The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 1.7.14

January 7th, 2014 // 399 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, where I’ll take great care not to write anything too offensive, because some of you out there may have personally experienced the tragedies in today’s gallery. Tragedies like paying for your favorite prostitute only to have this old lady show up instead, or being psychologically coerced into a hotel suite shower by Matthew McConaughey. We can all relate to that one. I’d usually say something like this black deputy would probably rather have an entire conversation with white people about The Wire than escort an entitled, rich actor from a five-star restaurant, but somebody out there probably liked Gangster Squad, so I don’t want to step on any toes.

The Superficial: Your Security Blanket Since 1973,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Beth Chapman Huge Fat Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t even know she had a face.

  2. Lena Dunham Yellow Teeth Allison Williams Girls Season 3 Premiere
    JW
    Commented on this photo:

    So Lena Dunham is playing the Ursula the Sea Witch and Allison Williams is Ariel? OK, I’ll buy that…

  3. Luke Wilson Scruffy Beard
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing says “Career going just fine!” quite like a beard and sweat clothing.

  4. Victoria Silvstedt Bikini Sinewy Leg Muscles
    George P. Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    Ripping of a downwind silent-but-deadly fart.

  5. Julianne Moore Butt Bikini Bottom Wetsuit Top Pale Skin
    Commented on this photo:

    I fucking love this sexy 50 year old woman. Stay sexy.

  6. Juan Pablo Galavis Cameron Diaz Duckface GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the problem with botox – it wears off at the worst possible times.

  7. Kourtney Kardashian Scott Disick Fur Shawl Designer Jeans
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    The animal that he killed for that vest had a higher IQ than these two combined.

    • I count at least 11 animals, and chances are it’s probably more than double that.

      And every one of them still had a higher IQ than the two of them combined.

  8. Alice Eve Cold Comes The Night Screening
    George P. Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    It appears the night isn’t sold cold after all. Someone send that girl back to the Jennifer Aniston school of acting.

  9. Jackie Chan Hong Kong Charity Event
    jorge
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck are robster craws?

  10. Cate Blanchett Bugeyed New York Film Critics Awards
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Mirror, mirror, on the wall….

  11. Juan Pablo Galavis Cameron Diaz Duckface GMA
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    I know makeup and lighting can covered up a lot of things but DAMN!

  12. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow. She looks amazing. It’s incredible how far she’s come.

  13. Stephen Baldwin Duckface Blue Steel The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    He must be the one that goes Herc! Herc!

  14. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Hell yeah. That’s a great ass.

  15. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Those tits would make great pillows.

  16. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    jorge
    Commented on this photo:

    kaley cuoco’s slightly less butterface sister?

  17. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    suz
    Commented on this photo:

    ALIEN!

  18. Kourtney Kardashian Scott Disick Fur Shawl Designer Jeans
    George P. Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    And his royal highness the king of the douchebags and his royal meal-ticket Famewhore the elder.

  19. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Peace indeed. Keep up the good wok, beautiful lady.

  20. Cate Blanchett Bugeyed New York Film Critics Awards
    George P. Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    At his first prostate exam

  21. Sharni Vinson Skinny Bikini
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    What pervert would put a bikini on drifwood?

  22. Victoria Silvstedt Bikini Sinewy Leg Muscles
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh yeah, that’s it babe, suck in that gut and show us your lipo.

  23. Johnny Depp Moustache Mortdecai Set
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    “Smell that pussy, dude. Best one I had in years.”

  24. Juan Pablo Galavis Cameron Diaz Duckface GMA
    bdog821
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wait till they get a load of ME!”

  25. Johnny Depp Moustache Mortdecai Set
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    Smell my finger. Does it still smell like kraken?

  26. Will.i.am Goofy Clothes Drumsticks
    blerg
    Commented on this photo:

    Flagging Jon Hamm’s penis in for a landing.

  27. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Jade
    Commented on this photo:

    What happened to her face? It looks about 50.

  28. Jennifer Nicole Lee Butt Bikini Holding Football
    Mista Snazzy
    Commented on this photo:

    Yummy!!!

  29. Kellan Lutz Leather Gloves The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.”

  30. Rob Ford Yellow Teeth Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    And to think that this guy is the lesser or the evils for Toronto politicians…according to the constituents.

  31. Will.i.am Goofy Clothes Drumsticks
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Pretty much the only way he can get wood around a woman.

  32. Kelli Garner Bikini Butt Grabbed By Boyfriend Johnny Galecki
    Commented on this photo:

    That moon’s gravitational pull is strong enough to capture three nerds.

  33. Ashley Benson Bra Cleavage Pointing Gun Fingers Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she wants me to us her to shoot hoops with my pants down. Unfortunately for her, I always drill the backboard.

  34. Will.i.am Goofy Clothes Drumsticks
    alex
    Commented on this photo:

    This guy has a bigger ego than Kanye

  35. Matthew McConaughey Gisele Bundchen Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Haaaaaaay!”

  36. Jackie Chan Hong Kong Charity Event
    Commented on this photo:

    “I swear I can juggle all three of them!”

  37. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah officer… it’s Theron. One “r”. And sorry about the mess…”

  38. Stephen Baldwin Duckface Blue Steel The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Brown is such a slimming color.

  39. Kelli Garner Bikini Butt Grabbed By Boyfriend Johnny Galecki
    Commented on this photo:

    “As an example of a make-shift Van de Graaff generator… the static electricity generated by the friction of my hand here causes a charge imbalance, thereby forcing electrons in her hair to build up, and then THAT happens!”

  40. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    STOP DOING THAT

  41. Sylvester Stallone Robert De Niro Derpfaces Grudge Match Presentation Rome
    Commented on this photo:

    “Shit Silvester, I musta hit you pretty freakin’ hard!”

  42. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    Better – you can’t see her face

  43. Lena Dunham Yellow Teeth Allison Williams Girls Season 3 Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t much care for yours

  44. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
    Mike Walker
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t tell if she’s sitting or standing.

  45. Kellan Lutz Leather Gloves The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    If Kellan Lutz opens the door of his SUV looking like that, and the back seats are covered in a waterproof tarp… run.

  46. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
    Commented on this photo:

    Steven Tyler in the background.

  47. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Surfboard Instagram
    Robb7
    Commented on this photo:

    Strong…nice!

  48. Rob Ford Yellow Teeth Press Conference
    Commented on this photo:

    You can get a good look at crack by sticking your head up a Kardashian’s ass but I’d rather take a drug dealers word for it.

  49. Luke Wilson Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing says your career has sputtered out more than living in a pay-by-the-week motel room.

  50. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Surfboard Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Now _that’s_ a wave I’d ride

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