Welcome to a very special Valentine’s Day Edition of The Crap We Missed that’s totally going to score you the beej that those gas station roses weren’t going to. Just Kidding! Relationships are awful prisons of doubt and remorse which no amount of candy or $8 cards with grade school poetry could ever fix. That said, this ridiculous holiday gives Fish and me a reason to finally use these ball gags to skip out early, so I’m all for it. I’m also all for a solid 4th day in a row of SI swimsuit models pimping their obsolete magazine, so enjoy Kate Upton, Katherine Webb, Nina Agdal, Natasha Barnhard, Hana Davis…trust me it keeps going.
Your daddies love you guys,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
The Three Douchebaggers: Joseph! Nicholas! Wilmer! En garde!
Why is Bane their bodyguard? Shit just got real.
Effectively quashing those ugly gay rumours, I see.
She just walked in on the Jonas Bros. sandwiching Vilder.
Let’s just be happy it’s an Instagram–black & white and fuzzy– rather than clear and sharp. I shudder to imagine!
God, I hate Joe FRancis!!!
Figures she’s heading to the same party where the Jonas Bros. are hanging.
She is the ugliest man up there.
Republicans. Looking like mannequins and communicating like high school kids since the beginning of time.
I will always love you, Michael Douglas.
Who is this frightening, unwashed creature?
Not attractive.
Her legs severely test the saying, “You can never be too thin or too rich.”
My flat ass and your flat ass
Sitting by the fire
My flat ass said to your flat ass
Gonna set myself on fire
Who am I wearing? The shoes are Channel. The dress is Fuzzy Porn Channels from Childhood.”
I’d motorboat Hayden’s butt.
I’d lick her asshole and let her pee on me if I could have fun with her tits and bang her.
I wish she would’ve just stayed fat and kept her tits to herself.
What the hell is wrong with her?
I know one thing … there isn’t a guy here who wouldn’t do that ass.
Uh oh, it’s about time for her to finance a decent sex tape
mmmm, I’d love to do that ass
I’d love to hook up to those two
Awwwww, man… She’s got major Dinklage face. Damned shame.
Yes, please.
I don’t know what it is about the semi cross-eyed siamese cat look that drives me nuts with chicks… I would literally remove my own testicle, sautee it and feed it to my Mastiff to bang this broad.
Make up your god damned mind. Be hot or be a weird slick haired alien. Just stop toying with my erections!
She looks like she sounds like Harvey Firestein.
Fierstein, but agreed.
Tits, tits, tits, awesome tits, ass, PAULY SHORE SCROTUM. Thanks for aggressively murdering my rodney, photoboy.
I’d eat cheerios out of her asshole.
Bloke on the left is actually Rowan Atkinson.
Forget the mask, we know it’s you Gru!
You’re not fooling anyone Gru!
disrespectful ass.
The diaper-change pose is never appealing.
Daniel Craig’s manlier sister.
Oh No! Beck’s heel has just broken.
Mickey looks like he’s been doing coke.