The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 12.20.11

December 20th, 2011 // 316 Comments

“So, wait, wait. Thetans are dead ghosts that give people depression? Who the fuck believes this shit?

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring a bunch of photos I don’t know how Photo Boy cobbled together because in case you haven’t noticed there isn’t a whole lot going on outside of former models in bikinis, not that you want to hear the wails of a man who writes dick jokes in his pajamas all day. Anyway, today we’ve got Paul Sorvino because did I mention jackshit is happening? Mariah Carey gunning for JLo’s Carmen Sandiego role, Vanessa Hudgens after a date with Ben Roethlisberger and the triumphant return of Boner Boy who’s literally one wrong glance away from spackling the joint. (Side Note: Is anyone surprised Stephanie Seymour still picks out his clothes? Just throwing that out there.)

Today’s Final Five is for the ladies,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Frank Burns

    Here’s hoping someone will make a Cliff Notes for Katie Holmes expressions, because she has a freaking odd variety of them.

  2. Vanessa Hudgens Ashley Tisdale
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn I’d love to jump in between those two.

  3. Viggo Mortensen
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, somebody looks……great

  4. Amy Childs Cleavage
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Next time try L’Oreal instead of the store brand, honey.

  5. Paul Sorvino
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “I dont have the Florsheim’s in a 12, but I brought you an 11 1/2.”

  6. Nicole Scherzinger Cleavage
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “I hate child singers and everything they represent. Oops, did I say that out loud? Uhm . . . hey, check out my rack.”

  7. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    slippinx12
    Commented on this photo:

    How man squirrels must die, for her to look fly

  8. Anthony Keidis
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Shocker Winona Ryder is behind him trying to steal his wallet.

  9. Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Here son, try this on, it will go great with your raging Oedipal complex. And quit staring at mommy’s butt in the mirror.”

  10. whatsmyface

    My God! That fucking sweater is hideous! Look, Katie, I know it’s been nearly 17 years since my sister died but that doesn’t mean you can rummage through her old shit and take whatever you want! Just do your chores and maybe Tom will give you enough money to go buy yourself a new one, ok, hun?

  11. Mariah Carey Aspen
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Mariah finally decided to turn detective and investigate the disappearance of her career.

  12. Josh Holloway Mission Impossible
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    (Let’s see……f I go with the steak tonight, I’ll either have to shit immediately and have swamp ass the rest of the night, or hold it in and pray to god I don’t fart when Lindsay Lohan’s blowing me…….fuck, it’s Joan Rivers)

  13. Katie Holmes
    Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone told her Tom Cruise’s true sexuality

  14. Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude looks like he is trying hard to concentrate from getting a boner. God, look at those tits.

  15. Viggo Mortensen
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    After hours of following the mysterious purple tape around the block, Viggo found that the other end was attached to the back of his shoe.

  16. Mariah Carey Aspen
    Commented on this photo:

    I am wishing that she is wearing nothing under that trench coat. I would bang her with nothing but those boots and that hat on.

  17. Katie Holmes
    mark m
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look Tom…THAT man is kissing a WOMAN!”

  18. Simon Cowell
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry to tell you that Simon, your facelift sucks. Sue the doctor!

  19. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    Since when did she go from looking like a man to looking my crazy Aunt Susie. She’s aged about 30 years!

  20. really

    Fish, getting tired of Katie Holmes / Tom Cruise updates. We get it, he’s a scientologist. There’s no story here.

  21. Robin Thicke
    Commented on this photo:

    Which one is the wax statue?

  22. Paula Patton Cleavage Mission Impossible
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s an awkward pose, but I would bang her nonetheless.

  23. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    “…and then I say no you can’t have a juice box. You’ve already brushed your teeth. You wouldn’t the fit that happened. It’s like this every time he premiers a new movie. Poor little guy gets so would up.”

  24. Nicole Scherzinger Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    I would love to unzip that dress and motorboat those jugs.

  25. Simon Cowell
    Commented on this photo:

    “What, me backwash?”

  26. Simon Cowell
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Another smart ass asking me about my shitty show’s ratings…don’t these people know who I am?

  27. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    @BlackManUSAontwitter
    Commented on this photo:

    I see she has one of those new labia coats. That ones the Khloe.

  28. Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy
    Commented on this photo:

    “This shirt will cover it up, but make sure you wear tighter pants or you’ll be pitching a pup tent with it. Okay, a gay pup tent, if you insist, but a pup tent nevertheless. Mmmkay?”

  29. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh look, he’s got a little yuletide shirt on. I had one when I was a little boy too.

  30. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    bdog821
    Commented on this photo:

    The name is Snake Plisken dammit!

  31. Katie Holmes
    Trixie
    Commented on this photo:

    Off camera, assistant: “Open wide! Here comes the airplane!!”

  32. Ali Larter Butt Yoga Pants
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet you a tub of Cool Whip that she shaves it all off.

  33. Vanessa Hudgens Ashley Tisdale
    bdog821
    Commented on this photo:

    Who knew homeless people could make fashion statements????

  34. Joel Madden Pink Hair
    shonzie
    Commented on this photo:

    “gotta remember to pickup some more douche on the way home. my bag is almost empty”

  35. Robin Thicke
    Commented on this photo:

    This reminds me of Mad Magazine’s, Sergio Aragonés, The Shadow Knows comics. Robin Thicke the man, but his shadow showing us the truth. http://mad.blog.dccomics.com/2011/06/21/“the-shadow-knows”-returns/

  36. Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Having a really bot mom would be weird. Having a hot sister was bad enough.

  37. Mariah Carey Aspen
    Commented on this photo:

    “We must find Nick, kids. Go-go-gadget gaydar!”

  38. Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, I like this one mom…it’ll look great wadded up at the foot of your bed”

  39. Katie Holmes
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look at how bad my blowjob face has gotten! I never get to use it anymore!”

  40. Viggo Mortensen
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh look a Captain…G…shirt?

  41. Vanessa Hudgens Ashley Tisdale
    shonzie
    Commented on this photo:

    Drifting off to daydream bonerland. “dear Penthouse Forum, so I was walking through a parking lot, and you’ll never believe who I spotted….. “

  42. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    No Katie, thetans are invisible…black microphones aren’t.

  43. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s nice that they’re still together. Long term coupledom in Hollywood is so very rare.

  44. Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell Aspen
    Commented on this photo:

    “You look old!”
    “No, YOU look fucking OLD!”

  45. Paul Sorvino
    Commented on this photo:

    In prison, dinner was always a big thing. We had a pasta course, then we had a meat or a fish. Paulie was doing a year for contempt and had a wonderful system for garlic. He used a razor and sliced it so thin it would liquefy in the pan with a little oil. It’s a very good system.

  46. Ali Larter Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’s the bitch with her?

  47. Paul Sorvino
    shonzie
    Commented on this photo:

    he looks like the dog that used to chase Sylvester the cat in the Looney Toons

  48. Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s almost as pretty as she is.

  49. Simon Cowell
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    It appears that he doesn’t swallow like Kim does.

  50. Anthony Keidis
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the look of a woman who’s always wanted to have cosplay sex with Hitler.

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