The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 1.29.13

January 29th, 2013 // 388 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed brought to you not only by Kate Upton‘s, but also Kelly Brook‘s considerable uh, talents. They want you to buy things and you should, because their breasts asked nicely. And as if to completely negate those two perfect, bulging examples of capitalism in its finest moment, we’ve also got Brandi Glanville at her book signing. She titled it ‘Drinking & Tweeting and other Brandi Blunders’ so, you know what? Instead of continuing here, I’m just going to gaze at my state school diploma for a while and sob for humanity.

“Yes Dad, my advisor said there’s tons of career options for Communications majors.” *hangs up phone, heads to happy hour for 50 cent beers* - Photo Boy, circa 2001

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Jaden Smith Gang Signs Bandana Balcony
    Commented on this photo:

    (shaking uncontrollably)

    NO…..COMMENT

  2. Edita Vilkeviciute Bikini Victorias Secret
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t pronounce her last name. But then again, why would I need to?

  3. Kim Kardashian Yoga Pants Shirt Tied Around Waist
    Commented on this photo:

    (I hate you, I hate you, I hate you)

  4. Prince Charles Circle Sports Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    Bitch, be trippin’. I’m royalty. You better recognize. I never pay for shit.”

  5. Larry King Hugging Arsenio Hall Tongue Out NATPE
    Hank E. Ring
    Commented on this photo:

    Old & Busted

  6. David Beckham Grabbing Butt Adidas Commercial
    Commented on this photo:

    The result of Victoria’s strap on.

  7. Jeremy Renner Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Premiere Sydney
    Chuck Norris
    Commented on this photo:

    Gay midget.

  8. Larry King Hugging Arsenio Hall Tongue Out NATPE
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    One of these men just had his best bowel movement in years.

    The other just gave his best rimjob in years.

  9. Bill Gates Headphones German Development Ministry
    Hank E. Ring
    Commented on this photo:

    Whenever I see him, my mind unfortunately flashes back to him trying to lay down a sexy pose on his desk.

  10. Courtney Stodden Tight Shirt Twitter
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Mirror, mirror, on the whore….

  11. Philip Seymour Hoffman
    Commented on this photo:

    “My wife has a cock in her ass in the drive way, all right? I’m sorry if my thoughts are not on the photography of the film we’re shooting tomorrow. “

    • First: William H. Macy delivers this line, not PSH. PSH played the closet case.
      Second: Macy actually says: “My fucking wife has an ass in her cock…” Apparently, it was accidental but they liked it enough to keep it in there.

    • Deacon Jones

      Yeah, I flipped that on purpose because I figured it was a vague enough line as it is considering it was 15 years ago (yikes)

  12. Jaden Smith Gang Signs Bandana Balcony
    Hank E. Ring
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m an inner city thug, no wait, my dad is a multi millionaire.

  13. Jeremy Renner Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Premiere Sydney
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Under all that makeup is a guy who couldn’t get a part in a Pizza Hut commericial.

  14. Bill Gates Headphones German Development Ministry
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Yep, tapped that.

  15. Brandi Glanville Cleavage Holding Drinking And Tweeting Book
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does book burning just have to be for Nazi Germany?

  16. Edita Vilkeviciute Bikini Victorias Secret
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me, or are their names getting more an more exotic? Have we run out of “hometown hotties”?

    Have we drilled all the oil, and are now reduced to mining coal sands?

  17. Dita Von Teese Mischa Barton Lambertz Monday Night
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Everything not in the immediate foreground of this picture is a meth-inducted hallucination.

  18. Michael Imperioli Long Hair Scarf Retreat Screening 28th Santa Barbara International Film Festival
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Quantum Leap

  19. Anne Hathaway Legs Short Shorts Giant Hat
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Every night, her husband has to tell her that she looks just fine with her new elf haircut and vampire skin.

  20. Anne Hathaway Legs Short Shorts Giant Hat
    alex
    Commented on this photo:

    Her hat screams, “Don’t LOOK at me!”

    Her ‘dress’ screams, “LOOK at me!”

  21. Rita Ora Cleavage
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Biggies Stardust

  22. Courtney Stodden Tight Shirt Twitter
    what the huh?
    Commented on this photo:

    she says they are real so i wanna know where she buys her bras at cause mine are real and they dont look like that!

  23. Michael Rosenbaum Dickprint Sweatpants
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    No, stuffing your hands waaayy into your pockets does not make you look like John Hamm. Sorry.

  24. Michael Imperioli Long Hair Scarf Retreat Screening 28th Santa Barbara International Film Festival
    Pat
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this about the Easter Baskets?

  25. Larry King Hugging Arsenio Hall Tongue Out NATPE
    BP
    Commented on this photo:

    Are they simulating some kind of blow job………

  26. Bill Gates Headphones German Development Ministry
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    “I could buy your whole fucking country.”

  27. Larry King Hugging Arsenio Hall Tongue Out NATPE
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope these two get a show together – then I can save twice as much time not watching it.

  28. Prince Charles Circle Sports Visit
    TimmyB
    Commented on this photo:

    “Luv just grabbed me arse – right thru me knickers!”

  29. Jaden Smith Gang Signs Bandana Balcony
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    In every picture of a spoiled, worthless, self-important twat singing to himself, there’s a shadow with a ball cap on ready to bust a cap.

  30. Kelly Brook Flight Attendant Sky Ad
    Commented on this photo:

    If I were the pilot, I’d crash that fucker on the nearest deserted island and kill every passenger but her with my bare hands.
    Then I’d live out the remainder of my life sad and alone on my side of the island, living in constant fear of her hunting me down and beating the bejeezus out of me.

  31. Jaden Smith Gang Signs Bandana Balcony
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey nigga, who you callin’ “Antoine Dodson” ?

  32. Michael Imperioli Long Hair Scarf Retreat Screening 28th Santa Barbara International Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Can your hair pour you a shot? Mine can.

  33. Jeremy Renner Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Premiere Sydney
    Commented on this photo:

    Promo still from “Fun House Mirror Nightmares.”

  34. Courtney Stodden Tight Shirt Twitter
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Congrats, Courtney! You now have the figure of a Barbie doll. Unfortunately, you also have Barbie’s plastic face and breasts. Again, congrats.

  35. Michael Rosenbaum Dickprint Sweatpants
    Commented on this photo:

    Thumb dick.

  36. Jaden Smith Gang Signs Bandana Balcony
    Commented on this photo:

    And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I am a spoiled, talentless kiiiiiiiiid.

  37. Katharine McPhee O Face Jack Davenport Smash Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Michael Bay’s got a new movie in casting? I had no idea.

  38. Dita Von Teese Mischa Barton Lambertz Monday Night
    Commented on this photo:

    Do either of these two serve any function anymore, other than for us to laugh at them?

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      I’ll use a really broad definition of function and give Barton a pass for what was it… the OC? I dunno, one of those shows on fox or the wb.

      but von teese? did she ever serve a function other than being a grinding partner for marilyn manson’s asexual genitals? *shudder*

      • Dita is a model and has her own line of lingerie with Wonderbra. She has her own line of makeup and her own clothing line. And she’s fucking sexy.

      • Trek Girl

        Exactly, she has a lot of great products and lines, and she does shows. I understand not knowing what she does, but I do not understand why people think she does nothing. That makes no sense to me, especially when pictures of her lingerie line were on this site.

  39. Sharon Osbourne Crazy Eyes
    Commented on this photo:

    What, New Orleans wasn’t skeevy enough already?

  40. Prince Charles Circle Sports Visit
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “I beg your pardon, kind shop-keep, but I have an inquiry. Does the fetching woman to my right come in a size ‘Me?’”

  41. Anne Hathaway Legs Short Shorts Giant Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    That outfit can mean only one thing – Anne has a thing for looking at the reflection of her vagina in her shiny boots.

  42. Michael Imperioli Long Hair Scarf Retreat Screening 28th Santa Barbara International Film Festival
    Bewbs
    Commented on this photo:

    Steve Carrell

  43. Jaden Smith Gang Signs Bandana Balcony
    Commented on this photo:

    SKY BULLIES – ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!

  44. Simon Cowell Holding Cocaine Vial
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    If you click “Zoom” that little vial has a warning that says “May cause chin and gut enlargement!”

  45. Jeremy Renner Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Premiere Sydney
    B&WMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    That hairline means one of two things. Either he has a hormone problem or he’s a monkey.

  46. Prince Charles Circle Sports Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s Grommit?

  47. Katharine McPhee O Face Jack Davenport Smash Set
    Commented on this photo:

    that pos is still on tv?

  48. Angela Bassett GMA
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wha’chu talkin’ ’bout, Ann Curry?”

  49. Edita Vilkeviciute Bikini Victorias Secret
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, that look on her face says she just might be profoundly retarded enough for me to have a shot!

  50. Brandi Glanville Cleavage Holding Drinking And Tweeting Book
    B&WMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘Hoes before Prose’ as they say in Publishing.

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