Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, capping another news day so slow you’d think it was Nicole Eggert‘s metabolism. Anyway, up for your typecast hate-bang today are Tyra Banks proving that crazy chicks still are the best in the sack, Joe Jonas‘ friend just being a straight-up tease, and Bruce Willis asking the heavens why his 56 year old sperm still fertilizes eggs.
As for today’s Final Five…I don’t even. Let’s not talk about it,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Alright, alright, alright…
yeahhh just keep livin..
This girl makes my dick hurt.
No jokes or sarcasm. She is painfully hot. That’s all. Carry on.
Not fully understanding that one
That arm… Is she a lizzard underneath like the guys in “V”?
underneath?
The curse of the formerly fat. That said … er … maybe you want to rethink sleeveless. I mean, way to go, very impressive, but … yeeeahhh.
Soooo if he wants Tyra, he has to do the witch and the bear? I think I’ll pass…
I’m assuming she was a model many years and many pounds ago.
They’re big…whatever they’re made of.
I’m a little teapot short and stout…
YES
This is the face of a man trying to expunge that last bit of semen from his ass…
LOL!!!!!!!!!!
DOUBLE YES
That’s the same zipper used to hold the wings on 757s.
+1 for brilliance
An evil magician and a crazy pedophile, what could go wrong?
That’s as cute as a basket of kittens.
Cute? yes, hell yes… But I wouldn’t do to a box of kittens what I would do to her… just sayin’
I would. Then I’d flip the box upside down and do it again.
Shame on you…pussy abuse is always wrong.
I thought she’d be using a straw.
Why? The gap is more than wide enough to accommodate the bottle opening?
“So, if I understand you correctly, you can suck the gay out of me with that straw? How much is this treatment again?”
What is that “hair” made out of?
The hair of Indian women, more than likely.
that hair looks SO natural…
Apparently he has the world’s largest penis.
it’s the size of a toddler
How do you know it’s not Tyra’s?? Dude looks a little shocked…
Occasionally, he reflects on his mis-fires… like Scout, Talulah, Rumer, Ashton…
and Hudson Hawk, Look Who’s Talking Too, some of his hair pieces…
“Serena, can you go move the car? The meter’s about to expire. Yes, that’s it: just lift it by the door handle”
That’s why they invented the term “butt ugly”.
“Yes ma’am. I can confirm that a woman came in here several years ago and paid my predecessor a large sum of money to alter certain birth certificates matching your description…”
Looks like they just agreed to a threesome.
A little on the thick side but I wouldn’t mind tossing them about for a while…
You sure you could pick both of them up ?
If you mean the breasts, I would try my best. If you mean the two sisters, you’re out of your mind…
Well, you wouldn’t be the first guy to see them and think about tossing.
It’s still better than a Kardashian.
I think they’d be tossing YOU about for a while there darling….
That man has a huge asssssss!
Would do. (goddamnit!)
Me too. Just because he seems like so much freakin’ fun.
Although those E.T. pictures on the boat kind of freaked me out.
Germany reopened the concentration camps?
Hitler did it for a Klondike bar.
Well if Anderson Cooper wasn’t gay before I can see how this helped things along…
Another Jenny Craig success story.
You can tell the endorsement deal is over.
I see London, I see fat.
This explains everything.
My thoughts exactly.
Have the French no shame? I mean sure, they make fun of our ignorance all the time but copying Coco? That’s low…
yup, i totally thought it was coco! french people are just plain fugly
This cannot not be coco.
Nice “mother of the bride” dress.
Knowing the French, she probably models cigarettes.
She models gloves.
Hey, wasn’t Depp’s wife a “model”?
Definitely a natural blonde.
Rita, is this a shirt Ora dress?
That’s all good, right there.
Ugliest try-hard eva!
agreed, friggin faucet nose, hideous face
Remember when Slater used to date her?
Repugnant now has a face. Hey Shia, have you branded your cologne yet?
Rock, paper, scissors. The loser has sex with me for real…
nice bod. love those thighs.
Really thought this was going to be someone in drag.
It’s not?
It damn well well is.
Isn’t it?
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Aaron Carter needs our help.
E P I C.
Nice!
I thought we were gonna get another Rita Rusty, final five. Thank goodness we got, ah fuck it! this is just as bad!!! FUCK YOU PHOTOBOY! (I say that with love)
MIF. Can’t say that I’d like it.
Until this question gets answered, I question the validity of physics: how the hell does a 7 foot tall wookie have a smaller ass than Kim?
I don’t think it’s a question of physics, but rather perception: A giant ass fits Khloe’s wookie frame better, so it appears as though it’s smaller. You couldn’t say so for sure without detailed measurements. But then you’d get piss all over your surveying equipment.
Easy, Kim’s ass is fake.
Well, the clothing suggests that Khloe works out (she may be lying, she IS, after all, part Kardashian!) And Kim just painfully lies and “works out” the deal to photoshop her fatness.
They’re just going to rub some turpentine on the Carrot Top star, to get off the Sharpie Marker.
No need for turpentine. Just scribble over it with a dry erase marker and it wipes right off. Try it next time you accidentally use a Sharpie on a white board.
hehehe Thanks Heloise! :D
Pose. does. not. look. forced. at. all.
At least she’s trying.
to sprint to KFC
C’mon, guys! That shit was funny… When did it get so fuckin’ “hugs not drugs” in these threads?!?
It goes like this:
Christina Aguilera painted up like an Oompa-Loompa streetwalker and sausaged into Ultimate Tensile Strength Spanx, haughtily ordering us with her eyes to worship her because she is CHRISTINA GODDAMN AGUILERA AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY = mockable.
Nicole Eggert caught in the act of trying to get back in shape after a little too much enjoying being able to eat anything she wanted at last during pregnancy = admirable.*
* Unless you have something especially clever to say, like Bootology below. The KFC thing was not especially clever. That’s where the Thumbs of Judgement come in.
> enjoying being able to eat anything she wanted at last during pregnancy
Since when does pregnancy last 5 years?
This is how black menz like their white wimminz.
I would make fun of her but she’s on the right track…
“Live from our stage at Dachau…”
Michael Jackson has put on some weight.
For not showing any skin, that is one amazing sideboob!
Who?
Even her webbed toes are hot.