The Crap We Missed – Thursday 7.17.14

July 17th, 2014 // 444 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, in which I white knight the shit out of some Chrissy Teigen hate, joyfully discover Keri Russell‘s butt, and ponder Michael Lohan‘s impractical choice of footwear. Unless those are steel-toe loafers, this man really doesn’t fear shattering his pinky toe on a vagina at all.

Be sure to stick around for a special treat on the back end, which is a truly awful pun, but not nearly as awful as how much Fish and I laughed because we’re terrible humans,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    “sigh”, still would

  2. Quinton Aaron Humping Nia Peeples Cleavage 2014 ESPYs
    Commented on this photo:

    “MILF getting Blindsided.” Yeah, I would watch that porn tape.

  3. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    Wally's Beaver
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she in the poop deck?

  4. Madonna Topless Tights Sitting Backwards On Chair Instagram
    satan'srighthand74
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is wrong with Aaron Carter

  5. Daphne Joy Nipples No Bra Legs High Slit See Through Dress Bootsy Bellows
    Commented on this photo:

    Good lord.

  6. Hilaria Baldwin Butt Yoga Pants Split On Post Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Yet Alec wonders why she only prefers missionary with him.

  7. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    duder
    Commented on this photo:

    From that angle, she doesn’t look half bad. I was surprised it was the Lohan since she didn’t look like a dried apricot for a change. A horrible, dried, scabrous ginger apricot.

  8. Ricky Martin Double Chin Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d watch this guy and Robin Thicke fuck. They’d be a great match.

  9. Keri Rusell Butt Dawn Of The Planet of the Apes Premiere Madrid
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s looking better with age.

  10. Queen Elizabeth Posing With Reading Railroad Workers
    Commented on this photo:

    Pretty sure I saw this porn already.

  11. Harry Derbridge Fake Tan Dyed Blond Hair Attitute Hot 100 Summer Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Ancient Rome just popped a boner.

  12. Madonna Topless Tights Sitting Backwards On Chair Instagram
    Rasputin's Evil Twin
    Commented on this photo:

    I was there the day they took this, in 1875.

    Yes, they burned the chair afterwards.

  13. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    If that’s considered “fat” then I’m a chubby chaser.

  14. Maria Sharapova Towering Over Tiny Floyd Mayweather Jr 2014 ESPYS
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks better from at least 20 yards. But still, blonde, tall, and a shrieker, I’m in.

  15. Daphne Joy Nipples No Bra Legs High Slit See Through Dress Bootsy Bellows
    Commented on this photo:

    Nipple shields, I hate them.

  16. Cameron Diaz Man Arms Jason Segel 2014 ESPYS
    Commented on this photo:

    These two have no chemistry
    -although the one on the left looks familiar with pharmacy.

  17. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Extra
    duder
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s Jenna Haze levels of gorgeous. RJ, where are my fisting gloves? You want in on this?

  18. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s hot. Really, really hot. No fucking chance anyone associated to the Superficial in any way ever dated a girl as hot as she is. If each one of us would have banged a girl of that caliber, Fish and Photo Boy wouldn’t be running this website at all, and the rest of us (me included) would have better things to do then come up snappy comments about dumb celebs doing dumb things. ‘Know why? ‘CAUSE OUR LIFE WOULD BE TOTALLY BETTER IN EVERY SINGLE WAY.

    ‘Nuff said.

    • Wemma Atson

      Have you ever been on a resort vacation?

      If you’re even just moderately attractive, it’s easy to nail 10/10′s in that environment, so long as you are capable of listening and offering up valid retorts. Vacation romances are by far the easiest. I actively flirted and picked up a gem right in front of her mother, whom I was engaging in the conversation simultaneously.

      Then again it’s easy under any environment if you’re just remotely good at observation. Girls are so easy to read, there are so many tells that will subtly guide you in the direction they want you to go in.

      You should buy my book -

      Just kidding, I didn’t write one. Fact of the matter is, as it was mentioned earlier and countless other times, every girl is different and that is why trying these “pick-up” tricks is just sad and ineffective. Just listen to the bitch, and have something interesting to offer up in reply. You’d be surprised how far charm and wit can get you in life, regardless of how physically attractive you are or not.

      Of course it helps if you have awesome genes.

      • Nope, life is all looks and money. Our parents were wrong. About everything.

      • Pat C.

        “If you’re even just moderately attractive”

        sigh …

      • Wemma Atson

        To be perfectly fair, it really isn’t that hard to be attractive. Forget genes for a second, facial structure and the things you obviously have no control over, unless you want to fork over a bunch of money for plastic surgery that will leave you looking like a plastic doll.

        The bare minimum, you know, like maintaining a healthy weight and staying fit and in shape is really not that hard. It really isn’t it. I hate to address the elephant in the room but most people are just lazy and take very bad care of themselves. Microwave meals, sitting on their ass in an office all day, poorly groomed with a bad haircut. These are simple things, I really don’t get the self-entitlement of people who think because they are nice they deserve the world when they don’t even treat themselves nicely and take proper care of themselves.

        My 0.02$.

  19. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently Sugardaddies.com had to have a quick replacement for that girl who killed that guy, but they do need a photo.

  20. Ashely Greene Nipples Yoga Pants
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    She’s got the pokies working. Now just needs work on the camel toe.

  21. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
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    I really can’t understand the hold she has on me. God dammit, I still would.

  22. Michael Lohan Yelling At Women On The Street
    Commented on this photo:

    “Well, technically, it’s not solicitation if I have no money, right?”

  23. Ben McKenzie Eating Donal Logue Sandwich Gotham Set
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Finally, a show about Gotham City without all that boring Batman shit.

  24. Ben McKenzie Eating Donal Logue Sandwich Gotham Set
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m interested to see how this show fares.

  25. Kelly Brook Butt Tight Pants In N Out Burger
    Commented on this photo:

    Mom???

  26. Queen Elizabeth Posing With Reading Railroad Workers
    chooky
    Commented on this photo:

    it’s like a dead pixel on an LCD screen

  27. Cameron Diaz Man Arms Jason Segel 2014 ESPYS
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Jason has that “Hurry up, I need to get back to my shift at McDonalds” look. And Cameron just looks like someone who realized a long time ago that it was over.

  28. Maria Sharapova Towering Over Tiny Floyd Mayweather Jr 2014 ESPYS
    ultra
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like she’s being presented with a tiny Floyd Mayweather award.

  29. Dita Von Teese Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt Yoga Pants
    Rasputin's Evil Twin
    Commented on this photo:

    Disguised as a regular woman, Dita felt safe, knowing her secret identity was hidden from the world.

    Oh, and yes, pleas.

  30. Harry Derbridge Fake Tan Dyed Blond Hair Attitute Hot 100 Summer Party
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Can I have him? I’d like to have a genuine androgynous garden sprite to flit around my backyard this summer, refilling the iced tea glasses, scaring the squirrels off the birdfeeder.

  31. Ricky Martin Double Chin Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m surprised how well his hair stands up.

  32. Michael Lohan Yelling At Women On The Street
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, are either of you ladies looking for a leech?

  33. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Selfie, quick! Before the john come back!

  34. Kelly Brook Butt Tight Pants In N Out Burger
    Commented on this photo:

    Those pants and that location only means one thing: she gave up.

  35. Quentin Tarantino Plaid Shirt
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    They didn’t ask him to take off his shoes.

  36. Kelly Brook Butt Tight Pants In N Out Burger
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s on the Kate Upton diet, I think it involves lots of sex and cheeseburgers.

  37. Daphne Joy Nipples No Bra Legs High Slit See Through Dress Bootsy Bellows
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like 2 death stars on an Asian tranny…

  38. Hilaria Baldwin Butt Yoga Pants Split On Post Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    God damn. She gets more impressive everytime. The positions I’d put her in while I’m laying the pipe will be epic.

  39. Iggy Azalea Huge Ass Denim Romper Boyfriend Nick Young
    Commented on this photo:

    lmao. Never heard of that cat Young before, but you can’t hate him for wanting what he wants!

  40. Meg Ryan Thin Frail Limbs
    alex
    Commented on this photo:

    And that’s her “serious” face….

  41. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Extra
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is she being followed by 80′s Wayfarer guy?

  42. Jessica Biel Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Fish was stalking Hillary Duff and got more than he bargained for….

  43. Prince William David Cameron Imperial War Museum Visit
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    And this is a reminder of a time long-ago when England was an Empire and could win a war.

  44. Drake Brian McKnight Weird Linen Clothes 2014 ESPYS
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like a whiny 4 year old girl throwing a tantrum… So basically, Drake being Drake…

  45. Maria Sharapova Towering Over Tiny Floyd Mayweather Jr 2014 ESPYS
    Commented on this photo:

    If Jr. is 5’8″ and the amazon is 6’2″, then how tall are those heels?

  46. Madonna Topless Tights Sitting Backwards On Chair Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s going full “Marlene Dietrich” now (as in “dead since 1992″).

  47. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder what sort of military-grade herpes you could get if the CDC were to splice her genes with Paris Hiltons? And why isn’t AMC making a TV series about it?

  48. Prince Charles Sunglasses Leaning On Cane Food And Farming Summer School Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    “Let us pray the Pimp’s prayer. Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord, so that she may know a ho’s place. Amen”

  49. Meg Ryan Thin Frail Limbs
    JimBB
    Commented on this photo:

    The kids really hate visiting anorexic grandma. “She makes us eat paper and all she has to drink is water!”

  50. Quentin Tarantino Plaid Shirt
    KillKrill
    Commented on this photo:

    Lumberjerk.

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