Wait, did I just negate our entire creative process? EJECT!

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, WENN

superficial

  1. Hoda Kotb Kathie Lee Gifford Drunk The Today Show
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Bad lighting and plastic surgery scars just don’t mix well.

  2. Jude Law Sticking Tongue Out Noel Coward Theatre Signing Autographs
    George P. Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, I’m a lumberjack, and I’m okay,
    I sleep all night and I work all day.

    I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
    Suspenders and a bra.

  3. Farrah Abraham Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    “Back Door Teen Mom 3 — They Bear it All”

  4. Richard Sherman Death Glare Malcolm Smith Jimmy Kimmel Live
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    ooh ooh ooh, I love their shoes

  5. Sofia Vergara Butt Yoga Pants
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Not shown: Deacon Jones following her with flowers & duct tape.

  6. Sean Penn Charlize Theron Hanjob In Car After Charity Dinner
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Good luck, darling. That hasn’t worked since Madonna got super-herpes on it.

  7. Sean Penn Charlize Theron Hanjob In Car After Charity Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    “Goddamn it, you dick, you never backed away from anything in your life! Now fight! Fight! Fight! Right now! Do it! FIGHT, GODDAMNED IT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIIIIGHT!”

  8. Hoda Kotb Kathie Lee Gifford Drunk The Today Show
    George P. Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    Jon Hamm dressing room with a one way mirror wall is stage left.

  9. Tara Reid Jamie Kennedy Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    “Noooot without gloves on…”

  10. Madonna Cleavage Hard Canty Fitness Opening Toronto
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    The pussy behind her has a wooden stake, but not the guts to use it.

  11. Ireland Baldwin Derpface Selfie Red Carpet Samsung Galaxy Backstage Lounge Fashion Week
    Visible Ink
    Commented on this photo:

    - I’m stuck. I can’t get it out!
    - Hold still. It’s not long enough yet.
    - Don’t jank it too quick. It’ll tense up and won’t move.
    - This was a short trip. Why did I even let you talk me into it?!
    - Stop complaining or we’ll never get this seat belt loose!

  12. Midget Terra Jole Grabbing Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s a white Tila Tequila?

  13. Farrah Abraham Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mom? I’m hungry…”
    “Shut up, Sophia. Remember? You’re a bear, tonight. If you do a good job, I’ll get you two whole lettuce leaves. You don’t want to end up a fatso like Honey Boo Boo, do you?”

  14. Elizabeth Hurley Nipples 2014 Portrait Gala Collecting To Inspire National
    Visible Ink
    Commented on this photo:

    Timeless, flawless, braless.

  15. Wladimir Klitschko Alex Leapai Face To Face Fists Raised Upcoming Fight Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    “You haves no chance, Alex. I see prophecy on USA channel. I beat you and you dies. Only you had fro. And were black. But you dies all the same.”

  16. Hoda Kotb Kathie Lee Gifford Drunk The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    No wine glasses or vodka bottles? Fucking photoshop.

  17. Isla Fisher Butt Yoga Pants Gillian Jacobs Visions Set
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    This movie is why we have mute buttons on our remotes.

  18. Lauren Goodger Butt Tigth Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Orange loves the new black.

  19. Wladimir Klitschko Alex Leapai Face To Face Fists Raised Upcoming Fight Press Conference
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Rock!
    Rock!
    Dammit!
    Okay, round 47…

  20. Elizabeth Hurley Nipples 2014 Portrait Gala Collecting To Inspire National
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    And there goes Linda Tripp, in the background, taking notes, still hoping to impeach former prez Clinton. Senile dementia at it’s very darn best.

  21. Midget Terra Jole Grabbing Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    Who here among us hasn’t gotten at least a dry handie from a midget?

  22. Wladimir Klitschko Alex Leapai Face To Face Fists Raised Upcoming Fight Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    Do it! Call me “Laurence Fishburne” again. C;mon!!

  23. Farrah Abraham Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    10 secs later Farrah tried to suck the bear’s dick and had to be dragged away. Instinct kicked in .

  24. Wladimir Klitschko Alex Leapai Face To Face Fists Raised Upcoming Fight Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing says badass like “Oxmar Properties” written on the back of your shirt.

  25. Lisa Rinna Erect Nipples Cameltoe Peace Sign
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d like to get some stink on her hang low.

  26. Richard Sherman Death Glare Malcolm Smith Jimmy Kimmel Live
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh look…it’s Silly and his sidekick Moron. Nice tough guy look Rick.

  27. Elizabeth Hurley Nipples 2014 Portrait Gala Collecting To Inspire National
    Who are you?
    Commented on this photo:

    Poor Farrah Abraham, Elizabeth Hurley attracts more men at 48 then Abraham ever will.

    I bet Clinton will never say “I had sex with her” about Abraham, even if he did.

  28. Farrah Abraham Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    donkeylicks
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s rethinking some of his life decisions.

  29. Christopher McDonald Perv Stache About Last Night Premiere
    donkeylicks
    Commented on this photo:

    “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!”

  30. George Clooney Scarf Signing Tablet London
    Commented on this photo:

    Cuz tonight he’s gonna party like it’s 1999

  31. Lil Mama Crazy Eyes About Last Night Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a third Williams sister? where is her tennis racket?

  32. Lauren Goodger Butt Tigth Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Mariah Carey went a little heavy on the bleach.

  33. Midget Terra Jole Grabbing Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    Bad scrabble hand.

  34. Coco Cleavage Marilyn Monroe Instagram
    Jiminy Cryptic
    Commented on this photo:

    Photoshop is a Girl’s Best Friend

  35. Pope Francis Excited For Balloon Animals
    Commented on this photo:

    No, a sausage dog. Well, just pray on it and keep practising. *God they suck at balloon animals.*

  36. Christopher McDonald Perv Stache About Last Night Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    The chihuahua knows where that thumb goes. That’s why he’s absent.

  37. Farrah Abraham Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    WHY IS SHE THERE!

  38. Coco Cleavage Marilyn Monroe Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    So would. SO WOULD.

  39. Farrah Abraham Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    Number of pornos ive made..

  40. Lil Mama Crazy Eyes About Last Night Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    andre 3000?

  41. Richard Sherman Death Glare Malcolm Smith Jimmy Kimmel Live
    Commented on this photo:

    “Make way everyone, angry black man coming through”

  42. Lauren Goodger Butt Tigth Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Orange you glad to see me?”

    “No, not really”

  43. Richard Sherman Death Glare Malcolm Smith Jimmy Kimmel Live
    malaka
    Commented on this photo:

    kind of a sad point in life when one realizes that the athletes he or she looks up to are now younger than themselves.

  44. Midget Terra Jole Grabbing Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    charlesatlas
    Commented on this photo:

    Her parents must be so proud.

  45. Farrah Abraham Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening
    charlesatlas
    Commented on this photo:

    Her parents gave up a long time ago,

  46. Sean Penn Charlize Theron Hanjob In Car After Charity Dinner
    Commented on this photo:

    “I don’t understand how EACH of the balls managed to get knotted up with it.”

  47. Lauren Goodger Butt Tigth Skirt
    oldfool
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s Flavas’ clock?

  48. Richard Sherman Death Glare Malcolm Smith Jimmy Kimmel Live
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    Can someone remind Richie that just because he throws a
    football around while wearing spandex, that doesn’t make him
    a “gangsta”.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …sure, as long as someone points out to you that being born & raised in compton might account for his tough guy swagger.

  49. Coco Cleavage Marilyn Monroe Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s the great white buffalo!

  50. Lil Mama Crazy Eyes About Last Night Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    GAH!!!!!!!!

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