Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed that sadly fails to replicate yesterday’s butt blitz but don’t worry, there’s still plenty of “That person is still alive?” and “I’d pee in her butt.” material in here for you to anonymously keyboard hate babies into. Starting with Vanessa Paradis who still hasn’t learned that closed mouth smiling could have saved her relationship, Lou Diamond Phillips who really could have waited until Will.i.am came around with his valet ticket before apologizing for that dent, Channing Tatum‘s thinning hair which won’t at all stop Fish and I your wife from blasting one out to his assless chap dancing and finally, the upsetting realization of what a sexually embarrassing hell Melanie Griffith‘s life has been ever since those goddamn Shrek movies came out.
The Naked Cowgirl was almost your Final Five. Almost,
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SOUP RACE!
“Now stop screwing around and get my car!”
The greatest electric blues guitarist there ever was. He does not deserve scorn. He deserves our enduring praise for changing music significantly for the better.
More importantly, he’s never had to pose in his underwear to sell his great music.
Nor has he had to use a midi machine, perfect pitch software or Disney bullshit to be great.
Well put, DB.
Not to mention how proud he is to be the one famous black guy Kim Kardashian hasn’t slept with.
The Green Gobbler
“Is that Katy Perry and Blake Lively?! “
Can’t somebody get to the bottom of this man’s plaid attraction?
“I tell ya, Billy, we do a 2000 year old man remake and it’ll knock their sox off! Their goddam sox!!”
Since when do Lamborghinis have bench seats up front?
She gives great tooth.
“…Billy. Did ya hear dey let non-Jews in here??”
“What.the.fuck.”
Lovely young lady. But what does the Sweet 16 refer to? The number of times she’s tried anal? Or…???
There’s really nothing like the sixteenth time you’ve tried anal. It’s definitely an occasion for the photo album.
“Spotted dick, indeed!”
Obvioulsy when he heard Mr. Reiner would be in attendance, Billy Crystal thought it would be Rob, not Carl.
Guy behind him: “Omigodomigod! He’s going to eat it! He’s going to eat my shit pâté!
Perez Hilton really lost some weight.
HA! Let’s see how hot they think you are in five years … BALD!
HA! Still hotter than Raoul I’d bet…
♪ B.B. King of the swingers,Oh the jungle VIP… ♫
For how to continue being a hot male actor in hollywood post-baldness see: Willis, Bruce.
He does kind of have that Willis smirk thing going on. Just not the acting chops.
You forgot Statham and getting there… Craig.
Move: Caps Lock
“Magnificent scent….I do say, quite magnificent. What is it?”
“It’s Gwyneyth Paltrow’s morning shit.”
{SNIFFFFF} “Quite, quite magnificent.”
*pooooooooot* “My wife used to faht just like that.”
Not too good at carrying an infant.
hehehe That’s exactly what I was thinking!
It’s sad that he fakes hostage situations to pick up blind girls. Clever, but sad.
Doesn’t she know she could make like $10 on those baby teeth?
Is she the illegitimate daughter of Lawrence Fishburne?
Yessir, I do believe it’s time for me to ruin another film.
Looks like whatshisface is waiting in the car behind her. You know, the kid from Dawson’s creek who wasn’t Dawson.
I think his name is Lucky Son of a Bitch.
You mean the one with the better career and more money?
Anyone else ever noticed you never see her and “The Crypt Keeper” in the same room??
“Alright Melissa. We’re going to cast you as a fat, obnoxious faux lesbian that acts like she doesnt give a fuck about men because none of them will sleep with you.”
Stand back! That jaw is about to unhinge!
Let it. It hides the Adam’s apple.
MOOBS
Bill Cosby tells the greatest stories.
“Mario, why do you insist on greeting me with an industrial leaf blower?”
Thread ends with a landscaper comment. Brilliant!
“Get the rope here. Slothy, Slothy, jumprope Slothy!”
2nd goonies reference on the site today!
Wow…now those look like two funny guys!
Where’s his taster?
On his knees, tasting.
I would cry too.
Why doesnt he just wear a black trash bag in public?
the little boy is debating on whether to waste his first boner on this or wait it out for something better.
There’s never a naked Comanche around when you need one
The same country that found Jerry Lewis to be a comic genius, found her to be beautiful.
Still don’t get it…
I totally do not get it. Okay she looked good at that wedding and all that but really?
Thumbs down because you used the phrase “really?”.
Are those the new Kim Kardashian Ass tires?
When did Scarjo die her hair?!
“…my eyess….are sinking into….my FEET”
You can see the bicycle crying!
If the Statue of Liberty was retarded
I could have swore this was Zac Efron….long sleeves in summer, shaved mustache, still a douche.
great! another pregnant chick. When will they stop???????
Now go flash THAT at Letterman…
They’ll stop when Hollywood runs out of nannies and celebs are no longer able to treat their kids as just fashion accessories.
If that’s not his daughter, shoot me now.
if it is his daughter, how about a mild bludgeoning?
Thanks. You’re a prince.