The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 2.1.12

February 1st, 2012 // 397 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed coming at you early because this news day is slower than Jonah Hill‘s metabolism. Anyway,  Michael Fassbender delivers a mixed message, saying either “Fuck you” or “Goddamn, having a giant penis sure is grand,” and Eli Roth is about to Bear Jew all over Selena Gomez‘s sundae which are the sexiest words Justin Bieber will ever read in his life.

Viggo Mortensen takes what Viggo Mortensen wants,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Denzel Washington Ryan Reynolds El Hormiguero
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’s TWO in the pink…two! Two!! “

  2. Terry

    I don’t like Katherine because I believe she is a selfish little Hollywood count but I would so, so, so bust a load on them goddamn tits.

  3. Brad Pitt
    Commented on this photo:

    The look on Brad’s face says he wasn’t expecting his companion to reach into his pocket and grab his penis…no, wasn’t expecting that at all.

  4. Michael Fassbender Middle Finger
    Commented on this photo:

    For a guy named Assbender, he seems nice.

  5. Katherine Heigl Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    At the last minute, she hastily crafted a pair of earrings out of spoons because that’s just the kind of person she is.

  6. David Letterman Bill Murray Footbal Uniform
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like an episode of Smug and Smugger

  7. Jonah Hill Fat The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    He was skinny for what…like 20 minutes?

  8. Denzel Washington Ryan Reynolds El Hormiguero
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does Denzel look like a Simpsons character?

  9. Nicole Murphy Cleavage Sports Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she someone famous, or just a hot chick who walked by while they were taking photos of Paris Hilton?

    Also, nice hipster ironic cell phone headset…those were funny 10 years ago.

    • Not to mention, two bags on her arm, but she STILL HAS TO HOLD THE GIANT HEADSET IN HER HAND.

      • teledildonics

        the whole point of owning a giant headset is to tell everyone how fucking awesome you are with your crazy irony. Hard to accomplish that with it hidden in one of your two bags.

      • Trek Girl

        Or she just finished using the her phone and head-set, and instead of stopping in front of the paparazzi and the car that seems to be heading in her direction, she’s going to put the phone and head-set back in her bag when she is in whatever building or car she is going to.
        Also, those head-sets aren’t really meant to be funny. Some people might get them to attract attention, but most people like them because they cut down on the amount of radiation that ends up near their head when they use their cellphone, and some people find them easier to hold.

      • Trek Girl, that explanation (the “she just finished using it” one) might be valid on its face, but haven’t you noticed that seemingly every celebrity shown on this site is holding their cellphone in their hand? Regardless of the presence of handbags and pockets that could carry it—and also regardless of the presence of the cup of coffee and car keys and what not they are usually holding in the same hand as well? They can’t ALL be “just finished” using their phone. Let’s face it—even when they’re just finished…they still don’t put it away.

      • qt

        its no just celebrities

        I always have my cellphone on my hand and car keys too

        same with my mom and shes almost 60

      • Trek Girl

        @Tom Frank: So, the fact that many people are constantly texting, talking on their phones, or have their phones at the ready almost all the time doesn’t mean anything? I have noticed that a lot of celebrities on this site are shown with their phones in their hand, but that’s really not unusual when you consider the fact that they are usually caught going to or from the gym, shopping, on their way to business meetings, going to or from their home, or going grocery shopping; guess what, it’s normal for people to use their phones before after or doing all of those things.

  10. Selena Gomez Eli Roth Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    “I covet your peach melba, and by melba I mean your lady melba.”

  11. Justin Bieber Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    Thank God for Twitter or else the world wouldn’t know just how full of awesome this little drip of maple syrup really is.

  12. Brad Pitt
    Commented on this photo:

    I almost didn’t recognize him without Cruella DeVille suctioned onto his arm.

  13. Katherine Heigl Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    She is living proof that fame, wealth, beauty and the adoration of millions is all it takes to be happy.

  14. Katherine Heigl Cleavage
    Boo
    Commented on this photo:

    OKAY WHAT IS WITH THE FACE IS LOOKING BAD! That or bad makeup job . . .

  15. Michael Fassbender Middle Finger
    Commented on this photo:

    Relax. This is just how they hail a cab in London. If they want to get the attention of a waiter, they shit on a dinner plate and clap three times.

  16. Nicole Murphy Cleavage Sports Bra
    Boo
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow that sure looks good!

  17. Katherine Heigl Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Something about this bad boy isn’t quite like the others.

  18. David Letterman Bill Murray Footbal Uniform
    Commented on this photo:

    Goddammit, Brett Favre—ANOTHER comeback?

  19. Denzel Washington Ryan Reynolds El Hormiguero
    SSHGuru
    Commented on this photo:

    Two words! That’s all I understand here!

  20. Hilary Duff Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice to see a celebrity not jumping on the Prius bandwagon.

  21. Denzel Washington Ryan Reynolds El Hormiguero
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s twice you called me Cuba Gooding Jr. white boy!

  22. Selena Gomez Eli Roth Twitter
    SSHGuru
    Commented on this photo:

    His eyes say he’s clearly not interested in the ice cream. He’s want’s in on the Bieber action.

  23. Jonah Hill Fat The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does this guy always look like he just finished milking a cow?

  24. Paris Hilton Cleavage Minidress Tights
    Commented on this photo:

    Paris looks happy with her Pepto-Bismal latte.

  25. Michael Fassbender Middle Finger
    Ismoss
    Commented on this photo:

    Giving the middle finger is what teenage white girls do on FaceBook to look cool.

  26. Paris Hilton Cleavage Minidress Tights
    Commented on this photo:

    And by the way…..nice tits.

  27. Jonah Hill Fat The Today Show
    SSHGuru
    Commented on this photo:

    The guy holding the umbrella is thinking “Dammit, I’m gonna need a bigger umbrella soon”

  28. Justin Bieber Twitter
    pretty vacant
    Commented on this photo:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  29. Nicole Murphy Cleavage Sports Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    Bow chicka wow wow.

  30. Selena Gomez Eli Roth Twitter
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing takes the edge off of stalking someone like ice cream.

  31. Nicole Murphy Cleavage Sports Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    YIKES! Pull that camera back about 50 feet.

  32. Nicole Murphy Cleavage Sports Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    So she only got two bucks for a blowie? Old white dude made out OK.

  33. Selena Gomez Eli Roth Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    “You know what a jewish Pedo Bear looks like? Like THIS!”

    • JesusCan'tHitACurveball

      +1 for the PedoBear Jew. I smell an Inglorious Basterds sequel. Although you know fucking Tarantino will make it all about underage feet.

  34. Justin Bieber Twitter
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I really hope he never spends even 10 minutes in jail. He wouldn’t walk straight again.

  35. Justin Bieber Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    Icy Hot Stuntaz II: Canadian Boogaloo

  36. Selena Gomez Eli Roth Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    She might want to save this photo for when she applies for a restraining order in a week.

  37. Keira Knightley Viggo Mortensen Butt Grab
    Commented on this photo:

    In an unfortunate twist of fate, their portmanteau name is Viagra

  38. Jonah Hill Fat The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s the guy on the other side holding the other umbrella?

  39. Jonah Hill Fat The Today Show
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    The lap band isn’t 2 crates of Oreos-proof.

  40. Alicia Keys Butt Tight Jeans Swizz Beats
    Commented on this photo:

    Neither first class or premier.

  41. Paris Hilton Cleavage Minidress Tights
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    The over/under on STDs is 7.

    I say under… she has 5.

  42. Lara Stone Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Ever see a Stone with marshmallows?

  43. Nicole Murphy Cleavage Sports Bra
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s in amazing shape for a 40 year-old dude.

  44. Brad Pitt
    Commented on this photo:

    Jennifer Aniston needs a shave.

  45. Katherine Heigl Cleavage
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    You know the famous saying…

    the camera adds 10 years.

  46. Nicole Murphy Cleavage Sports Bra
    MILF
    Commented on this photo:

    In every picture like this, there’s always an old white guy saying it all with his Piggly Wiggly bag.

  47. Keira Knightley Viggo Mortensen Butt Grab
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    *sigh*
    Appreciation for all the man’s full frontal scenes aside, why can’t he do a movie where he’s not smothered under strange 19th century styled facial hair?

  48. Lara Stone Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Much to Pippa’s chagrin, there are now two women competing for London’s Most Mediocre Ass.

  49. Hilary Duff Pregnant Belly
    Hickok
    Commented on this photo:

    god, she got fat

  50. Katherine Heigl Cleavage
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    Picasso never gets eyes right. He’s good at cleavage though.

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