The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.4.11

August 4th, 2011 // 656 Comments

“Waitaminnit… How long have you been Sam Merlotte?”

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m going to be entirely frank with you: Absolutely nothing will live up to David Hasselhoff yelling at a parrot. I know I should’ve put it at the end, but I wanted each of you to experience a day in my shoes. A day of seeing something perfect and beautiful, and then being forced to look through a bunch of way less awesome shit that not even such old stalwarts as Blake Lively, midgets or almost entirely pointless bikinis will comfort you. (Although Lorenzo Lamas gave it his best.)

This is my story,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Cockatoo: “Hey David, I’ve watched that YouTube video of your drunk ass eating a hamburger off the floor like a million times… fucking HILARIOUS!”
    Hasselhoff: “AWK!

  2. Kellan Lutz Playground Workout
    Chris
    Commented on this photo:

    What is the weird Hollywood deal with working out on playgrounds?

  3. Emma Stone
    Sweaty McGee
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s a whole lot of delicious.

    • cc

      Isn’t she just? One of the few hollywood types where I actually think, ‘Gee, she’d probably be a fun person to date.’

  4. Lorenzo Lamas
    Commented on this photo:

    Again with that specific sense of fashion that old guys get when they try to look young but end up just looking older. Is there a name for that?

  5. Pete Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    On anyone else that hat would be ridiculous…but for some reason it seems to fit perfectly here.

  6. William H. Macy
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t make me pull my gun! shit…where’s my gun?

  7. Helen Hunt Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I thinks it’s mainly posture that set’s apart the genuinely beautiful Hollywood types from us common folk.

  8. Tamara Ecclestone Bikini
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Did someone airbrush her nipples out like they used to do in old nudist magazines? (dudeatdude, you’re kinda old, you must know what I’m talking about.)

  9. Pete Burns
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    That hat makes him look ridiculous

  10. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    JesusCan'tHitACurveball
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ah portajohn blumkin an’cha won’t evun hold ma hand? Fuck you.”

  11. Pete Burns
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    KIM KARDASHIAN 2016

  12. Geri Halliwell
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll tell ya’ what I want, what I really really want. Coullates.

  13. Haley Joel Osment
    Chris
    Commented on this photo:

    His face has gotten smaller while his head has gotten bigger.

  14. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
    Commented on this photo:

    Seconds later he was swallowed whole by the worlds largest cheetah.

  15. Verne Troyer
    Commented on this photo:

    he might be the coolest little dude in the world, but you KNOW if you woke up and found him staring at you from the end of your bed you’d be traumatized for life.

    • Fester

      Even worse, hearing your wife screaming in ecstacy as you walk through the front door and then catching her in bed with Verne. Man, I hate when that happens.

  16. Verne Troyer
    Commented on this photo:

    It has to suck knowing your biggest accomplishments are the guy who got kicked around like a football by Mike Myers and that nobody will unsee your freaky deeky sex tape.

  17. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
    Commented on this photo:

    Seconds later he was swallowed whole by the world’s largest cheetah.

  18. William H. Macy
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    You think Toilet Brush. He thinks Fabio. And that’s why it only takes men ten minutes to get dressed.

  19. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    JesusCan'tHitACurveball
    Commented on this photo:

    “Fuck you bird! My CAR could talk. That shit don’t impress me.”

  20. Ben Affleck
    Chris
    Commented on this photo:

    MATT DAMON

  21. Paula Labaredas Minidress
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Like I said the other day, she’ll show up for the opening of a post office…

  22. Verne Troyer
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    “What a fine figure of a man” – Amy Winehouse’s dad

  23. Jaime Kine
    Commented on this photo:

    That woman has a carnivorous look.

  24. Lorenzo Lamas
    Commented on this photo:

    times must be tough…hanging out at the $2 cinema that’s still showing Iron Man 2.

  25. William H. Macy
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s right – Planet of the Apes is opening….

  26. Blake Lively
    JesusCan'tHitACurveball
    Commented on this photo:

    Half industrial washing machine, half slut. Finally science has produced a cyborg worth a damn.

  27. Jason Segel
    Commented on this photo:

    …who I’ve seen naked.

  28. Simon Cowell Shirtless
    SimoneDeB
    Commented on this photo:

    “Do I really have to wait three days to call? Hmmm, maybe I could just text him.”

  29. Verne Troyer
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Who shrunk Mr. Clean?

  30. Sheryl Crow Clyde The Sea Lion Sea World
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Sea Lion: “Pssst! Check out the man-flippers on this chick!”

  31. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    Dr. Hufurrrrr
    Commented on this photo:

    In the battle of wits, the bird has obviously won…much to the Hoff’s displeasure.

  32. Guy Ritchie
    Chris
    Commented on this photo:

    That picture is funnier to me when I imagine that hand belongs to someone else.

  33. Natasha Henstridge Darius Campbell
    SimoneDeB
    Commented on this photo:

    Those shoes went out of style around the same year she did

  34. Hilary Duff
    Commented on this photo:

    She has fat elbows…get to the gym fatty!

  35. Eli Roth
    Becky
    Commented on this photo:

    The Bear Jew on his day off

  36. Heather Locklear
    LJ
    Commented on this photo:

    …Benefit “Pairing” Dinner… he, he.

  37. Pete Burns
    Lemmiwinks
    Commented on this photo:

    Cher is playing Hoss in a Bonanza remake? COOL!

  38. Pete Burns
    Fester
    Commented on this photo:

    I figured Octomom probably lived in a giant shoe, turns out it’s just a big fucking hat…

  39. William H. Macy
    Fester
    Commented on this photo:

    Bill is David Spade’s dad? Now we know.

  40. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    Alex
    Commented on this photo:

    Jason: “Quick, nobody’s looking!”
    Brit: “Y’anna do wut in that port-o-potty?”

  41. Tamara Ecclestone Bikini
    GuyLeDouche
    Commented on this photo:

    What was that? We’re in in Sardinia and you can smell sardines?

  42. Dakota Fanning Short Hair
    Liz
    Commented on this photo:

    Ellen DeGeneres Jr.

  43. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    BlackAndWhiteMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    Come and see the Friends of Long Island Al-Anon in “Doctor Who”. We need your support.

  44. Kelly Brook Short Shorts
    Artie Fatbuckle
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like she’s about to “launch” something else.

  45. Pete Burns
    Rough's thule
    Commented on this photo:

    Now this website is making me laugh without words. That’s genius.

  46. Sheryl Crow Clyde The Sea Lion Sea World
    JesusCan'tHitACurveball
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you sea-lion enough to be her man?

  47. Helen Hunt Bikini
    Fester
    Commented on this photo:

    Goo-goo ga-joob, Mrs. Robinson.

  48. Heather Locklear
    JesusCan'tHitACurveball
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks all squishy like a water snake toy. This is oddly working for me.

  49. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Becky
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks as excited as a prized thoroughbred at the track, just chomping at the bit.

  50. Kellan Lutz Playground Workout
    JesusCan'tHitACurveball
    Commented on this photo:

    Lulz @ Lutz

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