The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 1.7.14

January 7th, 2014 // 399 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, where I’ll take great care not to write anything too offensive, because some of you out there may have personally experienced the tragedies in today’s gallery. Tragedies like paying for your favorite prostitute only to have this old lady show up instead, or being psychologically coerced into a hotel suite shower by Matthew McConaughey. We can all relate to that one. I’d usually say something like this black deputy would probably rather have an entire conversation with white people about The Wire than escort an entitled, rich actor from a five-star restaurant, but somebody out there probably liked Gangster Squad, so I don’t want to step on any toes.

The Superficial: Your Security Blanket Since 1973,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Matthew McConaughey Gisele Bundchen Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
    MrChips
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s wondering how she gets her armpits so smooth.

  2. Alice Eve Cold Comes The Night Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    Plastic sponsor curtain…$299.00
    Easel with Movie poster…$ 99.00
    That moment when you realize that your big movie premiere is for a straight to DVD film the studio has no faith in financing … Priceless.

  3. Johnny Depp Moustache Mortdecai Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wait a second…Are you Lil’ John? Where’s your Pimp cup?”

  4. Kourtney Kardashian Scott Disick Fur Shawl Designer Jeans
    Matt
    Commented on this photo:

    Why don’t they just abbreviate his last name to ‘Dick’ already.

  5. Cate Blanchett Bugeyed New York Film Critics Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Cougar

  6. Lena Dunham Yellow Teeth Allison Williams Girls Season 3 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like one of those pictures of Jonah Hill next to DiCaprio only weirder and somehow more pathetic.

  7. Matthew McConaughey Gisele Bundchen Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
    Commented on this photo:

    I can always tell when the Patriots are in the playoffs, because that’s when the Brady household sends its man around to promote the team.

  8. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
    Commented on this photo:

    “See, sir? There’s nothing here in Room 237 to be afraid of.”

  9. Luke Wilson Scruffy Beard
    Andie
    Commented on this photo:

    Still hot. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Plus- I think his movies are good. I seriously haven’t seen him do anything I didn’t like.

  10. Cate Blanchett Bugeyed New York Film Critics Awards
    Andie
    Commented on this photo:

    I love her. I think she looks fantastic.

  11. Johnny Depp Moustache Mortdecai Set
    Andie
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugh. I hate the blond on him.

  12. Julianne Moore Butt Bikini Bottom Wetsuit Top Pale Skin
    Andie
    Commented on this photo:

    This woman is timeless. I fucking love her. She’s fantastic in everything she does too.

  13. Kourtney Kardashian Scott Disick Fur Shawl Designer Jeans
    Commented on this photo:

    WARNING: Prolonged exposure to a Kardashian may lead to involuntary gender reassignment. (See also: Jenner, Bruce.)

  14. Sharni Vinson Skinny Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Auschwitz porn is nothing to laugh at, man.

  15. Johnny Depp Moustache Mortdecai Set
    Commented on this photo:

    “My name is Mortdecai. I have the power of turning your reflection in the mirror white. Look upon me with awe.”

  16. Beth Chapman Huge Fat Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she lose 300 pounds? Or is she still with Duane?

  17. Julianne Moore Butt Bikini Bottom Wetsuit Top Pale Skin
    Commented on this photo:

    Inside Amber’s Waves.

  18. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Let’s see. Fixed up Haiti, grabbed a quick $500 dinner. Yep, schedule’s clear.

  19. Jackie Chan Hong Kong Charity Event
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    See. Not dead yet.

  20. Rob Ford Yellow Teeth Press Conference
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Currently filming the Chris Farley bio “In a Van Down By the River”.

  21. Jennifer Nicole Lee Butt Bikini Holding Football
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Passing footballs with the freighters on the horizon is damn hard work.

  22. Juan Pablo Galavis Cameron Diaz Duckface GMA
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    NEVER go for the off-brand Poligrip.

  23. Kourtney Kardashian Scott Disick Fur Shawl Designer Jeans
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    The “pistol grip” GI Joe pose on a “Ken doll” inaction figure.

  24. Sharni Vinson Skinny Bikini
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    This is how I wish my “deserted island” dreams went. Okay, that *and* a stocked buffet table.

  25. Cate Blanchett Bugeyed New York Film Critics Awards
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    There was a brief panic before Cate was reassured that Twinkies are now back on store shelves.

  26. Johnny Depp Moustache Mortdecai Set
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Johnny Depp attempts the vulcan nerve pinch on Whoopi.

  27. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, that was a shitload of Aubrey O’Day’s pics.

    Not complaining – just stating.

  28. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Ronaldo
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice. Good to bang hard.

  29. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    P. Kerr
    Commented on this photo:

    Impressive queef.

  30. Sylvester Stallone Robert De Niro Derpfaces Grudge Match Presentation Rome
    Ice-T
    Commented on this photo:

    Two legends in that pic.

  31. Rob Ford Yellow Teeth Press Conference
    Dick Fingers
    Commented on this photo:

    Insult him all you want. He is still keeping his promises and saving Torontonian’s money.

  32. Stephen Baldwin Duckface Blue Steel The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    seat filler
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow I did not think that Chris Parnell would catch on as a look

  33. Sylvester Stallone Robert De Niro Derpfaces Grudge Match Presentation Rome
    malaka
    Commented on this photo:

    is this the weigh in for punch drunk vs senile?

  34. Lena Dunham Yellow Teeth Allison Williams Girls Season 3 Premiere
    Helena Handbasket
    Commented on this photo:

    You know those operations where they separate conjoined twins?

    And only one of those twins looks normal, while the other one winds up with the short end of the genetic stick … looking a little wonky and wobbly, just not quite right?

    I think you know where I’m going with this …

  35. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoever started making minor photoshop apps for phones a)is making a fortune off these morons and b)has made them bold.

  36. Will.i.am Goofy Clothes Drumsticks
    Commented on this photo:

    Not a fan, but if he’s about to eskrima the shit out of Madonna there I’m on board.

  37. Victoria Silvstedt Bikini Sinewy Leg Muscles
    Lola
    Commented on this photo:

    Ow and you all are fresh and beautifu all the time, same as your wifes and gfriends. Time does fly for everyone except you. How convenient.

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