Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed which seems a little light, but not when you consider the still rising paparazzi death toll from Alexander Skarsgard unleashing the Kraken. They found one poor bastard with shards of lens jutting from his aorta. Fortunately, the survivors, though forever marred with a penis-shaped burn across their faces, were able to bring us Jaimie Alexander who should have deleted that six weeks she worked for Merry Maids from her resume, Peter Stormare just wishing Richard Greico would say some shit, and finally, which of these two is more likely to blow you for half a bottle of Robitussin: Charlie Sheen or Bam Margera?
Trick question! The answer is Tom Cruise and actually, you can just keep the cough syrup,
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Jonah Hill in 10 years
You mean gay in ten years or really fat?
Gay and really fat, hello!
Gay and really fat, you fucking idiot
Ma’am, let me help you with your coke bag.
Yeah, you don’t need to prove you have no money in your pockets. We believe you.
Nice, now let’s get those pants off of you…
I’m totally making a jacket that says POOR on the back.
Hickory dickory dock
I jerked off in my sock
My sock turned blue
I’m standing in goo
And my prostate’s playing hell with my cock
She must have read that Cosmo article: “Baggy Sweats and a T-shirt: They Keys To Turning Men On.”
You can still smell his feet at the security check.
Great Andrew Dice Clay impersonation.
Actually, this is CHARLIE - fucking – SHEEN you’re lookin’ at. Andrew Dice Clay impersonates HIM!
Not the best Charlie Sheen impression.
Boy, this picture just screams “Herpes!”
You thought you could hide from us by having a sex change. But you’re not fooling anyone, Farley.
How did she know standing doggy was my favourite position? Must’ve finally gotten my e-mails.
I’m good for Rolex watches, but thanks street urchin!
No, not complex. Just a simple case of “dumb bitch.”
I thought it was Kardashian, then I remember her ass is WAY bigger.
$20? Good lord, that’s a lotta money! How ’bout I give ya .25 cents and ya wring out the dirty bar rag in my mouth?
I knew Angelica Houston wore glasses.
Nice wig, Leonard Nimoy.
…AND I STILL CAN’T SEE IT
“Can I call you Consuela?”
Man, Nick Cage looks like shit!
That is an improvement for Nick Cage.
I like how that dude covers his face with the backpack because he doesn’t even want to appear randomly in the background of a picture of ADC.
I guess the “whore” jacket was sold out.
If she spent as much time dressing as she has bleaching she wouldn’t look so bad.
Of course she’s shooting a scene…..like she would be working out.
One hand smells like nicotine, the other smells like pornstar.
There’s a difference?
Hello! McFly! Anyone home?
Pregnant and still sexier than 99% of women.
I bet she’s wondering why Chris Brown only wants anal.
Just heard her on Alison Rosen’s podcast!
face shaped like pizza slice
Coincidentally, ’88 was the last year he was relevant.
Whoa there lady. Tell me about your house staff first.
“I’ll take faces of meth for $1000, Alex.”
i feel sorry for the rookie pap that got stuck following andrew dice clay all around.
I’m not drunk.
tyra banks called.
tyra banks wants her tyra banks forehead back.
Tyra also wants her old body back.
Her last name sums her up perfectly. It’s all good.
nice boots, asshole
Really need to shave off that boobs mustache, Ri Ri.
I’ve seen porn movies that start like this.
He looks like that creepy uncle the family keeps girls away from at family reunions.
No that stupid tattoo still doesn’t look good from that angle.
Okay, let’s go! Category: Worthless Celebrities. ‘Cheek’? ‘Cheeky’? No, two hands—‘Cheeks’? Yes, ‘Cheeks’ … ‘Butt Cheeks’ … ‘Ass’? Yes! ‘Ass’! Now, sad eyes … ‘crying’? ‘crying cheeks’? ‘Crying ass’? Cold … no … ‘ass that makes you cry’? Warm? Yes? Worthless celebrity with an ass that makes you cry? Kim Kardashian? YES!
WINNER!
There is nothing I can say this picture doesn’t say better.
“I want to be sedated”
Well, that’s one way to cover up a herpes sore.
He’s just been celebrating becoming a grandfather… for the past 30 years.
I hope for her sake she asked Chris before she took his shoes.