“What do you mean them kids won’t take Kazaam action figures again this year?”
Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where we find Peter Facinelli about to prematurely imprint all over Kellan Lutz‘s hand as well as Steven Tyler finding out why he’ll be on tour for the next 18 years, seven and a half months. Most importantly, we salute Pippa Middleton for addressing the rumor that she got dumped by squeezing into stretchy pants and showcasing an ass that only a Penn State Defensive Coordinator could love.
I’ll be waiting for your call, MI-6
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
“You’re right. They ARE smooth!”
Let me get this straight, children fall in cages all the time and get eaten yet a horrific human being that has only ever been out-whored by Kris Jenner, survives…
Looks like I need to apply at Coupon Cabin. She’s worked there a week and already gets paid vacation.
I like that her pussy has whiskers.
Dude in the fat guy hat is obviously a PC.
PC…??? Police Commissioner? From what city?
“Yeah…I think I’d like to play 3-13-5-56-42 and 45 for the powerball.”
Polo hat? Check. T-shirt tucked in? Check. Only thing missing is a gold cart.
fuck…golf CART. Oh well. At least he’s fucking Natalie Portman. I had to jerk off in the shower.
So true. And I feel ya.
You forgot the purple scarf!
A lot of people think of children as a gift. Then again a lot of people think of socks as a gift.
Haha
I knew I shouldn’t have got IED advice from Wile E Coyote.
How much for one order a’ rib? No, no ONE rib…
Do ya got change for a hunnert?
American Idol judge by night, Reiki master by day.
…as he eagerly awaits the horse tranquilizers to take effect…
You got that vibe too, huh?
“Aspertame gives me g-a-a-a-a-a-a-s.”
Why does he insist on always posing like a 5-year old that just stole a cookie from the cupboard?
It’s his “please like me because life is so much more fun when you like me for Austin Powers than when you hate me for The Love Guru” face.
World’s Worst title for a book.
No shit! Does it mean beauty gives you brain cancer? Or is it promoting brain cancer? ‘I’m all for brain cancer, and I’m beautiful!’ Maybe all those chemicals women spread on their faces eventually gives them brain cancer? What?!
Are they waiting for her to birth another baby?
Cut her hair short and tape down the boobs and you could convince me it was Dennis Quaid.
Agreed.
Hilton Worldwide celebrates the opening of the Bali Hilton. In other Hilton news, Paris Hilton has filed suit in California claiming the Kardashians have stolen her trade secrets on how to become famous for absolutely nothing.
I wonder if she’s hoping the Coriolis Effect makes her relevant again?
So I guess Jamie Fox now has to give up his title as most cross-eyed black celebrity. Boy, that dude just cannot catch a break.
“Ew, I don’t want you to display my kids in this mediocre cage. They should get a full, simulated habitat to live in.”
So Paris is now reduced to appearing on the Indonesian “My Super Sweet 16″?
Give her a break, shes’s pregnant.
Is she?
The Duffster is so knocked up.
She should have worn an actual maternity dress instead of stuffing herself into someone’s junior prom dress.
fuck that shit. if women want to ruin their bodies by shitting out kids, then they can take the same abuse everyone else gets about their appearance.
This is exactly why the arts should go up in flames.
LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!! I don’t care how “in shape” you are, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!
get over it.
so technically she’s not wearing any pants….
so technically none of the fellas should be complaining…
Oh she never would believe where my cookies come from.
Let’s just say it’ll put a cookie-eating grin on her face?
Why is Steven Tyler letting Russell Brand rub his girlfriend’s belly ?
Lol
Her bunions are so bad she’s got them popping out near her neck.
Dude those are laugh lines.
I think to get those you have to laugh, or smile
If I were a small child and this man tried to give me a present I would probably react badly.
Yes, but would you reload afterwards?
Pick up three limes for me at the grocery store will you?
That’s what Portman does when he gets drunk….she drives him to a strange neighborhood and hopes he doesn’t make it back.
Kate: “Hey Doc, those smart pills taste like shit”
Doctor: “See, they’re working”
Yah, he’s sober. As a judge.
If you see a girl with an expression like this in a bar, skip the ‘Hi my name is…..’
We really don’t know who the hell that is.
“Ewww you lied, a monkeys nuts do NOT taste like bananas.”
Look honey you can feel it moving. My bowels, they are moving.
As comedians get older, do they just get less funny or has my brain’s humor gland gotten so highly developed that it takes alot more to make me laugh ?
I think it’s starting to happen…..it’s overdue….this worthless bimbo’s slow fade into obscurity.
At least Paris never involved herself in a sham marriage.
Did I just accidentally type something positive about Paris Hilton?
*swigs schnapps*
Now don’t beat yourself up, Doc. Just because syphilis is worse than chlamydia doesn’t mean chlamydia isn’t bad.
And pass the schnapps, would you?
“Youll never guess where my penis is right now…the jet…it’s in the jet…my penis is in the jet…that’s where it is.”
As far as I know there’s been no marriage. He hasn’t got the prize quite tied down all the way.
She looks flat in this picture.
I thought the turkeys were her tits!!
Someone was just overheard saying ‘Kelly Brook is hotter.’
Latina shitstorm in 3, 2, 1…
Looks like her hair line is receeding.
Future spokeswoman for “The Hairclub for Woman.”
It’s the new smaller implants post baby body debut. Not bad. She’s always been able to make the most of her modest good looks and meager talent in all aspects of her life. It’s impressive.
I like him…he seems like he’s trying to be a happy guy. Good on him….to bad he had a loser of a bitch wife.
‘Make Believe You Can Act’ Annual Gala
He absolutely terrifies me.
You can see she would easily beat his ass in an arm wrestling contest. Maybe he likes it that way.
Ah yes, a new design from Marc Jacobs ‘Jaundice’ line.