The Crap We Missed – Thursday 7.17.14

July 17th, 2014 // 444 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, in which I white knight the shit out of some Chrissy Teigen hate, joyfully discover Keri Russell‘s butt, and ponder Michael Lohan‘s impractical choice of footwear. Unless those are steel-toe loafers, this man really doesn’t fear shattering his pinky toe on a vagina at all.

Be sure to stick around for a special treat on the back end, which is a truly awful pun, but not nearly as awful as how much Fish and I laughed because we’re terrible humans,

- Photo Boy

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Hilaria Baldwin Butt Yoga Pants Split On Post Instagram
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s weird how the paparazzi are always bugging Alec. It’s not like he has a wife who takes a film crew with her everywhere to take pics of her pressing her vulva against things.

  2. Ben McKenzie Eating Donal Logue Sandwich Gotham Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Glad to see Donal Logue working again. Not having him on the screen is a criminal waste of talent.

  3. Prince Charles Sunglasses Leaning On Cane Food And Farming Summer School Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice pimp cane.

  4. Meg Ryan Thin Frail Limbs
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    Andy Dick is looking good.

  5. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    Fat? In what world is this lovely creature fat?

    Only in the world of models, where the women are 6’3″ and zero body fat.

    • Slappy Magoo

      I could be wrong – I’m not really bright – but I think Fish is implying that the haters who would call Teigen ugly are fat. Hence “fat haters” versus “fat-haters.”

      • I’m thinking somebody called her a pig, because of her beat face, and she mistook the insult as a comment about her weight.

      • It’s not about being fat, she’s obviously not fat and anyone who calls her that is an idiot. From the neck down she’s awesome. The problem is her super ugly face.

  6. Madonna Topless Tights Sitting Backwards On Chair Instagram
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Open your crypt to me (cough, hack), it’s not that hard, call AARP.”

  7. Prince William David Cameron Imperial War Museum Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    In her later years, Hermione tired of being a wizard and got a Muggle job conducting museum tours.

  8. Quentin Tarantino Plaid Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Mister Plaid.

    He sees clowns to the left of him, jokers to the right….

  9. Queen Elizabeth Posing With Reading Railroad Workers
    Commented on this photo:

    I see the royal protective services are making sure that the Queen blends in with the crowd so she can’t be easy prey for a sniper.

  10. Drake Brian McKnight Weird Linen Clothes 2014 ESPYS
    beaver eater
    Commented on this photo:

    drake let out a big fart

  11. Cameron Diaz Man Arms Jason Segel 2014 ESPYS
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Cameron has nice guns. And Jason looks somewhere waay past bored.

  12. Meg Ryan Thin Frail Limbs
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    When Harry Met A Woman Who Needs To Eat a Sandwich

  13. Kelly Brook Butt Tight Pants In N Out Burger
    Commented on this photo:

    Committed to dropping a few pounds, I see. Eat clean, train dirty.

  14. Prince William David Cameron Imperial War Museum Visit
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck is Kathy Griffin doing there?

  15. Madonna Topless Tights Sitting Backwards On Chair Instagram
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Not to the help – burn that chair.

  16. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Extra
    Commented on this photo:

    I do not find her attractive so suck it.
    Also never implied I have dated a super model but here is some perspective for you people who love her looks so much
    Cara Delevingne
    Is also considered a super model…
    So by your own pathetic logic none of us could have possibly ever dated someone as good looking as her either right….

    • Let me guess, you read that book by that nerd asshole who claims to be a Pickup Artist, and key to his “advice” is to “neg” pretty girls (insult them for no reason) to get them to “want” you.

      How’s that workin’ out for ye, me bucko? Lost your virginity yet?

      • The main trick there is to cast your gimmick net wide enough and of course it’s going to work. I suspect that pretty girls are used to attention so negative attention might work on some of them, especially if they fake their way through low self esteem. But then again, I could probably bang a different pretty girl every day by just saying “Wanna fuck?” to enough drunk pretty girls. Stupid psychological tricks work on stupid people. Like getting into chicks panties. And convincing loser dudes to buy your book.

      • I know you are a simpleton so let me try to explain this to you in terms you may grasp.
        You derp
        Not all other men not derps.
        I have never read any books about picking up women and do not treat them like crap and never have.
        But if we are back to assumptions hows that blow up girlfriend treating you.
        Just keep pasting various girls faces on it and pretending like that means you have really been laid.
        So feel free to fuck off.

      • So in other words, you’re fifteen and bored on summer vacation. Got it.

      • I am older than you and by a long shot.
        Your inability to grasp that there are millions of women who are hot and with average guys only proves my point you are not very bright and women most likely find you creepy stalkerish so you cannot pick up any of them.

        So was some part of fuck off unclear to little derp boy.

      • To Whom It May Concern:

        Gentlemen, while I’m sure everyone’s enthralled with your dazzling oratories about your courting rituals, taste in models and other piquant braggadocio, I and many others come here for one reason and reason only. Jokes.

        Now then, if you bumbling Nancies want to sit around and argue over who’s “poundin’ more primo ‘tang” or some such low hanging blather — understood of course to mean not “poundin’” any — please deport to your nearest campus fraternity house, gaming site or high school cafeteria line and leave the witticisms to Fish and the grownups.

        Sincerely,
        We, the Brotherhood of Giving No Fucks

      • What, you’re being forced to read the comments? They have your eyes propped open like Alex in A Clockwork Orange?

      • I’m here to read the comments, short stack, what are you a MacArthur Fellow?

  17. Meg Ryan Thin Frail Limbs
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck? Say it ain’t so.

  18. Harry Derbridge Fake Tan Dyed Blond Hair Attitute Hot 100 Summer Party
    Commented on this photo:

    I feel sorry for this guy’s butthole

  19. Meg Ryan Thin Frail Limbs
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    At the point when your thumbpad is concave, you’ve probably crossed the line of anorexia.

  20. Ricky Martin Double Chin Beard
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    He comes on a man Down Under…

  21. Madonna Topless Tights Sitting Backwards On Chair Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Yawn

  22. Anastasia Ashley Butt Bikini Surfboard Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    There we go back to the money shot.

  23. Meg Ryan Thin Frail Limbs
    Commented on this photo:

    “Joe Banks?”

  24. Queen Elizabeth Posing With Reading Railroad Workers
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Your Highness, we didn’t say “gravy train”

  25. Iggy Azalea Huge Ass Denim Romper Boyfriend Nick Young
    YadaYada
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice booty. Not too plump.

  26. Quentin Tarantino Plaid Shirt
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can’t fucking believe the fucking stewardesses thought Sergio fucking Leone was a fucking cocktail…pieces of shit, I’d only fuck like three of them, tops!”

  27. Maria Sharapova Towering Over Tiny Floyd Mayweather Jr 2014 ESPYS
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    “Jr.” seems rather redundant.

  28. Crystal Hefner Cleavage Bra Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    If she’s not banging young, hot dudes on the side, she must LOVE money like no one else. Because one day she’s going to realize she wasted the years she was hottest by banging an 85 year old man.
    But maybe she’ll be counting billions of dollars too.

    • Two facts:

      Hef isn’t as rich as you think. Not even close.

      Most Playboy bunnies like old men because they have money, but for sex they like other girls. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    • “Hugh Hefner net worth: Hugh Hefner is an American entrepreneur and founder of Playboy magazine who has a net worth of $43 million. According to paperwork filed during his last divorce, Hugh Hefner estimated his own net worth to be $43 million. His net worth has taken a pretty heavy hit as Playboy’s stock lost over 80% of its value before being taken private in 2011 by Hefner and private equity firm Icon Acquisition Holdings. At the peak of Playboy’s stock performance, Hugh Hefner’s net worth was over $200 million. Interestingly, most people assume Hugh himself actually owns the famous Playboy mansion, but in fact he does not. Playboy owns the house and Hefner must pay an annual fee to cover rent and other expenses like food and parties. Including the room and board for Hefner’s many live in girlfriends. Here is how Hefner broke down his own finances in a recent court filing”

      http://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-businessmen/ceos/hugh-hefner-net-worth/

      $43 million is likely inflated.

  29. Harry Derbridge Fake Tan Dyed Blond Hair Attitute Hot 100 Summer Party
    Slappy Magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like a photo negative of Grace Jones.

  30. Kelly Brook Butt Tight Pants In N Out Burger
    brick
    Commented on this photo:

    She needs to get back IN the car aNd the fuck OUT of there!

  31. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    Rasputin's Evil Twin
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmm, cruise ship or yacht cabin, and she’s getting into blowjob position, to “pay her fare” or “go down with the ship’, as it were.

    What was that about “comeback” again?

  32. Queen Elizabeth Posing With Reading Railroad Workers
    Phil Whitestone
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like someone didn’t read the email about it being orange uniform day.

  33. Ben McKenzie Eating Donal Logue Sandwich Gotham Set
    satan'srighthand74
    Commented on this photo:

    Check out my imitation of Lindsay Lohan at every casting call in the last 10 years

  34. Chrissy Teigen Cleavage Extra
    Wemma Atson
    Commented on this photo:

    While I will not sit here and tell you she is ugly, I will also not agree with your perspective. She does absolutely nothing for me. That does not take anything away from her, or how you should feel about her – only that, subjectively speaking, it’s dead fish for me.

    Now if we were talking about Nina Agdal…

  35. Daphne Joy Nipples No Bra Legs High Slit See Through Dress Bootsy Bellows
    Genghis Khanstein
    Commented on this photo:

    They didn’t finish that dress.

  36. Hilaria Baldwin Butt Yoga Pants Split On Post Instagram
    CT
    Commented on this photo:

    That is actually quite impressive.

  37. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    The position she assumed to get that Comeback trophy.
    Obviously, she had to work on ‘both ends’ to get it

  38. Harry Derbridge Fake Tan Dyed Blond Hair Attitute Hot 100 Summer Party
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Welcome to the Bryan Singer cocktail party, skippy.

  39. Maria Sharapova Towering Over Tiny Floyd Mayweather Jr 2014 ESPYS
    Commented on this photo:

    He should have borrowed Tom Cruise’s shoes.

  40. Hilaria Baldwin Butt Yoga Pants Split On Post Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    For any other girl, I would have find that pic supremely hot.
    With her, however, I just find it supremely annoying.

  41. Queen Elizabeth Posing With Reading Railroad Workers
    Commented on this photo:

    A new rap group, Queen E and the Popsicle Boys?

  42. Kristen Stewart Butt Tight Jeans
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Lady, would a few visits to the squat rack at the gym kill ya?

  43. Daphne Joy Nipples No Bra Legs High Slit See Through Dress Bootsy Bellows
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m all good with Fity’s reject.

  44. Iggy Azalea Huge Ass Denim Romper Boyfriend Nick Young
    Steve R.
    Commented on this photo:

    You post photos like this then flag racist comments, that crap.

    • How racist do you have to be to get your posts flagged on here? Good lord man, what horrible things are in your head?

      • Only word that gets your comment sent to moderation limbo is n****r far as I know.

      • Nope – all sorts of odd stuff gets sent to moderation. I was reviewed for re-purposing part of South Park’s “Kyle’s Mom” lyrics in relation to a Katherine Heigl post. Maybe there’s an MPAA-like max number of obscenity uses? I know it isn’t a “just not funny” flag, because, well, pretty much every other post of mine that DID get through.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …how about this: try not making a racist comment …or is that simply all you’re capable of when you see black people doing things? (douche)

  45. Cameron Diaz Man Arms Jason Segel 2014 ESPYS
    Commented on this photo:

    The face of actors who damn well know they’re promoting a shitty-ass movie.

  46. Natasha Oakley Butt Bikini Martin Medus
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    A young Boris Badenov considers the fate of moose and squirrel.

  47. Jessica Biel Butt Yoga Pants
    Keith
    Commented on this photo:

    Her ass still looks meaty and tight. I approve!

  48. Lindsay Lohan Saggy Cleavage Bikini Ducklips Instagram
    Vic
    Commented on this photo:

    Who still has a camera nowadays???

    • Some of us actually use a SLR camera you know for holiday,and professional pictures?

      • No kidding. And what about new parents who use a phone camera to take once-in-a-lifetime pics of their newborn in poor lighting? Don’t you love photos where everything has an orange tint?

      • The question isn’t “who still has a camera now a days?”, rather it should be, who takes a picture with a camera and then posts it on instagram? I thought instagram was more of a quick photo taken on your phone and then uploaded. Maybe she has a smartcamera? Idk.

  49. Meg Ryan Thin Frail Limbs
    Noah
    Commented on this photo:

    I will *not* have what she’s having.

  50. Iggy Azalea Huge Ass Denim Romper Boyfriend Nick Young
    PassingTrue
    Commented on this photo:

    Where is Spike Lee to call her “mugly” now? (feel free to check out his interview from Playboy a few years back)

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