Apparently Dane Cook jokes make great Hasselhoff memes. Who knew?
Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring a rare Elin Nordegren sighting (Alright, who left their gold doubloons out in the open?), Katherine Heigl still dressing like your grandmother and Harrison Ford proving just how whipped Calista Flockhart‘s anorexic vagina has him even though I could’ve sworn she had it caved in. You know how much weight a functioning birth canal adds? Half a pound, fatties.
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“Smell my breath…no vodka, right?”
Fuck yeah.
That old man rocks.
I’ll bet the bulge in his silly tights is the real deal.
Hope the anorexic Mrs. keeps him happy.
Am I cool to drive?
Is it a tampon commercial?
All that hard liquor has done wonders for his skin.
Poor woman. Desperately protecting something that nobody wants to take.
Why are her legs like that? Are they broken?
*cocks gun, flips cigarette onto ground*
+100
Holy Mary that was funny.
Greedo won, man… he won..
Hey Feely, looks like she’s got her phone her ass pocket rather than in her hand. You happy now?
I almost shit myself in surprise.
to be fair, I was already almost shitting myself after a huge Taco Bell lunch.
Sarah Jessica Parker playing charades. The phrase was “I’ve gotta piss like a racehorse”.
+1 Brilliant!
Take your pick:
1. I think we’re beating a dead horse here.
2. I’ve never seen a horse give birth on a sofa before.
Are they doing a prequel to Driving Miss Daisy?
Driving Miss Dumbass.
Pete Doherty decided on Halloween he would go as a heroin-addicted, syphilis-infected homeless drunk.
Guess what this smells like
She looks anonymous without the disguise.
She looks like LiLo.
Katherine Heigl, having been costumed as Gloria Swanson for 29 hours straight, continues her quest to break the Guinness Book of World Records for tons of Halloween trick-or-treat candy collected.”
Not to say Amy Winehouse was the picture of perfect health but how the hell is this dude still alive. I mean seriously, couldn’t she have played that one last drinking game with him?
+1
How about we not do an “EXTREME CLOSE UP” on those cankles.
You can get away with a funny face when you’re young and have a rockin’ body.
Actually, I prefer this to her usual mug.
May be, but I wish she’d dispense with the ingenue leg placement and perpetually surprised expressions. Jesus. You dress like a lady; comport yourself like one.
In the days of yore it is said that many a man would fap to pictures of this woman. We believe this tale has no basis in fact.
I thought Howard Stern was taller than that.
hey look, he’s holding Chris Brown’s “penis!”
On the next extreme makeover: Uber 90′s hottie Tia Carrera turns into the lady that does your wife’s pedi and mani.
She has a healthy set of lungs.
I was going to say the Titty Fairy been ‘bery, bery good to her!’
Ew to that face.
“Quick Eric, get me to my doctor. The skin compound I use only lasts for 1 hour.”
great, now i want a god damn whopper.
why? burger king sux.
I think I finally realize why these actors and actresses get paid the big bucks. Because even when they make movies like this, they still have to travel the world and promote their failures like they’re genuinely worth everyone’s time. That, my friends, is what you call dedication to the job.
“You’re a mean one, Mrs. Grinch….”
+100
Mental checklist:
1. Black sunglasses
2. Black Jacket
3. Black pants
What am I missing??? Oh yeah! Black tube steak!
Black microphone!
Callista: “Look at meeeee!! I’m living WILD! I ate a CALORIE!”
They make a cute couple.
There’s not much doubt who’s the bottom.
This chick was a bitch before the accident and she’s still a bitch; can’t stand her. Then again, there’s not too many people in Hollywierd that l like anyway.
“What the fuck, those paps never try to shoot pictures up my skirt!”
Sigh, she finally died of starvation. Fly to heaven!
Barbra Bush called she wants her necklace back!
“Excuse me, are farts supposed to be wet and lumpy?”
I Don’t Know Why She Does It [constantly makes that face].
Look how high I can count!!!
Should not have ate the shrimp….
She looks like the old lady from Memoirs of Geisha that ran the house!!
Michelle Yeoh ? She’s pretty MILFy too
No I mean the old lady that smoked the pipe and kept the books!! Michelle Yeoh is gorgeous, the one in the picture not so much!
She is showing how to give a blow job!!
More like what she had to do to Tarantino’s toes to get the part of The Bride in Kill Bill
That’s a pretty cheap-looking princess costume. The jeans were undoubtedly 10 times more expensive/less flammable.
2 old queens!!
She looks shocked that her marriage didn’t work!!!
“I’m going to blow your face”
Pete Doherty apparently believes he can make a living stealing windshield wipers for the Black Market.
“D-bag OUT!”
Uma: “**hack! cough! ** You want me to take a picture of you and your son? **wheeze! cough!** Sure mister, stand over by that wall **cough! hack!** But’s it’s gonna cost ya a twenty… ” **hork! spit! splat!
Tourist: “Um, maybe on second thought I just video my son in front of Lady Liberty… uh, you can keep the camera!”
These Indiana Jones subplots just keep getting dumber and dumber. What’s he going to do next? Hide in a fridge to escape a nuclear blast?