The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 8.23.11

August 23rd, 2011 // 382 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed which you may notice is arriving several hours late because, Jesus Cristo, what a fucking afternoon. If the earth wasn’t rattling on the wrong coast thanks to Chick-Fil-A not being open on Sundays (I told them this would happen.), our network managed to have a frustrating number of meltdowns in the past 48 hours which was completely unrelated to the quake – Or soft breeze from a butterfly’s wing to you Californians. – but more importantly is entirely unacceptable to you guys, so huge apologies. We’ve got a crack team poking and prodding, yet no one’s trying my ideas because apparently computer servers lack sex organs. You got me.

Anyway, business as usual tomorrow – In theory. – and sorry again for the inconvenience. It’s been an asshole of a day.

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Victoria Justice Bikini
    CD
    Commented on this photo:

    VictorioASS!!!

  2. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    gumption
    Commented on this photo:

    wasn’t her hair short just last week? does anyone have real hair anymore?

  3. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    dotmatrix
    Commented on this photo:

    Grrrrowr!

  4. Cock Dr

    I had almost that exact pattern of earthquake damage in my backyard!
    What an excellent excuse to hoist a few.

  5. Penn Badgley Immogen Poots
    mnsuperbee
    Commented on this photo:

    “And so I went like ‘GET AWAY! GET AWAY FROM MY BUTT TOM CRUISE!!’ But he did not.”

  6. Bethenny Frankel
    gumption
    Commented on this photo:

    Bethany finally sees herself through the public’s eye.

  7. East Coast Earthquake Damage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    So traumatic. I think I need PTS counseling.

  8. Jack Osbourne Kelly Osbourne
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I think I’ll be nice & focus on something that can be easily fixed.
    Dumb dress.

  9. Penn Badgley Immogen Poots
    gumption
    Commented on this photo:

    oh Penn, you know I can’t see it without my spectacle.

  10. Binks

    JT had a rough night.

  11. Justin Timberlake
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone is retaining water.

  12. Victoria Justice Bikini
    dotmatrix
    Commented on this photo:

    She even has nice elbows.

  13. Jack Osbourne Kelly Osbourne
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    She should’ve never told him she had herpes.

  14. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    Commented on this photo:

    The kids wanted animals, so this year each kid at camp Mohawk will stalk and kill their very own washed up actress.

  15. Kristin Cavallari Tight Jeans Butt
    gumption
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim K to stand trial this week for absorbing all the ass in town and causing a hollywood butt famine

  16. Khloe Kardashian
    bassackward
    Commented on this photo:

    Wookie prison break?

  17. Khloe Kardashian
    gumption
    Commented on this photo:

    looks good.

  18. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    What in the fuck is she wearing? Strangely enough, this isn’t even her worst outfit of the month.

  19. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    What I wanna know is: Where the fuck is she going to dressed like that? Is she going to a costume party as a harem girl?

  20. Phillip Seymour Hoffman
    Commented on this photo:

    I think he just sharted.

  21. Vanessa Hudgens
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Please go back to being really hot.

  22. Bethenny Frankel
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I can imagine who the next spouse to commit suicide is.

  23. Jessica Chastain Cleavage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    *throws flag*
    Bodice not fitted correctly. Terrible.
    FAIL

  24. Kirsten Dunst
    Commented on this photo:

    She has a chin for each spiderman that sucked.

  25. Phillip Seymour Hoffman
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Thoughtful plaid combo…interesting.

  26. East Coast Earthquake Damage
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this Fish’s backyard? It’s nice and big. Then again, anything seems big in comparison to my balcony :(

  27. Jessica Chastain Cleavage
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Based on her meeting the criteria of red hair and boobs, I would hit that.

  28. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    Commented on this photo:

    I give her three more years before that outfit is form-fitting.

  29. Tom Selleck
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this the episode where he’s fired from the police force and becomes a door man on 58th Street?

  30. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    Commented on this photo:

    She has the worst effin taste in clothes, I swear.

    • Jack Ketch

      That distinction belongs to Jessica Simpson, with her fug handbags, trashy jean shorts and ill-fitting stripper heels. We’ve seen FAR worse that this …

  31. Carla Gugino Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    A coin for the meter, a deuce for the pavement.

  32. Alan Cumming
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Gay accountant on NYC vacation?

  33. Jack Osbourne Kelly Osbourne
    Krissy
    Commented on this photo:

    I like how she’s on a show called Fashion Police and criticizes what people wear when she herself looks like she picks clothing out in the dark.

  34. Leelee Sobieski Cop Uniform
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    What makes me laugh is that I’m sure this photo inspired at least a few guys out there to masturbate.

  35. East Coast Earthquake Damage
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    will there be sean penn?

  36. Zoe Saldana Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s skinny and then there’s, “hey, I can see the outline of my penis while we’re having sex” skinny.

  37. Phillip Seymour Hoffman
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    How did the camera miss all the women throwing themselves at this fashion icon?

  38. Jack Osbourne Kelly Osbourne
    Julia
    Commented on this photo:

    Angelina and her brother are looking ROUGH.

  39. Kirsten Dunst
    Commented on this photo:

    She borrowed Misha Barton’s outfit and double chin for the evening.

    • Fester

      My first thought was that Kathy Bates is looking unusually good. I guess it’s a glass half-full/half-empty sort of thing.

  40. Taylor Lautner
    It'sanAbomination!
    Commented on this photo:

    Director: Goddammit!! Model TL92 just shut down again! I thought someone was supposed to be charging those batteries every hour?! Where the fuck is Brian?!!
    (voice off-stage): He’s in the john!
    Director: Christ! (clambers onto stage grumbling) Use robots they said. Less back talk they said. Disney can go fuck themselves.

  41. Tom Selleck
    Commented on this photo:

    Lookin’ good. Now how about throwing on a pair of those old corduroy nutter-shorts for old times sake, Magnum.

  42. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d like to take this moment to reflect and mourn all the leopards that were killed to make this outfit… A moment of silence please…

  43. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    Anni Christ
    Commented on this photo:

    Hewitt’s new plot to stay relevant in D-List Hollywood: Channeling her inner Kim Kardashian in hopes that the paps might mistake for her.

  44. Courtney Love Cleavage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    This was taken AFTER the movie…right? Not before. Because no one could come to a premiere looking all crappy like that. That’s a “ate popcorn chugged gin from flask snuck out 4 times to do lines of coke in ladies room & gave head to stranger seated next to me claiming to be Bolivian movie producer” face, yes indeed.

  45. Leelee Sobieski Cop Uniform
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sure there are cops in Harlem who look like that. Certain of it.

  46. Vanessa Hudgens
    sc4play
    Commented on this photo:

    Vanessa Hudgeins in Los Angeles wearing a flour sack.

  47. Penn Badgley Immogen Poots
    Commented on this photo:

    You’ve got it all wrong. Penn’s the one who poots in this picture.

  48. Phillip Seymour Hoffman
    Commented on this photo:

    I think the internet has just found its new Keanu…

  49. Jennifer Love Hewitt Animal Print
    It'sanAbomination!
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she trying to get adopted by the Kardashians? I think someone ought to tell her exactly what the initiation entails….

  50. Victoria Justice Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks ripe for the pickin’.

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