The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.4.11

August 4th, 2011 // 656 Comments

“Waitaminnit… How long have you been Sam Merlotte?”

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m going to be entirely frank with you: Absolutely nothing will live up to David Hasselhoff yelling at a parrot. I know I should’ve put it at the end, but I wanted each of you to experience a day in my shoes. A day of seeing something perfect and beautiful, and then being forced to look through a bunch of way less awesome shit that not even such old stalwarts as Blake Lively, midgets or almost entirely pointless bikinis will comfort you. (Although Lorenzo Lamas gave it his best.)

This is my story,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Alicia Silverstone Christopher Jarecki Bear Blu
    Commented on this photo:

    With a name like “Bear Blu” that poor bastard’s career options are limited to either barista or wind chime vendor at the local farmers market.

  2. Sheryl Crow Clyde The Sea Lion Sea World
    Commented on this photo:

    Once you’ve gone pinniped, you’ll never go back.

  3. Sheryl Crow Clyde The Sea Lion Sea World
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Chicks usually require a commitment before giving up the backdoor.

  4. Heather Locklear
    Commented on this photo:

    Penis not reacting. Something is either very wrong with me or her.

  5. Verne Troyer
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    What, no peace sign?

  6. Natasha Henstridge Darius Campbell
    Commented on this photo:

    Definition of asshole: A guy that wears a suit to a Coldplay concert.

  7. Chris Noth
    Commented on this photo:

    Sir, ALL douche bags must be checked by TSA before boarding.

  8. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got that “just got shagged in the Econo Head” look.

    He’s got that “I hope everyone just thinks I was taking a dump in there” look.

  9. Kellan Lutz Playground Workout
    Commented on this photo:

    With a name like Kellan, you can either get yoked or start wearing sundresses.

  10. William H. Macy
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Wm. Macy: Imaginary Watch Salesman.

  11. Pete Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Cher is so disgusting anymore.

  12. Haley Joel Osment
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “Adriannnnn!”

  13. Tamara Ecclestone Bikini
    stratacat
    Commented on this photo:

    This photo must be sent to scientists immediately. The laws of physics break down around her boobs.

  14. Paula Labaredas Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    How much for a “50/50″ for me, and a “round the world” for my friend here?

  15. Poppy Montgomery
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Yum… freckles.

  16. Geri Halliwell
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    What, no bikini?

  17. Dakota Fanning Short Hair
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s very precious, but in a “Lord of the Rings” kind of way.

  18. Chris Noth
    still hit it
    Commented on this photo:

    hey idiot, your going the wrong way

  19. Samuel L. Jackson
    Commented on this photo:

    “Does this look like motherfucking Pillsbury Doughboy’s hat to you?”

  20. Geri Halliwell
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Pokies!

  21. Verne Troyer
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s that ring in his ear for? So when they are done with him they can hang him up?

  22. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    Commented on this photo:

    Unfortunately for the bird, some jokester edited the Cockatoo wikipedia page and said they’re full of bourbon.

  23. Pete Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Gay Skeleton Cowboy has a secret.

  24. Lorenzo Lamas
    Commented on this photo:

    Go ahead, no backwash.

  25. Helen Hunt Bikini
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Aren’t the bikini top and bottom supposed to match?

  26. Kim Kardashian Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    Anyone else finding the cargo pants ironic?

  27. Poppy Montgomery
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice vagina.

  28. William H. Macy
    Commented on this photo:

    Fine, we get it Bill. You’re wearing a wire.

  29. William H. Macy
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m not at all sure William H. Macy knows that he is aging.

  30. Tamara Ecclestone Bikini
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Those are defying the laws of physics by not falling out.

  31. Alicia Silverstone Christopher Jarecki Bear Blu
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s not a real bear…that’s too small to be a real bear.

  32. Haley Joel Osment
    Commented on this photo:

    I see unemployed people.

  33. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    SSHGuru
    Commented on this photo:

    One of the only pictures of her in her natural habitat.

  34. Tamara Ecclestone Bikini
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    This week’s episode: Tami and the Mystery of the Missing Nipples!

  35. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    still hit it
    Commented on this photo:

    hey ..he thought they said “cocktail”….not cockatoo, maybe he’s trying to train it to fetch him a margarita

  36. Sheryl Crow Clyde The Sea Lion Sea World
    Commented on this photo:

    Even Clyde the Sea Lion closes his eyes when he shags Cheryl Crow, and pretends she’s someone else.

  37. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Brit-Brit has rubbed off on Jason; he’s dressing worse than she is now….

  38. Samuel L. Jackson
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Say, isn’t that a Chanel jacket he’s wearing?

    • cc

      Hahah, I was going to say something like that too. He looks like he stole those clothes from a wealthy old Jewish lady.

  39. Heather Locklear
    Commented on this photo:

    Her left boob is doing it for me, the right one not so much…the blob in plaid not at all.

  40. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    The Hoff is not yelling at a parrot…it’s one of those birds that clean the teeth of hippos.

  41. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Sweaty McGee
    Commented on this photo:

    “I wish they were THIS big!”

  42. Kim Kardashian Butt
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do…get the world’s biggest ass and then put flaps on it….

    • Cock Dr

      I tell you it is DELIBERATE.
      Super tight pants, dresses with peplum flounces at the hips, monster ass is the look she is activity promoting.
      Fucking crazy.

  43. Verne Troyer
    Commented on this photo:

    Why do I want to place him on the shoulder of a gigantic parrot?

  44. Coco Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Unfortunately, Coco was supposed to appear at the “So You Want To Be a Porn Star” reveal party.

  45. Sarah Jessica Parker
    Sweaty McGee
    Commented on this photo:

    “Does this Arthritis make my hands look funny?”

  46. Simon Cowell Shirtless
    dontlooknow
    Commented on this photo:

    He has tits just like Britney Spears!

  47. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    still hit it
    Commented on this photo:

    just like the ol’ outhouse back home…..

  48. Geri Halliwell
    gagh
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought that was Kirsten Dunst looking decent for a change.

  49. Paula Labaredas Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the sexiest alley I’ve ever seen. Bet it still smells like pee though.

  50. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    THE BIRD IS NOT A HAMBURGER!!!!

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