The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 1.7.14

January 7th, 2014 // 399 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, where I’ll take great care not to write anything too offensive, because some of you out there may have personally experienced the tragedies in today’s gallery. Tragedies like paying for your favorite prostitute only to have this old lady show up instead, or being psychologically coerced into a hotel suite shower by Matthew McConaughey. We can all relate to that one. I’d usually say something like this black deputy would probably rather have an entire conversation with white people about The Wire than escort an entitled, rich actor from a five-star restaurant, but somebody out there probably liked Gangster Squad, so I don’t want to step on any toes.

The Superficial: Your Security Blanket Since 1973,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Jackie Chan Hong Kong Charity Event
    Commented on this photo:

    Cupping asian boobs requires a slightly modified technique.

  2. Victoria Silvstedt Bikini Sinewy Leg Muscles
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    I hope the price of that is falling.

  3. Ashley Benson Bra Cleavage Pointing Gun Fingers Instagram
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    Two cannons and a revolver. I’ll take the cannons.

  4. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
    Commented on this photo:

    So THAT’S what he did with the man-servant he picked up in Haiti.

  5. Ashley Benson Bra Cleavage Pointing Gun Fingers Instagram
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    FREEZE! I have an awesome cleavage and I’m not afraid to use it!

  6. Sylvester Stallone Robert De Niro Derpfaces Grudge Match Presentation Rome
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sly, seriously?”
    “Bobby, don’t let the roids fool ya. I fart as much as you”

  7. Kourtney Kardashian Scott Disick Fur Shawl Designer Jeans
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    I heard his parents are as dead as those coyotes he’s wearing.

  8. Matthew McConaughey Gisele Bundchen Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
    GoPats33
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t find Jizzelle attractive at all.

    • Maybe you would if you spelled her name correctly. I know scrolling up a few inches to double check is an incredible chore, but why not give it a try one day…

      • Jenn

        I’m almost positive the spelling of her name is a joke about sperm(jizz). Even if it wasn’t, I laughed because I thought it was.

  9. Jackie Chan Hong Kong Charity Event
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    He’s starting to get that wiry Steven Segal hair. Not good.

  10. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Surfboard Instagram
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    Dat ass

  11. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
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    How is he both in the foreground AND the background??? Blowing my mind Lokes!!

  12. Alice Eve Cold Comes The Night Screening
    Commented on this photo:

    Please please let this be a porno with her in it.

  13. Matthew McConaughey Gisele Bundchen Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    Jimmy: Can you believe this brod?! She just waltzes in here drunk. Doesn’t even take off her clothes…

  14. Johnny Depp Moustache Mortdecai Set
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    “Excuse me, my good man. Can I buy that wonderful animal headdress off your head?”

  15. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
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    Nice to see Bulimia allowed her to keep the boobs.

  16. Aubrey ODay Cleavage Butt Bikini Instagram
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    In the animal kingdom that’s called presenting

  17. Ashley Benson Bra Cleavage Pointing Gun Fingers Instagram
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    Risk it. With those eyes, there’s no fucking way she shoots you.

  18. Ashley Benson Bra Cleavage Pointing Gun Fingers Instagram
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    She’s really cute and has a great set.

  19. Kellan Lutz Leather Gloves The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
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    That’s a very fine Chardonnay you’re not drinking.

  20. Juan Pablo Galavis Cameron Diaz Duckface GMA
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    That face and a giant hairy bush? Sign me the fuck up, gents.

  21. Ashley Benson Bra Cleavage Pointing Gun Fingers Instagram
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    I’m ready to shoot too, girl.

  22. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Surfboard Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Moar liek Anastasia ASSley, amirite?

  23. Ashley Benson Bra Cleavage Pointing Gun Fingers Instagram
    Jake
    Commented on this photo:

    Excuse me while I masturbate.

  24. Stephen Baldwin Duckface Blue Steel The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus loves him. The rest of us think he’s a dick.

  25. Kellan Lutz Leather Gloves The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s gonna reboot the Hitman film too? Wonderful.

  26. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
    Mohawk Disco
    Commented on this photo:

    - Sorry, Mr. Penn. The restaurant has clear rules about having sex with waitresses on top of the table. I know she said she’s dessert… No, I’m NOTJamie Foxx…

  27. Kourtney Kardashian Scott Disick Fur Shawl Designer Jeans
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    Poor bastard. Has to screw a Kartrashian and wear Kanye’s bullshit clothes.

  28. Matthew McConaughey Gisele Bundchen Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
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    Didn’t recognize her without a baby sucking on her tit.

  29. Lena Dunham Yellow Teeth Allison Williams Girls Season 3 Premiere
    hahahano
    Commented on this photo:

    nice chin

  30. Ashley Benson Bra Cleavage Pointing Gun Fingers Instagram
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    “Stop staring at my fake tits, or I’ll shoot you with my fake gun!”

  31. Kelli Garner Bikini Butt Grabbed By Boyfriend Johnny Galecki
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    Looks like somebody’s getting ready for a “big bang!”

  32. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
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    Judging by the way that old lady is looking at Sean I expect his hollowed out corpse was found in his bathtub this morning.

  33. Sean Penn Leaving Restaurant With Police Escort
    Mr. Hand
    Commented on this photo:

    You dick.

  34. Jackie Chan Hong Kong Charity Event
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    Asian girls: “Tee hee hee! We can’t understand you over here either!”

  35. Stephen Baldwin Duckface Blue Steel The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
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    “YES! I’m finally the “stable” Balwin!”

  36. Sylvester Stallone Robert De Niro Derpfaces Grudge Match Presentation Rome
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    When was the last time two white guys fought each other in a major heavyweight boxing match? 1950? I’m starting to think movies are unrealistic.

  37. Kelli Garner Bikini Butt Grabbed By Boyfriend Johnny Galecki
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude does pull some quality tail.

    • Mohawk Disco

      He must have the charm and guile of a snake oil salesman running for office. He’s uglier than me – and that’s saying something – yet even before his BBT days he was already a chick magnet.

    • Kaley Cuckoo and this chick are quality tail? And let’s face it, Kaley only banged him long enough to make sure she was a permanent fixture on the show. She would have banged Jim Parsons if she could have, but he is gay.

      • To be fair, Kaley Cuckoo could’ve was considered quality tail back in her “8 simple Rules” and “Charmed” days. Now? Not so much.

      • http://www.superiorpics.com/pictures2/6215_garner83574.jpg

        Don’t know about Cuckoo, but that Garner chick is DEFINITELY quality tail.

      • MT

        Kelli Garner has one of the nicest “natural” racks in Hollywood,
        with the exception of Susan Sarandon’s daughter Eva from Californication.
        nummmm…….

      • Joe Namath

        “make sure she was a permanent fixture on the show”

        Well, considering the role of Penny was written SPECIFICALLY with Cuoco in mind, I don’t think she had to worry about that. She was a series regular from the very beginning.

      • They switch out characters all the time. They took out the one daughter after the first season of Last Man Standing, put in a new one and rearranged everything. Jim Parsons is about 80% of that whole show, just like Neil Patrick Harris is about 80% of How I Met your Mother. She is replaceable, even today.

      • No Name

        Again, Cuoco was the sole inspiration for the character Penny. Her spot on the show was as secure as it gets. One of my college buddies has been an AD on that show since season 1. The writers used her personally as inspiration when creating that character. I’m not defending Cuoco (truth is, can’t stand her), I’m just saying that the idea that she had to somehow “secure her role on the show” by dating Johnny G. is asinine. And besides, at that point, they were all in the same boat, hoping for more season pick ups and decent ratings. They dated in season 2.

      • No Name

        Oh, and I have to really disagree with you on Cuoco being replaceable. Given how strong of an ensemble cast BBT is, NO current ORIGINAL cast member could be replaced without incident. Yes, Jim is probably the most prominent figure on the show, BUT they are an ensemble and I guarantee you if any of the original main 5 were replaced, the show’s quality and ratings would decrease. Another example is Friends. None of them were replaceable. Especially by season 7 (BBTs current season). Perhaps you dont know much about how Network TV actually works.

  38. Jackie Chan Hong Kong Charity Event
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    This is every booth at CES.

  39. Jude Law Pissed Off Look On Face Noel Coward Theatre
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    The end scene from “Bridget Jones’ Diary,” if the character of Mark Darcy was a psychopathic killer.

  40. Stephen Baldwin Duckface Blue Steel The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    What was he doing there? Parking cars?

  41. Sylvester Stallone Robert De Niro Derpfaces Grudge Match Presentation Rome
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can still get you a part in ‘Expendables 4,’ if you’re interested. You can do that ‘You talking’ to me?’ thing.”
    “Stop talkin’ to me.”
    “That’s not how it goes.”

  42. Lena Dunham Yellow Teeth Allison Williams Girls Season 3 Premiere
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    Tired of Allison upstaging her, Lena decided to eat her.

  43. Luke Wilson Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a banana under your newspaper? Or are you just glad to see me?

  44. Kourtney Kardashian Scott Disick Fur Shawl Designer Jeans
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck is that shithead wearing? Look closely at those pants? And what is that fucking jacket? Sweet Jeebus, why is there never a sniper around when you really need one?

  45. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Surfboard Instagram
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    Nice ass. Love that surfer’s body.

  46. Stephen Baldwin Duckface Blue Steel The Legend Of Hercules Premiere
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    The saddest part about being one of Alec’s brothers is that when 30 Rock cast the brother of Alec’s character, the hired Nathan Lane.

  47. Juan Pablo Galavis Cameron Diaz Duckface GMA
    Commented on this photo:

    FINALLY! A decent Hollywood face-lift!

  48. Taylor Swift Legs Short Shorts Dance Studio
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    The only woman to walk into a Victoria’s Secret and go straight to the shirt department.

  49. Cate Blanchett Bugeyed New York Film Critics Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    “Welcome, Frodo of the Shire — one who has seen THE EYE!”

  50. Jude Law Pissed Off Look On Face Noel Coward Theatre
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he up for the title role in The Alec Baldwin Story?

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