The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.18.11

August 18th, 2011 // 350 Comments

“If Tom says this is Suri, then this is Suri. Hello, Suri, how are you today? What’s that? Daddy’s re-educating the real you? Hahaha! Silly goose.”

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed featuring Halle Berry about to break her foot off in the paparazzi’s ass (If you notice she’s not wearing the proper footwear, you’re doing it wrong.), how I want from my coffee from now on and Blake Lively confusing me for a rearview mirror which happens way often than you’d think. I’m very reflective.

Is Akon officially white now? Can we get a ruling on that?

- The Superficial

The Crap We Missed

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    The only thing Tom Cruise has done for me is not fuck up Katie’s beautiful thighs! Thanx, TC.

  2. Jeremy Piven
    Commented on this photo:

    “The big guy baggin’ the groceries tol’ me ta see you’se about maybe puttin’ me to work or somethin’.”

  3. Blake Lively Nipples No Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    “Try as I may I can’t make my tits fall out of this damned shirt.”

  4. Jennifer Morrison Butt Tight Jeans
    Arzach
    Commented on this photo:

    You’ve got an A+++++++ for today’s last photo

  5. Akon Segway
    Commented on this photo:

    “Tired of being pulled over by local police for suspicion of Grand Theft Auto, Akon thinks he has come up with the perfect solution. Unfortunately no one has advised him that Segues aren’t legal for the freeway.”

  6. Prince Harry
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t tell anyone, but in reality I really am just a dipshit.”

  7. Bar Refaeli Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Just wait until he fiinds out that even PRETENDING to punch Bar Refaeli is a federal offense in Israel, and now the Mossad is after his ass.

  8. Katie Holmes
    Commented on this photo:

    The doctor handed Katie that doll and said,

    “Katie, can you show me on this doll where Tom has touched you?”

    After just holding the doll for a while, looking confused (see picture above), she said,

    “I’m gonna need you to get me a Ken doll, and then I can show you where he touches all of his business associates.”

  9. Blake Lively Nipples No Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    I know that for whatever reason they always insist on lightening the skin of black celebrities in photos, but this picture of Willow Smith is absolutely ridiculous.

  10. David Arquette
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    In EVERY picture…. there’s a three-legged chick in the background saying it all with her extra appendage.

  11. Akon Segway
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess that this mode of transportation isn’t really that surprising for a guy who has Lu Lu Lu as one of his (many) middle names.

  12. forrest gump

    seen the look in her eyes…………the smile on her face?
    HUNDRED PERCENT BRAINWASHED.
    (nazi’s used the same method)

  13. Jennifer Morrison Butt Tight Jeans
    holymoly
    Commented on this photo:

    you can’t tell from this angle, but from the front, her vagina is screaming for mercy

  14. Jeremy Piven
    Barnaby Fizzlesticks III
    Commented on this photo:

    Derp!

  15. Akon Segway
    Barnaby Fizzlesticks III
    Commented on this photo:

    My legs, they are tired.

  16. Jude Law Scruffy Beard
    Barnaby Fizzlesticks III
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he a homeless person now? WTF?

  17. Cat Deely Samsung Galaxy
    Barnaby Fizzlesticks III
    Commented on this photo:

    Everything looks good here, except the badly Photoshopped thing she’s holding. Was it too difficult to have her actually HOLD the item?

  18. Prince Charles
    Barnaby Fizzlesticks III
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, yes, yes…dear peasant…guards! Guards! Remove the peasant from my person, forthright. Chip-cheerio!”

  19. Salma Hayek Wig
    AzzPimples
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the hell even is that?

  20. Brad Garrett
    GuyLeDouche
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, Big Gay Al, how are ya? I’m Super! Thanks for asking!

  21. Katie Holmes
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    This is easily one of the creepiest fucking pictures I’ve ever seen. These rich bastards probably have a well in their building into which they lower baskets of lotion.

  22. kulit

    she’s always on a yo-yo diet. skinny-kindachunky-skinny-kindachunky

  23. Christopher Mintz-Plasse
    GuyLeDouche
    Commented on this photo:

    It worked: it’s night and after seeing that I’m frightened.

  24. Prince Charles
    GuyLeDouche
    Commented on this photo:

    Coochie-coochie-coo!

  25. Halle Berry Cleavage
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t figure out who’s more frightening in this picture, Anton Chigur or the multiracial Child of the Corn?

  26. Imogen Thomas Tight Dress
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t blame the guy. If she got that close to me, she would be pregnant soon.

  27. David Arquette
    juaquin ingles
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s rubbing herself up.

  28. Lacey Schwimmer Kyle Massey
    Commented on this photo:

    Lacey Schwimmer displays her new dance step, the Negro Neck Scrunch, just in time for her upcoming appearance on “So You Think You Can Name a Really Stupid Dance?”.

  29. Christopher Mintz-Plasse
    Commented on this photo:

    Just as it appears on the milk carton.

  30. Prince Charles
    Commented on this photo:

    “Good God, Camilla, is that you? Have you been eating those blasted crayfish again?”

  31. Halle Berry Cleavage
    monkeyspank
    Commented on this photo:

    They should get that kid to do the E-trade commercials.

  32. Bar Refaeli Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Very unusual bulimia methodology. Guess she doesn’t like shoving her fingers down her throat.

  33. Halle Berry Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    HEY!!! Did you pay me for that picture? You want me to fuk you up?

  34. David Arquette
    Commented on this photo:

    Excuse me. Can you direct me to where I left my relevance?

  35. Lacey Schwimmer Kyle Massey
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like he’s gonna need a chiropractor.

  36. Cat Deely Samsung Galaxy
    Commented on this photo:

    Not filmed in Germany!

  37. Imogen Thomas Tight Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Ready! Set! Go!

  38. Jennifer Morrison Butt Tight Jeans
    Commented on this photo:

    BRAVO!!!!!! Author! Author!
    All blessings be upon Photo Boy!!!

  39. Salma Hayek Wig
    fcslboy
    Commented on this photo:

    I always assumed she had two arms. Shame on me.

  40. Jeremy Piven
    Tamc
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice watch AP!

  41. Lacey Schwimmer Kyle Massey
    Ismoss
    Commented on this photo:

    Now theres something you dont see every fucking single day, a black man with a fat white chick.

  42. Imogen Thomas Tight Dress
    Ismoss
    Commented on this photo:

    Funny how big tits and a microphone make her look so smart.

  43. Katie Holmes
    Raaaaaaaa
    Commented on this photo:

    oooooh….tom trying out a new weave?

  44. Akon Segway
    Commented on this photo:

    Does anyone ride these things unironically?

  45. Reese Witherspoon
    Commented on this photo:

    Pod people call FAIL, Reese. You’re not supposed to point at yourself.

  46. Halle Berry Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s virtually incapable of being non-hot.

  47. Jude Law Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    His IMDb profile goes “Anna Karenina, 2012 (pre-production). Trapped in a loveless marriage, Anna, looks for a better life, but finds only beards.”

    Furthermore “The Last Voyage of Demeter, 2011 (pre-production). Follows the ill-bearded crew aboard the merchant ship Demeter which carried Dracula’s coffin from Transylvania to England only to arrive at port with no survivors aboard, only their beards, beards everywhere.”

  48. Lacey Schwimmer Kyle Massey
    Commented on this photo:

    Heard to the right: “Tthem white bitches got no class.”

  49. Cat Deely Samsung Galaxy
    Commented on this photo:

    Hello, sad-eyed English woman whose name I wasn’t aware of until damn, those gams.

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