The Crap We Missed – Thursday 9.3.15

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, a surprisingly large gallery considering we’re heading into a holiday weekend, but Ben Affleck’s bitch tits were spotted, and those things are like magnets for celebrity fuckery. That’s why we were also lucky enough to get Hugh Jackman’s dick, Tyga, who no longer pumps his own gas, and Nicole Kidman’s hand which is either dying or accidentally touched a doorknob Lindsay Lohan turned five years ago. We told Chateau Marmont those things all had to be smelted down and forged into the only sword capable of killing Chlamydthra, but they were all, “Overhead costs, margins, blah, blah.” Well congratulations, hipsters, Nicole Kidman’s hand is now patient zero.

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Instagram