The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.4.11

August 4th, 2011 // 656 Comments

“Waitaminnit… How long have you been Sam Merlotte?”

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m going to be entirely frank with you: Absolutely nothing will live up to David Hasselhoff yelling at a parrot. I know I should’ve put it at the end, but I wanted each of you to experience a day in my shoes. A day of seeing something perfect and beautiful, and then being forced to look through a bunch of way less awesome shit that not even such old stalwarts as Blake Lively, midgets or almost entirely pointless bikinis will comfort you. (Although Lorenzo Lamas gave it his best.)

This is my story,

- The Superficial

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    Doll's Eyes
    Commented on this photo:

    I bought this shirt to be more like you. MORE LIKE YOU!

  2. smelly samuel

    Where’s the donut shop? You promised me donuts!

    • lydiav

      She’s disgusting and he’s ugly. They’re perfect for each other.I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username sammyshine2002 on–a’ge’l'ov’e'r.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!

  3. Blake Lively
    Let me help you with that..
    Commented on this photo:

    Looky Like a man

  4. Kellan Lutz Playground Workout
    dreamy
    Commented on this photo:

    stop

  5. Pete Burns
    ltleflwr
    Commented on this photo:

    What happened to Madonna??? Oh wait….

  6. Samuel L. Jackson
    Tanzarian
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoopi lost weight.

  7. Helen Hunt Bikini
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Montgomery Burns-alike.

  8. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn Jason, I may be crazy but I can I know one thang fur sure… You can’t say y’alls shit don’t stink no more.

  9. Sheryl Crow Clyde The Sea Lion Sea World
    crabby old guy
    Commented on this photo:

    Um, you’re gonna have to help me with this one. Which is which again?

  10. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    justuhbill
    Commented on this photo:

    GERMANS LOVE ME!

  11. Pete Burns
    ChickenHawk
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is it?!?

  12. Heather Locklear
    crabby old guy
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, we’re just as surprised as you are that anyone gives a rat’s ass about you.

  13. Haley Joel Osment
    ChickenHawk
    Commented on this photo:

    “I see dead careers…”

  14. Tamara Ecclestone Bikini
    crabby old guy
    Commented on this photo:

    I have no idea who she is, but I’m willing to review her brochure. Please leave a copy with the girl on your way out.

  15. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    DimeStoreRiot
    Commented on this photo:

    First, it was a CHEESEburger, and second, you weren’t even there! Stop hassling the Hoff!

  16. Samuel L. Jackson
    Commented on this photo:

    Say ‘hat’ again. Say ‘wat’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say hat one more Goddamn time!

  17. Jason Segel
    Tanzarian
    Commented on this photo:

    Phil Spector released from prison.

  18. Guy Ritchie
    ChickenHawk
    Commented on this photo:

    I had sex with Madonna? Holy shit!

  19. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    Commented on this photo:

    Where the f*ck is your boss Captain Morgan?

  20. Natasha Henstridge Darius Campbell
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking forward to the hot tub scene in 3…2…1…

  21. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    Marc
    Commented on this photo:

    Well she’s wearing shoes so we know she didn’t use the porta-potty.

  22. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
    Dinkle
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know Spectrum was still around.

  23. Lorenzo Lamas
    DimeStoreRiot
    Commented on this photo:

    You sure? It’s a latte…. it’s really good….

  24. Britney Spears Sombrero Sweats
    Commented on this photo:

    With the exception those same urine stained sweat pants, which give her away, it’s the perfect disguise.

  25. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    Marc
    Commented on this photo:

    The Hoff will eat a Cockatoo…or three or four…

  26. Samuel L. Jackson
    Commented on this photo:

    He went from Shaft to Aunt Jemima in the wink of an eye.

  27. Sheryl Crow Clyde The Sea Lion Sea World
    Commented on this photo:

    Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a sea lion gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.

  28. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    Commented on this photo:

    That bird is now legally drunk.

  29. Heather Locklear
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    With only seven weeks to go, Heather Locklear is poised to replace Christie Brinkley as the Internet’s new “Hot in Her 50s” star.

  30. Kim Kardashian Butt
    Marc
    Commented on this photo:

    Does she have to buy an extra seat for her extra seat?

  31. Kellan Lutz Playground Workout
    JPC
    Commented on this photo:

    Still not as gay as Twilig…….oh, nevermind.

  32. Kim Kardashian Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    If she was going to sue The Gap she should have done it for selling her cargo pants in 2011.

  33. Haley Joel Osment
    nobody
    Commented on this photo:

    Guy in background:

    “Y U NO WORK SINCE YEAR 2000????”

  34. Dakota Fanning Short Hair
    Commented on this photo:

    She was cute before the sex change operation

  35. Samuel L. Jackson
    Commented on this photo:

    Jackson is one of the greatest actors of our generation, and yet everytime the poor bastard step out in public, some asshole wants him to sign wants a photograph of Jedi Master Mace Windu.

  36. Simon Cowell Shirtless
    Commented on this photo:

    You know how women always complain about losing a breast size when they lose weight? Simon doesn’t want to hear it.

  37. Kellan Lutz Playground Workout
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “Um…what’s Zac Efron doing over there at the jungle gym?”

  38. Paula Labaredas Minidress
    A.T.
    Commented on this photo:

    More of her plz :D

  39. Pete Burns
    Marc
    Commented on this photo:

    This Michael Jackson tribute shit has gone far enough.

  40. Heather Locklear
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    “Is that HER finger up my ass or HIS?”

  41. Alicia Silverstone Christopher Jarecki Bear Blu
    Commented on this photo:

    “Bear Blu Jarecki”? Why didn’t you just name him “Kick The Shit Out Of Me”?

  42. Lorenzo Lamas
    Marc
    Commented on this photo:

    You look Frappalicious!

  43. Tamara Ecclestone Bikini
    still hit it
    Commented on this photo:

    focus!!!

  44. Pete Burns
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoa…this pic just spun me right round, baby. Right round, like a record, baby, right round, round round.

  45. Natasha Henstridge Darius Campbell
    Commented on this photo:

    Married to Natasha Henstridge…+10 pts., Photographed at Coldplay concert…-1000.

  46. David Hasselhoff Parrot
    SimoneDeB
    Commented on this photo:

    “I said SIT on my hand, not shit on it…”

  47. Pete Burns
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    In case of an emergency water landing, her lips may be used as a flotation device.

  48. Kim Kardashian Butt
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Tits fly Frst Class, Ass flies Coach.

  49. John Cusack
    Marc
    Commented on this photo:

    “When I bought John Travolta’s old wig from Nick Cage he told me it would be a little tight but jeez!”

  50. Pete Burns
    Kelce
    Commented on this photo:

    And they say Area 51 is just a conspiracy…

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