The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 7.15.14

July 15th, 2014 // 326 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, which admittedly at first glance looks like an ad for high-end prostitution. A claim I’ll gladly refute because we don’t even get a tiny piece of the money the Kardashians earn from sex work. We do, however, earn money from the pageviews generated by your extremely time-worthy clicks on stuff like Will Smith‘s boner taking flight because space math, David McIntosh‘s boner taking flight because of Kelly Brook, and this guy‘s boner draining all the blood from his body, eventually killing him, because he’s touching Emily Ratajkowski in daisy dukes.

R.I.P. random douchey hat guy, your family will understand your worthy sacrifice,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Ashley Greene Nipples No Bra Tight Shirt NBC Studios
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s going to keep pulling to the right unless the pressure is balanced

  2. Peter Dinklage Riding Scooter Wearing Bandana
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I doubt there’s a little person in this world who gives less of a shit about being a little person.

  3. Ozzy Osbourne Fat Lady In Spandex
    Commented on this photo:

    comedic genius

  4. Miranda Lambert Cleavage Carrie Underwood Mugshot Something Bad Music Video
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Miranda Lambert would look better without the horror movie make up.

  5. Kelly Brook Cleavage Cameltoe Spandex Pants David McIntosh Boner Spandex Pants
    Keno
    Commented on this photo:

    “Shit, it looks half the size in these pants…”

  6. Donnie Wahlberg Hanging Off Back Of Truck Blue Bloods Set
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Now, if only Jennie would jump on, they could really haul ass.

  7. Ozzy Osbourne Fat Lady In Spandex
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    You know when you are an aging rocker? When you recognize a former groupie and that’s what she looks like now.

  8. Mireille Enos Huge Pregnant Belly Season 4 Premiere The Killing
    Commented on this photo:

    The pregnancy rumours are true.

  9. Miranda Lambert Cleavage Carrie Underwood Mugshot Something Bad Music Video
    Commented on this photo:

    Miranda Lambert actually looks like she’s getting mugshot taken, but Carrie looks like she’s trying to model that belt.

  10. Will Smith Boner Cliff Dive
    Commented on this photo:

    Dropping faster than his metacritic score for After Earth.

  11. Will Smith Boner Cliff Dive
    MarketingMike
    Commented on this photo:

    It must have REALLY hurt like hell when he hit the water,
    and the kielbasa his marketing people stuffed in his pants,
    slammed up against his bare crotch.

  12. Cheryl Burke Blowjob Face Water Bottle Extra
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Her technique is quite refreshing.

  13. Katherine Heigl Bitchface Screaming Mother Nancy LAX
    MarketingMike
    Commented on this photo:

    Every time I see her, I’m reminded of my ex-wife.

  14. Kendall Jenner Lingerie Kris Jenner Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘Always thought ads for escort service were supposed to attract customers, not repel them… guess I was wrong.

  15. Rosie Huntington Whiteley Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Definitely her best angle. That’s why Michael Bay introduced her with it.

  16. Nick Cannon Side Eyeing Mario Lopez  Bud Lights Ultimate FIFA World Cup Viewing Party
    Commented on this photo:

    The only balls these guys viewed were in a scrotum.

  17. Kelly Brook Cleavage Cameltoe Spandex Pants David McIntosh Boner Spandex Pants
    MarketingMike
    Commented on this photo:

    Gee, Imagine how “blown up” he’d be if he did ‘roids.

  18. Will Smith Boner Cliff Dive
    Commented on this photo:

    My grandpa use to say “Jumpin-black-Jesus-in-his-chones-with-
    a-boner.” Now I get it.

  19. Aaron Carter Leather Tank Top
    Eejut
    Commented on this photo:

    How many handjobs did you give today?

  20. Jennifer Lopez Legs Short Shorts Leah Remini Huge Ass
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘Don’t bother going in there. The sign on the door says ‘Sorry, we do not carry 1,000 thread count sheets. They don’t fucking exist.’”

  21. Rachel Bilson Pregnant Belly Legs Daisy Dukes
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmmm…why does Obi Won keep saying it was nice knowing me?

  22. Jamie Lynn Spears Performing At Gilleys Saloon Dance Hall & Bar B Que Treasure Island Hotel And Casino
    Marketing Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Please someone, explain perform to me?

  23. Kelly Brook Cleavage Cameltoe Spandex Pants David McIntosh Boner Spandex Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Ummm, compensating for something, Dave?

  24. Cheryl Burke Blowjob Face Water Bottle Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s Tom Cruise in the red polo, holding a gallon jug.

  25. Katherine Heigl Bitchface Screaming Mother Nancy LAX
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey guys, have you seen Conquest and Famine around? We’ve been waiting for those two for awhile now…”

  26. Rosie Huntington Whiteley Butt Yoga Pants
    cajunhawk
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me or is the left ass cheek bigger than the right?

  27. Peter Dinklage Riding Scooter Wearing Bandana
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m gonna go for a little ride.”

  28. Miranda Lambert Cleavage Carrie Underwood Mugshot Something Bad Music Video
    Derek
    Commented on this photo:

    To quote a wise man…”The things i would eat out of their ass”

  29. Emily Ratajkowski Butt Daisy Dukes Drunk Guy Ischia Global Fest Gala
    cajunhawk
    Commented on this photo:

    Pose for a picture with Emily Ratajkowsi…and…I…Jizz…In…My…Pants.

  30. Miranda Lambert Cleavage Carrie Underwood Mugshot Something Bad Music Video
    Commented on this photo:

    69. Keep the change you filthy animal.

  31. Cheryl Burke Blowjob Face Water Bottle Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    That bottle actually has a twelve inch neck to it.

  32. Kristina Sofia Lisa Opie Butt Bikini
    Flatliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Did Bruce Willis contribute to her genes? Maybe not as much as with his other chin gang but definitely some.

  33. Kendall Jenner Lingerie Kris Jenner Instagram
    MelGibsonsSanity
    Commented on this photo:

    Just relax and let Uncle Terry do what he needs to do.

  34. Kelly Brook Cleavage Cameltoe Spandex Pants David McIntosh Boner Spandex Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously, every time I see this guy with what is deemed as a boner, all I’m thinking is “maybe I have a chance!”

  35. Will Smith Boner Cliff Dive
    Commented on this photo:

    One of the lesser-known scientology powers is the ability to hover in mid-air, powered by clarity of purpose and the harnessing of your own smug farts.

  36. Jamie Lynn Spears Performing At Gilleys Saloon Dance Hall & Bar B Que Treasure Island Hotel And Casino
    Commented on this photo:

    Performing?

  37. Emily Ratajkowski Butt Daisy Dukes Drunk Guy Ischia Global Fest Gala
    roar
    Commented on this photo:

    Power Jorts.

  38. Whitney Cummings Cleavage See Through Tank Top Sweaty Cameltoe Yoga Pants
    MisterSHO
    Commented on this photo:

    Her boobs are in the wrong place.

  39. Kelly Brook Cleavage Cameltoe Spandex Pants David McIntosh Boner Spandex Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    fuck that’s a nice set of tits. Her’s are not bad either.

  40. Kelly Brook Cleavage Cameltoe Spandex Pants David McIntosh Boner Spandex Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    If you don’t want people to know you use steroids, quit shooting paranoid glances at your junk to check if it’s shrinking.

  41. Katherine Heigl Bitchface Screaming Mother Nancy LAX
    MelGibsonsSanity
    Commented on this photo:

    After 20 minutes of complaining to the cab driver that Katerine SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED THAT FRESH ROSES BE PLACED IN THE BACK SEAT *BEFORE* PICKUP!!!

  42. Ashley Greene Nipples No Bra Tight Shirt NBC Studios
    Commented on this photo:

    Cute girl. Too bad she dresses like Will Farrell.

  43. Kate Hudson Cleavage Wish I Was Here Screening
    No Smoking by choice
    Commented on this photo:

    For someone who smokes 3+ packs a day she looks ok,
    but I’m just not into kissing 40+ year old ashtrays.

    • o'chunt

      Yeah, I’ve done that. Not pleasant in the slightest. A bonerkiller, to be honest.

    • I dated a heavy smoker. Never again. I’d rather they smoke pot than have to deal with that cigarette-smoke-in-beard-and-clothes-and-skin stench. Ugh.

      She does look good for such a heavy smoker though. But then, she has the money to counteract a lot of it.

      • Marketing Mike

        Back in the 90′s (a long time ago) I dated a college girl
        who was drop dead beautiful, and smoked like Kate.
        She was a really nice person too, sexy and fun. But…
        Every, single, free moment was spent lighting up.

      • So is there a payoff to this story, wise guy, or am I just sitting here with my amyl poppers and my pants off for no good reason?

      • Marketing Mike

        Sure, the payoff is this…
        We dated for 3 months and I took her out for dinner
        on my birthday to Granita’s (formerly in Malibu).
        I had a Corvette, and I made her promise not to
        smoke in it! She had a couple of glasses of wine
        at dinner, and then smoked 7 cigarettes in my car
        on the way home, completely ignoring my requests.
        That was it for me, my last “smoking” girlfriend… loll

      • Well I just came, sorry you didn’t Mike

        ;-)

      • Johnny Barbells

        RE: all of the above… awesome.

  44. Whitney Cummings Cleavage See Through Tank Top Sweaty Cameltoe Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s smaller than an A-cup? If we measured bras in ASCII, she’d be an @ cup.

    You nerds know what I’m talking about. high five!

  45. Cheryl Burke Blowjob Face Water Bottle Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    Suddenly, multiple people approached with offers of bananas and popsicles. Also, throat fucking.

  46. Jamie Lynn Spears Performing At Gilleys Saloon Dance Hall & Bar B Que Treasure Island Hotel And Casino
    MelGibsonsSanity
    Commented on this photo:

    The first one of you willing to pay child support can bang me!

  47. Maria Menounos Butt Tight Skirt Sideboob NBC Universal Summer TCA Tour Day 2
    Commented on this photo:

    Daym.
    Would love to be the one helping her out of that dress.

  48. Mireille Enos Huge Pregnant Belly Season 4 Premiere The Killing
    Commented on this photo:

    Love her!!

  49. Jake Kasdan Jason Segel Pointing At His Mouth Melvin Mar Sex Tape Screening After Party
    MelGibsonsSanity
    Commented on this photo:

    …and then Franco came right on my lip.

  50. Rachel Bilson Pregnant Belly Legs Daisy Dukes
    Commented on this photo:

    Worst working actress in America.

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