The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 3.25.14

March 25th, 2014 // 368 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where we bring you The Battle Of The Bitchface. Who will prevail? Will it be reigning champion and vagina cannon Kate Gosselin? Or will January Jones use the power of her frost gaze to defeat her? Wait, wait, there’s now a third challenger emerging with Booty Call star and the female Serena Williams, Vivica A. Fox throwing some serious shade on former Olympian and hybrid field mouse person Shawn Johnso– OH MY SWEET CHRIST, WHAT HAPPENED THERE?!

[Ed. Note] The above reaction is also acceptable for this pic of The Hoff,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. David Hasselhoff Fucked Up Face Acceleration 2014 Festival Presentation
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit, the ’80′s were a looooooooooong time ago.

  2. Kate Gosselin Bitchface Throwing Shade Side Eyeing Lady Celebrity Apprentice Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “Bitch, you’re lucky you’re not my kid cuz I would beat the shit out of you.

  3. Anna Chlumsky Nipples See Through Dress Veep Season Three Premiere
    Woody Allen
    Commented on this photo:

    She was so hot in “My Girl”

  4. Kylie Jenner Bikini Instagram
    Sylvester von Doom
    Commented on this photo:

    I really wish at least one of the self-absorbed, overly-entitled, absurdly wealthy and privileged young ladies we see so often here would make a 180-degree turnaround and, I dunno, spontaneously decide to say “fuck my family and the media and all of it” go to college, do well at it, and become an engineer or physicist or mathematician and just do their own very cool thing. Even Paris Hilton. How cool would it be if she just fucking went to Africa and started really helping people in a village or school? And never came back? EVEN if she became, like, a supervillain and started fucking with the whole celebrity dynamic and doing really mean, expensive-to-execute and totally anonymous “Project Mayhem / Fight Club”-type missions on her fellow celebs? The world would be such a better place…

  5. Tiger Woods Derpface PGA News Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s rare to see a balding black guy. They either have a full head of hair, or it’s shaved bald. It’s almost as rare as seeing a middle aged asian. They either look 12 or 80. Nothing in between.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …question; when you’re reading/commenting online, is it hard to see through those small eye holes in your hood? just curious…

  6. Kate Gosselin Bitchface Throwing Shade Side Eyeing Lady Celebrity Apprentice Set
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    repeating silently to self, “PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME. PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME. PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME.”

  7. January Jones Bitchface Son Xander Dancing Grabbing Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    January Jones, a child, and a cubic yard of quick dry cement. You do the math, kids, but I call it “probable cause”.

  8. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Kanye West Covering Face
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    If I was walking with Kim, I’d hide my face too.

  9. Tiger Woods Derpface PGA News Conference
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    Confucius say, “two bottles of water and short pants better than one ball busting wife.”

    By the way, that’s Confucius. Sitting in the chair.

  10. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Kanye West Covering Face
    Freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    I swear, every time I see a picture of her ass, it gets lower and lower. She needs an ass lift stat!!

  11. Samuel L Jackson Glaring At Scarlett Johansson Captain America The Winter Soldier Beijing Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    “I am so sick of you covering up those mother fucking titties with that mother fuck blouse!”

  12. David Hasselhoff Fucked Up Face Acceleration 2014 Festival Presentation
    Commented on this photo:

    Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light. He should be one of those people.

  13. Jonah Hill Excited Hood Up Random Chick In Car Pikey Bar
    Commented on this photo:

    Darth Hideous.

  14. Micaela Schaefer Pulling Blouse Open Cleavage Duesseldorf Beauty Fair
    Commented on this photo:

    I had no idea she was a Hulk Hogan fan.

  15. Jamie Foxx Glaring At Andrew Garfield Derpface The Amazing Spider Man 2 Photo Call Beijing
    Commented on this photo:

    Andrew: “I’m a little uncomfortable sitting next to the shocker.”
    Jaime: ” Electro… I played Electro in the movie.”
    Andrew: “This has nothing to do with the film and you know it!”

  16. Rachel Zoe Cleavage Side Boob Living In Style Inspiration And Advice for Everyday Glamour Tiffany & Co
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    I get the feeling that she has spent several hundred hours in front of a mirror with her “dermatologist” holding a botox-filled water cannon and practiced making this exact face-the one that has been designed to show the fewest wrinkles possible.

  17. Kate Gosselin Bitchface Throwing Shade Side Eyeing Lady Celebrity Apprentice Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Tarte au citron face.

  18. Jeremy Piven Dickprint Sweatpants Sandals
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere, Shia Labeouf is sitting in a corner stewing at his new-found competition.

  19. Jeremy Piven Dickprint Sweatpants Sandals
    Commented on this photo:

    He was going for Jon Hamm, but only made it to Adrian Grenier.

  20. Kylie Jenner Bikini Instagram
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    You know what’s creepy ? Her mother took this picture.
    Yeah, think about that for a minute….

  21. Jeremy Piven Dickprint Sweatpants Sandals
    Commented on this photo:

    Thirsty?

  22. Micaela Schaefer Pulling Blouse Open Cleavage Duesseldorf Beauty Fair
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    “Micaela, what’s your position on the fashion industry being a mechanism to exploit women and minimize their roles in society by focusing on the superficial and non-realistic goals?”

    “Dis how chicken tits look”

  23. Nick Carter Playing Guitar AJ McLean Sharing Microphone Backstreet Boys Performance
    fred
    Commented on this photo:

    I forget. Which Spice Girl was AJ? Oh. That’s right. He was Abe Lincoln Twink.

  24. Michelle Obama Malia Obama Sasha Obama Museum Of Terracotta Warriors Xian China
    Eric
    Commented on this photo:

    Look mom an empty suit, just like daddy!

  25. Jonah Hill Excited Hood Up Random Chick In Car Pikey Bar
    Commented on this photo:

    May the fork be with you.

  26. Kylie Jenner Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    If you still have a belly when you lift your arms above your head then you are fat. Good try on hiding it though…

  27. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Kanye West Covering Face
    Eric
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim must have feminine hygiene problems. She has a douche with her everywhere she goes.

  28. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Kanye West Covering Face
    Commented on this photo:

    “Kanye, you don’t have to worry. There aren’t any photographers.”
    “That ain’t it. I just don’t wanna be seen with you.”

  29. Samuel L Jackson Glaring At Scarlett Johansson Captain America The Winter Soldier Beijing Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    Her: “I dig black guys.”
    Him: “Sheeeeeeee – it, Scar-jo! That’s all you had to say.”

  30. Shawn Johnson Fat Weight Gain
    Indiana Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    you can try, but you can’t hide behind a jinormous bad and wear black

  31. Dwayne The Rock Johnson High As Fuck CinemaCon
    Commented on this photo:

    Jokes aside. This guy is NOT 6’5″. I autograph-hounded him once in Florida and took a picture with him. I am 5’11″ and he stood 2 MAYBE 3 inches taller than me. If he’s 6’5″ that means, I am 6’3″. (I’m not 6’3″).

    • Well, THAT does it. I’m never going to watch any of his movies again.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …YEAH, WELL, I MET HIM AT GOLD’S GYM IN VENICE, AND WE WERE BOTH IN SNEAKERS, AND I’M 6′, AND I SAY HE IS EVERY BIT 6’4 OR 6’5, SO THERE, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, HUH???

  32. Kylie Jenner Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    just like all the other Kuntdashian/Jenner spawn = DOG FACE.

  33. Kate Gosselin Bitchface Throwing Shade Side Eyeing Lady Celebrity Apprentice Set
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you sure this is for Celebrity Apprentice? Are you sure this isn’t from 2 weeks before getting the gig on Celebrity Apprentice?

  34. Kate Gosselin Bitchface Throwing Shade Side Eyeing Lady Celebrity Apprentice Set
    Commented on this photo:

    shouldn’t this rancid cunt be raising all the mongrels she shat out of her sludge pot, rather than fame-whoring for tv again? just a thought.

  35. Jeremy Piven Dickprint Sweatpants Sandals
    evilstamos
    Commented on this photo:

    Not pictured: anyone of note

  36. Nick Lachey Coco VH1 Morning Buzz
    Commented on this photo:

    white hand, orange face, gorilla’s ass.

  37. Giada De Laurentiis Fine Living TV Channel Presentation
    Commented on this photo:

    I am quite familiar with this lady, I watch her tits cook sometimes. but did she get a breast reduction or a head enlargement? something’s…. not right with the boobies.

  38. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Kanye West Covering Face
    Commented on this photo:

    Neat footwork from Kim – steering that ass between the bollards without knocking any over.

  39. Dwayne The Rock Johnson High As Fuck CinemaCon
    Guso
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh god, please smell that Mexican Burrito fart

  40. Shawn Johnson Fat Weight Gain
    Commented on this photo:

    Judging from the thumbs down, we’ve got a fat chick in the gallery. They always make themselves known, don’t they?

  41. Samuel L Jackson Glaring At Scarlett Johansson Captain America The Winter Soldier Beijing Press Conference
    Margaret
    Commented on this photo:

    …an’ I taught that Robin Thicke muthafucka this move right chere…

  42. Samuel L Jackson Glaring At Scarlett Johansson Captain America The Winter Soldier Beijing Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s going to look just like Adele when she’s 9 months.

  43. Samuel L Jackson Glaring At Scarlett Johansson Captain America The Winter Soldier Beijing Press Conference
    GnomeC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Get this mother-f@#king mother off my mother f#%king stage!”

  44. Samuel L Jackson Glaring At Scarlett Johansson Captain America The Winter Soldier Beijing Press Conference
    Mr. Fahrenheit
    Commented on this photo:

    “Scar, it’s me!”
    “Security?”
    “What’s wrong with you? It’s me!”
    “Security?”
    “It’s me, SAM MOTHERFUCKIN’ JACKSON, BITCH!”
    “Oh, hi, Sam. I didn’t see you there.”

  45. Kate Gosselin Bitchface Throwing Shade Side Eyeing Lady Celebrity Apprentice Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh you think this is easy? You want to try working with this cunt?”

  46. Ian McKellen Long Overcoat
    Commented on this photo:

    The coolest old man on earth.

  47. Michelle Obama Malia Obama Sasha Obama Museum Of Terracotta Warriors Xian China
    fuckface
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mommy, he’s got no head!”
    “Emasculating, isn’t it dear? How about a Fresca.”

  48. Micaela Schaefer Pulling Blouse Open Cleavage Duesseldorf Beauty Fair
    Commented on this photo:

    DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr

  49. Kim Kardashian Huge Disgusting Fat Ass Kanye West Covering Face
    Lou Braccant
    Commented on this photo:

    These two seem to always be out walking but yet no-one has been able to “accidentally” hit them with their car?

  50. Nick Carter Playing Guitar AJ McLean Sharing Microphone Backstreet Boys Performance
    Lou Braccant
    Commented on this photo:

    You pretend to play guitar….i’ll pretend to sing!

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