The Crap We Missed – Thursday 7.2.15

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed which is the last one for the week because we’re three-daying this bitch. There will be at least one, possibly two women desecrating the American flag by squeezing it between their buttcheeks tomorrow, so look forward to that. In the meantime, enjoy Ryan Seacrest’s defensive measures against female marine life kicking in, Dakota Johnson who’s so boring she managed to bum out the El Hormiguero guy, and Michael Douglas sticking his tongue out, because I want you to use the entire extended weekend to come up with cunnilingus jokes. It’s what our forefathers would have wanted. Definitely Franklin, dude loved him some whores. History is fun!

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Instagram