The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 12.20.11

December 20th, 2011 // 316 Comments

“So, wait, wait. Thetans are dead ghosts that give people depression? Who the fuck believes this shit?

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring a bunch of photos I don’t know how Photo Boy cobbled together because in case you haven’t noticed there isn’t a whole lot going on outside of former models in bikinis, not that you want to hear the wails of a man who writes dick jokes in his pajamas all day. Anyway, today we’ve got Paul Sorvino because did I mention jackshit is happening? Mariah Carey gunning for JLo’s Carmen Sandiego role, Vanessa Hudgens after a date with Ben Roethlisberger and the triumphant return of Boner Boy who’s literally one wrong glance away from spackling the joint. (Side Note: Is anyone surprised Stephanie Seymour still picks out his clothes? Just throwing that out there.)

Today’s Final Five is for the ladies,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Simon Cowell
    JP-A!
    Commented on this photo:

    Pepsi: drinking cup trademark.
    Smug Pomposity: Simon Cowell trademark.

  2. Joel Madden Pink Hair
    Commented on this photo:

    This picture makes me glad I can grow a beard all the way to my sideburns.

  3. Mariah Carey Aspen
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The more she covers the better she looks.

  4. Simon Cowell
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah Paula, drink up… That’s right, it’s only soda”

  5. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    And on that day, all of the 1 female readers of The Superficial finally got a Final 5 to call their own.

  6. Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy
    shonzie
    Commented on this photo:

    his inner monologue, “don’t get a boner!, don’t get a boner!, don’t get a boner!”

  7. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    Snake: “Something old’s on my arm!!! Get it off, get it off!!!”

  8. Viggo Mortensen
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently the zombie apocalypse has started and no one told me…

  9. Robin Thicke
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s gotta be a tranny.

  10. Mariah Carey Aspen
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    If she was naked under there, I’d actually find this pic a bit exciting.

  11. Mariah Carey Aspen
    whatsmyface
    Commented on this photo:

    Mariah Carey in Aspen, starving, freezing, and on the verge of committing a mass homicide.

  12. Paula Patton Cleavage Mission Impossible
    Commented on this photo:

    And this is how Tom made me pee!

  13. Amy Childs Cleavage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a bag of breasts.

  14. Katie Holmes
    Grace
    Commented on this photo:

    “What do you mean, 4 more years of THIS?!”

  15. Viggo Mortensen
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow… David Spade’s gotten old…

  16. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    Grace
    Commented on this photo:

    You know what? I like ‘em both. So I’ll pass. (I’m on the wrong site, am I right?)

  17. Joel Madden Pink Hair
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck…. this Prius is taller than me?

  18. Vanessa Hudgens Ashley Tisdale
    whatsmyface
    Commented on this photo:

    “So, come with me behind this dumpster over here and I’ll show you my pussy! I mean, you DO want to be my friend, right?”

  19. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like a homeless couple arguing over who gets to sleep in the box.

  20. Ali Larter Butt Yoga Pants
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    You see that England? Do you? THAT’S an ass.

  21. Paula Patton Cleavage Mission Impossible
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    And so I was nude see, and I bent over like this, see, and then…. nothing. Tom didn’t pop wood at all…. it was sad really.

  22. Simon Cowell
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey baby, wanna see my moobs?

  23. Joel Madden Pink Hair
    whatsmyface
    Commented on this photo:

    “Well, I hate to tell ya, but, your hair looks like an easter egg!”

  24. Robin Thicke
    Commented on this photo:

    What is he doing to the back of that guy’s neck?

  25. Paul Sorvino
    whatsmyface
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s melting.

  26. Vanessa Hudgens Ashley Tisdale
    Commented on this photo:

    “Let us harken unto West Hollywood to become beards! What say ye, sister?”

  27. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Giving us all the bedroom eyes.
    Well it’s not working. At least not for me.
    I’m going back to the awful Viggo pic and look at a real man, not some overdressed Hollywood playa.

  28. Paula Patton Cleavage Mission Impossible
    whatsmyface
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice dress, Paula. Laundry day?

  29. Anthony Keidis
    Joe Blow
    Commented on this photo:

    Not to worry. I will find ze jewels, or my nom de plume is not Inspector Clouseau

  30. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    whatsmyface
    Commented on this photo:

    Meh.

  31. Amy Childs Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    She has the kind of face that looks like it would melt in the sun, revealing the aardvark behind the mask.

    A tall, big-tittied aardvark.

  32. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    whatsmyface
    Commented on this photo:

    Still no. Cut the hair. This final five is shit.

  33. Anthony Keidis
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    “Your report has impressed the Führer. I appoint you commander of Paris Fashion Week.”

  34. Paul Sorvino
    Commented on this photo:

    At home there’s a little tiny cat that makes herself at home on the top of his back.

  35. Paula Patton Cleavage Mission Impossible
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ghost protocol? For me it means airing out my gooch.”

  36. Vanessa Hudgens Ashley Tisdale
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh look, it’s ‘Has’ and ‘Been’ out for a stroll.

  37. Alan Thicke Tanya Callau
    Commented on this photo:

    “I love you too son.”

  38. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    Commented on this photo:

    “Try not to say ‘doing your wife’, try not to say ‘doing your wife’…”

  39. Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a muhfuckin’ t-shirt, for fuck’s sake. How much fitting does he actually need? Regain your dignity, cut the apron strings, Boner Boy!

  40. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    whatsmyface
    Commented on this photo:

    Fish, Photo Boy, I’m not going to claim that most women know what we want, because we don’t, but we know what we don’t want and it’s this cocksmoker. Or, maybe that’s just me.

  41. Paul Sorvino
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    SOConnor likes this

  42. Amy Childs Cleavage
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    The way that dress is sitting on her reminds me of the Christmas I tried to wrap a bicycle.

  43. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    Kitty
    Commented on this photo:

    he has very nice hair,it’s like… pretty…

  44. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    “…and then I was a Whopper flopper for 8 months, then I was made Assistant Manager. So I’m very good with customers and I know the difference between a chalupa and an enchirito. I can start Monday…”

  45. Simon Cowell
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s right. Simon always gets the biggest black microphone.

  46. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    userofalltrades
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he supposed to be at that premiere? Or is he just Lost?

  47. Simon Cowell
    Commented on this photo:

    “Just before the show I always drink a large glass of yesterday’s piss to set my mood.”

  48. Amy Childs Cleavage
    MILF
    Commented on this photo:

    Miley Cyrus in 2 years.

  49. Amy Childs Cleavage
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I suspect that waking up beside her could be a life altering experience. Of the magnitude of waking up in a tent up north and realizing that snuffling sound outside was a bear.

  50. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    Studley Hungwell
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he there so they can use his fivehead to show the premeire of the movie on?

Leave A Comment