“Holy Cow!! Kevin James has a big scar on his face.” – Joe Jonas
Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring what is probably the most random selection ever included, which points out not only my age, but also my ability to spot daywalking vampires because, Jesus Christ, that guy has to be in his sixties, right? Anyway, we’ve also got this DWTS PA, who knows better than to put potato chips near Kirstie Alley within twenty minutes of her last feeding, as well as Sarah Jessica Parker‘s nanny, who something something HORSE JOKE!, turns out Jimmy Page was Pai Mei this whole time, and finally, you’ve got to admire Jennifer Love Hewitt‘s method approach to her character on The Client List.
What’s this about hand jobs, now? I was simply implying that she’s been giving out a bunch of free massages to close friends and family to fully immerse herself in such a complex and important role. For shame, you perverts,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Vehr is dee mayt?
They are stabbing him repeatedly in their heads right now
Ditto him them.
heheheh awesome.
Looks like he’s taking the escalator to heaven.
You gotta admit, this is a fucking MAN.
No, he’s an overblown caricature of one. Big difference, actually.
Looks more like a Nazi sympathizer to me.
Agreed!
Arnold, Sly, Van Damme, Seagal, Norris, Speakman and older studs like Bronson and Eastwood, will always rule the action genre.
No we have Robert Pattinson (thank you google) and other pussies as action stars.
Forgot to add De Niro and Pacino to the great list
And Cynthia Rothrock.
I would smuggle her across the border of my heart.
I would smother her with the boner in my pants.
I would starve her in a pit and then make a pretty dress from her skin.
too far?
Don’t forget the lotion…
Well, she finally did it…..she sprained her ankle trying to wipe her ass.
Wrist…..damnit, wrist
Repetitive motion injury from trying on too many engagement rings.
Well, you see, sometimes the Hulkster gets horny and….
If you’re a nursing mom and you know it, raise your hand.
Google tells me she has a 6-year-old and two 4-year-old twins, so if she’s nursing, there’s some Alicia Silverstone/Lord of the Vale shit going on here.
That settles it. She’s pregnant. As usual, reported here first.
All I know is that those are some nursing pads.
Source: two kids.
Maybe she just had another surgery and that’s the bandages?
It is either a really crappy built in bra, or she is using nursing pads for cover with a sheer shirt. Either way, it looks fucking worse than the pit stains.
Oh fer fuck sake, people. She’s smuggling Frisbees.
Awh, baby’s first goose step.
Donkey boner !
I told you I’d be back, ladies.
Hard to believe she can’t get a husband in that sexy gear.
and yet Sinead O’Connor managed to bag a husband within a week of putting an ad on craigslist. Time for JLH to start advertising she’s up for some anal action!
“KIRSTIE….you specifically asked me to HELP you get your-”
“bItCh, DoN’t FuCk WiTh Me WhEn i’M oN a BEndER”
I SAID MORE FOOD, PRODUCTION ASSISTANT!!!
Hard.
Grow TF up. You’re almost 40 for Chrissakes
I’m 41.
and a fuck-ton cuter in a princess dress too.
Oh, Doc. You say the sweetest things to me sometimes.
When we’re not at the fucking Olive Garden.
“Michael, your eyebrows called, they said they left for happy hour a little early and they’ll meet you there.”
He just woke up from a 10-year-long bender and realized the movies he’d made.
The eyes of the picture behind her follow me everywhere I go.
the imagineers dabbled with forces far beyond their understanding when they chose to experiment with realdolls.
“I know you wanna wrestle with Hulk Jr., brother!”
Whore White and the Delusional Acting Career
She’s dressed as Sleeping Beauty, pal. Not all princesses are created equal.
okey then. Sleeping Whore-y, like it makes a diff.
Somedaaaay my douche will come…
“La la la, step on a crack…DESTROY ALL NONBELIEVERS!”
dude, fucking hilarious.
HA!
Wait, this is the Christopher Walken look-alike contest, right?
“Officer, my ticket is in my purse, hold on a second…..”
“Mannn, just get da FUCK outta ma line! Go on!”
Oh, sexy Old Navy, yeah!
“Act now and I’ll throw in the director’s cut, deleted outtakes and a years supply of Valtrex. You pay only the shipping & handling!”
Well, Hoda, it was either Bubba’s wife or my daughter. Which would you have me choose?
“Mommy, this princess smells like Grandpa’s lap!”
Celebrating 40 years of being overrated.
Ummm. You’ve upset me know.
*now
Yeah, the best guitarist in rock history (second only to Jimi Hendrix), from the best rock band of all time. SO overrated.
That was sarcasm. Have some respect for a legend, Eric.
Amen.
Can I get a “Halleluia?”
I’ll save my respect for the underrated, the guys who are worlds better than this prick EVER was and yet never got recognized–the guys whose egos don’t fill a continent.
Big fat chipmunk
They let her eat? Oh well, too bad. She’s lost DWTS already.
Yes, sir, I’m sure you’re a great singer. But we still can’t have you flashing women in the park…
I want to hump the one that’s not Kirstie Alley.
It should be pretty easy what with the untied sweatpants and those blocky items in her pockets that are probably pulling them down past her narrow waist.
Those “blocky items” are clearly emergency rations – a carton of Ring Dings and the 1 pound box of assorted See’s truffles.
Realizing she’s standing next to Kathy Lee and interviewing a man with painted on stubble, I’m betting Hoda is mentally re-examining her life right now.
Demmit, I forgot the barn door was open and now it’s bolted.
Will someone please return him to the commune? And don’t forget to lock the gate this time!
Who would have thought that, when you strip away all the makeup and photoshop, she looks like every other shlumpy chick waiting for a table at the TGI Friday’s?
Oh, wait. I would have thought that.
“SHHHHH…..I fucked his wife last night.”
Amazing that she put her right hand in a cast so she could get better at giving hand jobs with her left.
Multi-tasking is very important in the whoring business.
Clop….clop….clop
“I’m here for the Stray Cats reunion.”
I don’t know who this is, but the fact that she’s replaced her breasts with satellite dishes intrigues me.
I know, right?!? Imagine the reception you could get! Eeeeeeeeee!
The peacock’s tail advertises to a mate that if it can get away with something like that, if it can afford to look that stupid, it must have a lot going for it. Peacocks are Nature’s douchebags.
What a goddamn mess
Don’t let her hear you! It’s not wise to upset a Wookiee!
Gelatinous
Damn you to hell, Pokie Fairy!!
The Fairy even left you a third nipple. Can you find it?
I have to admit, J-Lo’s been looking pretty decent lately.
I just used the zoom feature to read his belt buckle: it contains an entire employment contract for his household staff.
You win. The internet.