The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.21.14

August 21st, 2014 // 365 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed that starts with butt and ends with classic butt and has nothing to do with Nicki Minaj which, after yesterday, is astonishing because I could have sworn she absorbed them all. Even today, when I close my eyes, I only see those weird sun spot lights, but in the shape of two hippos sharing dental floss. Anyway, none of that has anything to do with Sean Connery and I bring that up because I inadvertently found the greatest anecdote about his life while googling his wife’s name. It’s from 2013, you can read it here, then come back and we’ll discuss how this somehow didn’t make national headlines complete with a hero’s parade and Medal of Honor ceremony.

Get Sarah Palin on the phone, I’m ready to support Obama’s impeachment now,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Ryan Seacrest Showing Stomach To Girlfriend Shayna Taylor Yacht
    Commented on this photo:

    “I swear, Shayna, it happened last night. Just give it 10 more minutes then we’ll bring out Jonah.”

  2.  Sean Connery Wife Micheline Roquebrune
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I think it’s pretty cool that he still hangs out with his mom.

  3. Perry Farrell Wearing Scarf Chugging Wine On Stage Brixton Academy
    Commented on this photo:

    Jane says it probably time for a blood panel test.

  4. Chuck Zito Pamela Anderson Drunk Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone’s getting Hepatitis.

  5. Chuck Zito Pamela Anderson Drunk Chateau Marmont
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Partying like it’s 1996…

    having people recognize them and taking their picture like it’s 1996.

  6. Demi Lovato Wilmer Valderrama Disneyland
    Commented on this photo:

    Wilmer just recognizing he’s actually dating his mom.

  7. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Instagram
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Aye lad, before we put the lighthouse there, many a supermodel died on those rocks.

  8. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Neckbeard Sandwich Backwards Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like a tribble!

  9.  Sean Connery Wife Micheline Roquebrune
    Commented on this photo:

    “You need to wait up for me!”
    “Why would I do that you old battle axe, I’m trying to get away from you!”

  10. Kathy Griffin Crazy Devil Face The Late Show With David Letterman
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s rude to snap photos while she’s asleep.

  11. Maksim Chmerkovskiy Holding His Balls
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    This dance move is known as “Unprotected sex with J-Lo”.

  12.  Sean Connery Wife Micheline Roquebrune
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Bond, Sea Bond.

  13. Fred Durst Scruffy Beard Stupid Hat Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    I miss the old days when hipster whites dudes came in just one flavor.

  14. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Neckbeard Sandwich Backwards Hat
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    Has anyone seen Leo, lately? Is he back from Ibiza and possibly locked in Jonah’s basement being punished? Has anyone looked into that? Someone should probably look into that.

  15.  Sean Connery Wife Micheline Roquebrune
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll bet he spins her.
    You know he spins her. Someone might have to help him with the heavy lifting but for sure that’s happening.

  16. Chuck Zito Pamela Anderson Drunk Chateau Marmont
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like a classy guy. Aim high, girl!

  17. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Neckbeard Sandwich Backwards Hat
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Really needs to spend more time exercising and less time building his Leo fansite.

  18. Ben Affleck Grey Hair Blowing Bubble
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    I cam here to do two things. Chew bubblegum and buy crap I don’t need and I’ve got lot’s of bubblegum left.

  19. Zoe Saldana Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Okay, Zoe Saldana. Alright. I see you, girl. I see you.

  20. Lina Nilson Bikini Roberto Cavalli Shirtless Yacht
    Commented on this photo:

    Weekend at Roberto’s

  21. Maksim Chmerkovskiy Holding His Balls
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Women aren’t the only ones who can have problems with sand.

  22. Jonah Hill Fat Weight Gain Neckbeard Sandwich Backwards Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m worried. I think he is eating his fans.

  23. Paris Hilton Butt Bikini Balcony
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    And this is how disease gets spread around the world.

  24.  Sean Connery Wife Micheline Roquebrune
    Commented on this photo:

    “More back talk??? just remember you were my height when we got married.”

  25. Crystal Hefner Cleavage Bikini Instagram
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    When was the last time Hugh was seen alive?
    Just wondering.

  26. Fred Durst Scruffy Beard Stupid Hat Chateau Marmont
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow. Rare is the photo that Fred Durst is the least douchenozzley of the people in it.

  27. Demi Lovato Wilmer Valderrama Disneyland
    Commented on this photo:

    Disneyland…or as Wilmer calls it…”the meat market”

  28. Fred Durst Scruffy Beard Stupid Hat Chateau Marmont
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    If Fish really wants to celebrate an anniversary, set up the first ever “The Superficial Road Trip” to Chateau Marmont for all the readers.

    (BTW, I get dibs on banging Paz De La Huerta over a urinal. Or using her as a urinal. Whatever.)

  29. Jon Hamm Holding Ball The One Show BBC
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Ballers

  30. Ben Affleck Grey Hair Blowing Bubble
    Commented on this photo:

    College girls love bubble gum, eh Ben?

  31. Serena Williams Cleavage Muscular Legs Minidress Delta Airlines Open Mic Night
    Commented on this photo:

    Victor Cruz making his last preseason appearance before their game against the Jets tomorrow.*

    (*I feel bad for making this joke. I loves me some ReRe.)

  32. Kelli Garner Cleavage If I Stay Premiere
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, she looks like Madonna’s human form in 1989.

  33. Kathy Griffin Crazy Devil Face The Late Show With David Letterman
    Commented on this photo:

    Something tells me her real eyebrows are on the back of her head.

  34. Paris Hilton Butt Bikini Balcony
    Commented on this photo:

    My penis says “wow” while my mind just highlighted the latest World CDC report section on high risk individuals.

  35. Lina Nilson Bikini Roberto Cavalli Shirtless Yacht
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Ms Nlson must subscribe to the philosophy that all dicks are the same in the dark, so why not hook up with one attached to a fabulous Greek vacation & a bazillion dollars?

  36. Michelle Rodriguez Belly Crop Top
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she went to the Halle Berry school of crazy-hot.

  37. Jon Hamm Holding Ball The One Show BBC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Coming up, Jon Hamm is going to show us how he plays cricket without a bat.”

  38. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    The lighthouse represents my penis.

  39. Fred Durst Scruffy Beard Stupid Hat Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    Who is that, his protege?

    He’s like the Yoda of douche.

    “Turn your hat sideways you must”

  40. Maksim Chmerkovskiy Holding His Balls
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Poor thing thought a condom was enough to protect him from Lindsay’s fire crotch of death.

  41. Joe Simpson Drunk Shirt Buttons Popping Open Warwick Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t give a shit about his sexuality. Part of me thinks it’s great that for whatever reason, he was finally able to be honest with himself and his family about who he is.

    Those shoes, on the other hand. Ain’t no reason to put your family thru that shit.

    • Russell Mcjimmy, your epic takedown of Minaj’s anaconda was truly inspirational. Awesome. Are you a college professor of just a self educated literary genius? I seriously enjoyed that.

  42. Maitland Ward Cleavage Legs Minidress Americas Next Top Model Cycle 21 Premiere Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Butter

  43. Ben Affleck Grey Hair Blowing Bubble
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m a big Batman and I chew a big gum!

  44.  Sean Connery Wife Micheline Roquebrune
    Commented on this photo:

    Bond. Gold Bond.

  45. Mel B Nipple No Bra Romper
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t mind Mellie Mel when she’s low key and chilling. Damn Captain Save-A-Ho rearing his altruistic head.

  46. Lina Nilson Bikini Roberto Cavalli Shirtless Yacht
    Commented on this photo:

    Pay attention girls: This could be you….

  47. Chuck Zito Pamela Anderson Drunk Chateau Marmont
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve never heard of him, but Pam looks good.

  48. Lina Nilson Bikini Roberto Cavalli Shirtless Yacht
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Stop checking my heartbeat, you goldigger!

  49. Joe Simpson Drunk Shirt Buttons Popping Open Warwick Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t get the image of him sashaying to Britney’s “Work bitch” all around town.

  50. Perry Farrell Wearing Scarf Chugging Wine On Stage Brixton Academy
    Commented on this photo:

    Partaking in a little ritual de lo habitual.

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