Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed which draws heavily from last night’s premiere of Gangster Squad, because a.) Sean Penn, who is apparently an old leather purse now, was there, and b.) Nick Nolte showed up shitfaced in a silk bathrobe, so how does the entire paparazzi not show up for that? We also scraped up Pamela Anderson taking the Lindsay Lohan’s Blowin’ For Blow Tour™ of London and this JWoww pic that will inspire a new video claiming yet another conspiracy — to photoshop her face this time — making it seem like it’s full of Play-doh and butt fat.
Today’s Final Five, I just, I don’t…I blame Hammered-Drunk, Kimono-Wearing Nolte again,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
“I’m not masturbating. It’s just really hard to find my keys.”
She told her plastic surgeon “I wanna look like Tracey Ullman with huge cans!” and he ran with it.
“Sir, you and your drag queen can’t park here.”
“My what?”
“I have a package for Mr.Gullible.”
“Get someone to go check the water heater in there. I only got about half way thru my shower before it turned cold.”
Very cute, especially for an imbecile.
Look who got a new hair-hat for Hanukkah!
Way, way too much. Of everything!
“Mr Tarantino. Thank you for endorsing our coffee shop on your hat and making Spike Lee relevant by giving him something to be butt-hurt about.”
“Shit homie! It’s what I do!”
“I’ll take Kim Kardashian Oscar Roles for $400, Alex…”
“This next exercise is called the “Kim K and Ray J (grabs Microphone)… I’m Ray J”!”
“I usually don’t drink coffee while I jog because chunks of my donuts fall into my cup…”
“Do you people think a gentleman such as myself would answer questions of that nature about Kelly Brook? I am offended…That pussy was SUPERB!”
“Play a man in a commercial with erectile dysfunction?… I’LL DO IT!!”
*laugh*.. and ya know I was working with that can of Orange Tan, and I’ll be damned if that sunofabitch didn’t get away from me.
“Hey Ashton. Why do you and Mila keep changing your numbers?”
very good!
I gotta say, the crew of her television program, The Killing, do a helluva job making her homely looking.
“You want motor-boating lessons from me? I don’t own a boat silly!”
“Ladies, though it’s only symbolic, when you kick these balls, kick ‘em as HARD as you can!”
“I’ll bet these are the best implants you’ve seen all day…”
Sneaking through the alley with Sally.. and up pops the wife.
Pippa!?
Is it really that fucking cold in LA right now?
Just wanna crawl up in there and take a nap.
Not even his prostitutes want to be seen with him.
shit, he scares me even in a pic like this!
So sad. This girl used to be good looking. Now, she’s putting on weight, getting bizzaro face surgery and… and… gee-ZUS! is that the start of a meth face on those cheeks?Thank God she got that education to back herself up when her looks went south. Wait a minute…
Seriously… WHAT is J-Woww doing to her face?! (And yes, this one actually is on the correct photo).
“And then her vagine hang down, like wizard’s sleeve”.
And that dear children, is how Billy Zane went from male model to old queen in only 20 pounds.
“What the?! Quentin Tarintino?! I said I wanted Hollywood ugly! Not real-life ugly!”
that’s no camel toe, that’s a horse’s mouth
Looks like the British guy “Shelley Boothbishop” from Family Guy
I’ve been amazed at women shooting ping pong balls out, but DAMN this takes the cake!
I’d hang those meat curtains on my rod.
Well, I know exactly where my face should be.
Is his next role “Cigar Store Indian”?
Billy Idol finally went to Copenhagen and made the transition to being a woman. And the hair? I shall call it Rebel Yellow.
Well, at least we know Madonna renounced Satan…
…And Burl Ives as Dick Tracy
Mr. FU sez . . .
Time to give him the world champion belt for Mr. Carpet of the Universe.
Past Winners:
William Shatner
Burt Reyolds
Liberace
Marv Albert
Rosie O’Donnell
Why is she famous? Televised STDs?
nice curves, sexy ass
Fresh
This… Ladies and Gentlemen… Is a Mexican Hairless.
This guy is almost as unlikeable as Jared Leto or Justin Beiber.