The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 11.1.11

November 1st, 2011 // 398 Comments

Apparently Dane Cook jokes make great Hasselhoff memes. Who knew?

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring a rare Elin Nordegren sighting (Alright, who left their gold doubloons out in the open?), Katherine Heigl still dressing like your grandmother and Harrison Ford proving just how whipped Calista Flockhart‘s anorexic vagina has him even though I could’ve sworn she had it caved in. You know how much weight a functioning birth canal adds? Half a pound, fatties.

Bringing you healthy tips for healthy living,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. David Hasselhoff
    Commented on this photo:

    “Smell my breath…no vodka, right?”

  2. Harrison Ford Calista Flockhart Halloween Costume
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck yeah.
    That old man rocks.
    I’ll bet the bulge in his silly tights is the real deal.
    Hope the anorexic Mrs. keeps him happy.

  3. Who the Fuck Said I Said That?

    Am I cool to drive?

  4. Candice Swanepoel Erin Heatherton Cleavage Victorias Secret
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it a tampon commercial?

  5. Harrison Ford Calista Flockhart Halloween Costume
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    All that hard liquor has done wonders for his skin.

  6. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    Poor woman. Desperately protecting something that nobody wants to take.

  7. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Richard McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    Why are her legs like that? Are they broken?

    *cocks gun, flips cigarette onto ground*

  8. Harrison Ford Calista Flockhart Halloween Costume
    Commented on this photo:

    Greedo won, man… he won..

  9. Elin Nordegren Butt Tight Jeans
    Richard McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Feely, looks like she’s got her phone her ass pocket rather than in her hand. You happy now?

  10. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Jill
    Commented on this photo:

    Sarah Jessica Parker playing charades. The phrase was “I’ve gotta piss like a racehorse”.

  11. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Commented on this photo:

    Take your pick:
    1. I think we’re beating a dead horse here.
    2. I’ve never seen a horse give birth on a sofa before.

  12. Katherine Heigl Strange Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    Are they doing a prequel to Driving Miss Daisy?

  13. Pete Doherty
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    Pete Doherty decided on Halloween he would go as a heroin-addicted, syphilis-infected homeless drunk.

  14. Ray Liotta Middle Finger
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    Guess what this smells like

  15. Katherine Heigl Strange Clothes
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks anonymous without the disguise.

  16. Katherine Heigl Strange Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    Katherine Heigl, having been costumed as Gloria Swanson for 29 hours straight, continues her quest to break the Guinness Book of World Records for tons of Halloween trick-or-treat candy collected.”

  17. Pete Doherty
    Commented on this photo:

    Not to say Amy Winehouse was the picture of perfect health but how the hell is this dude still alive. I mean seriously, couldn’t she have played that one last drinking game with him?

  18. Tia Carrera
    Richard McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    How about we not do an “EXTREME CLOSE UP” on those cankles.

  19. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    You can get away with a funny face when you’re young and have a rockin’ body.

    • Snack pack

      Actually, I prefer this to her usual mug.

    • Deryn

      May be, but I wish she’d dispense with the ingenue leg placement and perpetually surprised expressions. Jesus. You dress like a lady; comport yourself like one.

  20. Uma Thurman
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    In the days of yore it is said that many a man would fap to pictures of this woman. We believe this tale has no basis in fact.

  21. Harrison Ford Calista Flockhart Halloween Costume
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought Howard Stern was taller than that.

  22. Harrison Ford Calista Flockhart Halloween Costume
    Noel
    Commented on this photo:

    hey look, he’s holding Chris Brown’s “penis!”

  23. Tia Carrera
    Commented on this photo:

    On the next extreme makeover: Uber 90′s hottie Tia Carrera turns into the lady that does your wife’s pedi and mani.

  24. America Ferrera Tight Dress
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She has a healthy set of lungs.

  25. Rose McGowan
    iola
    Commented on this photo:

    Ew to that face.

  26. Mickey Rourke Eric Roberts Walk Of Fame Ceremony
    Commented on this photo:

    “Quick Eric, get me to my doctor. The skin compound I use only lasts for 1 hour.”

  27. krista

    great, now i want a god damn whopper.

  28. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Ah-Ha
    Commented on this photo:

    I think I finally realize why these actors and actresses get paid the big bucks. Because even when they make movies like this, they still have to travel the world and promote their failures like they’re genuinely worth everyone’s time. That, my friends, is what you call dedication to the job.

  29. Rose McGowan
    Commented on this photo:

    “You’re a mean one, Mrs. Grinch….”

  30. Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Mental checklist:
    1. Black sunglasses
    2. Black Jacket
    3. Black pants
    What am I missing??? Oh yeah! Black tube steak!

  31. Harrison Ford Calista Flockhart Halloween Costume
    Commented on this photo:

    Callista: “Look at meeeee!! I’m living WILD! I ate a CALORIE!”

  32. Mickey Rourke Eric Roberts Walk Of Fame Ceremony
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    They make a cute couple.
    There’s not much doubt who’s the bottom.

  33. Rose McGowan
    Commented on this photo:

    This chick was a bitch before the accident and she’s still a bitch; can’t stand her. Then again, there’s not too many people in Hollywierd that l like anyway.

  34. Rose McGowan
    Commented on this photo:

    “What the fuck, those paps never try to shoot pictures up my skirt!”

  35. Candice Swanepoel Erin Heatherton Cleavage Victorias Secret
    Commented on this photo:

    Sigh, she finally died of starvation. Fly to heaven!

  36. Sarah Jessica Parker
    farting old man's wife
    Commented on this photo:

    Barbra Bush called she wants her necklace back!

  37. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Commented on this photo:

    “Excuse me, are farts supposed to be wet and lumpy?”

  38. Sarah Jessica Parker
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    I Don’t Know Why She Does It [constantly makes that face].

  39. Ray Liotta Middle Finger
    farting old man's wife
    Commented on this photo:

    Look how high I can count!!!

  40. Uma Thurman
    g33k
    Commented on this photo:

    Should not have ate the shrimp….

  41. Tia Carrera
    farting old man's wife
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like the old lady from Memoirs of Geisha that ran the house!!

  42. Uma Thurman
    farting old man's wife
    Commented on this photo:

    She is showing how to give a blow job!!

  43. Elin Nordegren Butt Tight Jeans
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a pretty cheap-looking princess costume. The jeans were undoubtedly 10 times more expensive/less flammable.

  44. Mickey Rourke Eric Roberts Walk Of Fame Ceremony
    farting old man's wife
    Commented on this photo:

    2 old queens!!

  45. Kim Kardashian
    farting old man's wife
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks shocked that her marriage didn’t work!!!

  46. David Hasselhoff
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m going to blow your face”

  47. Pete Doherty
    Commented on this photo:

    Pete Doherty apparently believes he can make a living stealing windshield wipers for the Black Market.

  48. Adrian Grenier
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    “D-bag OUT!”

  49. Uma Thurman
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    Uma: “**hack! cough! ** You want me to take a picture of you and your son? **wheeze! cough!** Sure mister, stand over by that wall **cough! hack!** But’s it’s gonna cost ya a twenty… ” **hork! spit! splat!
    Tourist: “Um, maybe on second thought I just video my son in front of Lady Liberty… uh, you can keep the camera!”

  50. Harrison Ford Calista Flockhart Halloween Costume
    Commented on this photo:

    These Indiana Jones subplots just keep getting dumber and dumber. What’s he going to do next? Hide in a fridge to escape a nuclear blast?

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