The Crap We Missed – Thursday 5.17.12

May 17th, 2012 // 486 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed which has everything important that happened so far at the Cannes Film Festival right here and here. We’ve also got Vanessa Hudgens who still thinks Coachella‘s going on, Joe Jonas coordinates every single part of his outfit as all straight men are wont to do, James Gandolfini discovers sexting, and Dina Lohan shatters another innocent life. *dials phone* “Hello, Gerbers? Yes, she’ll do full frontal.”

You know Kris Jenner just dove into Kourtney’s uterus,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Mickey Rourke Knit Hat Striped Shirt
    SSHGuru
    Commented on this photo:

    Benny?

  2. Sacha Baron Cohen The Dictator Costume Beth Ditto Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Shiny sack of fat.

  3. Jada Pinkett Smith Balding Willow Smith Shaved Head
    USDA Prime McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    she must have whipped it back and forth too hard.

  4. Pauly Perrette See Through shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck? Who the fuck are all of these people?

  5. Minka Kelly
    SSHGuru
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she has a load in those pants…

  6. Dominic Chianese
    Commented on this photo:

    Sext.

  7. Jada Pinkett Smith Balding Willow Smith Shaved Head
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s a little girl that will grow up just fine.

  8. Vanessa Hudgens Tank Top Skirt
    Brian Blessed's Bastard Boy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Here Maple Christ! Momma has a surprise inside my universe dress!”

  9. Mickey Rourke Knit Hat Striped Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    He scares me through the monitor. I’m pretty sure he can see me.

    *ducks under desk*

  10. Sacha Baron Cohen The Dictator Costume Beth Ditto Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t he 17 minutes into his 15 minutes of fame by now?

    • JC

      This times a million. I’m sick of his “brilliant” act of playing the same character of “dumb foreign guy” over and over again. Yes, yes, I know it’s a genius satirical take on…whatever, but in reality, he’s just every person on SNL who just plays the same bit character until even dumb people get sick of it.

  11. Sacha Baron Cohen The Dictator Costume Beth Ditto Cannes
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she get dumped by George Clooney too?

  12. Jessica Chastain Cleavage Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Pretty nice. It’s like she’s Tilda Swinton’s human sister.

  13. Pauly Perrette See Through shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice she got all glammed up for the event.

  14. Vanessa Hudgens Tank Top Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s one of these idiots that thinks she’s a hippie now.

  15. Joe Jonas
    Brian Blessed's Bastard Boy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Play it cool. Play it cool. Travolta pays well for some butt sex, and I’m already lubed. Just need that money for a Brazilian is all.”

  16. Jada Pinkett Smith Balding Willow Smith Shaved Head
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    If your only claim to fame, other than your parents is a song about flipping your hair, this is probably a bad idea…

  17. Dominic Chianese
    Commented on this photo:

    “Does anybody know how to turn off this goddamn speakerphone?”

  18. Katie Price Cleavage
    Brian Blessed's Bastard Boy
    Commented on this photo:

    Welcome to the Kim Kardashian Waterpark.

  19. Pauly Perrette See Through shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Pauly won in the category “Too Old To Play A Goth Chick”

    • Devilish Diva

      I hope to look as good as she does when I’m 43!

      • Yes, I was about to say, I would definitely nominate her for Cutest 43-Year-Old Ever.

      • It’s like the Matlock of our day.

      • Fack… that was supposed to be one comment down. This has not been a good week.

      • Devilish Diva

        How is she 43? And Lindsay Lohan is only 25? My only quibble with Pauley Perette is I don’t think I’ve ever seen pics of her dressed up. If you go to an industry event, you should dress up, for crissakes.

      • Devilish Diva

        @TomFrank—-why qualify Pauley with her age? Just a pet peeve ’cause no one says, for example, a man is hot—for a 40-something year old. Women get classified all the time with regards to their age.
        I’m in college and I even get labelled with the “college co-ed” crap. Annoying.

  20. Jada Pinkett Smith Balding Willow Smith Shaved Head
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if she’s pre-registered at Betty Ford.

  21. Joe Jackson
    Brian Blessed's Bastard Boy
    Commented on this photo:

    “That’s what Michael looked like shirtless!”

  22. Joe Jonas
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Awww! First date?

  23. Mickey Rourke Knit Hat Striped Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Aging gracefully

  24. Angela Simmons Bikini
    USDA Prime McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    That pretty much sums up my thoughts on the final five too, sweetie.

  25. Kat Dennings
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t think of anyone more appropriate for an “Upfront” event.

  26. Vanessa Hudgens Tank Top Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Smells like Birkenstocks.

  27. Phoebe Price Cleavage Cannes
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    Like one of those Old West-style gimmicky photos you can have done posing as a “Saloon Girl” or “Prostitute” at tourist traps, usually printed in sepia.
    Only this is 2012, and she dressed like that for real.

    • Well, of course she’s dressed like a prostitute for real. Why else would she be in Cannes?

      (Seriously…why the fuck is she in Cannes?)

      • Johnny P!

        Y’know, TomFrank, I’ve often asked myself that about many “Celebs” (heavy on the quotation marks).
        I haven’t had the pleasure of attending Cannes during the Festival, but I’m gonna guess about 30% of the people there (excluding fans, journalists, photographers, etc) are actually involved in a film being represented there.
        The rest? Media/Fame whores.

  28. Sacha Baron Cohen The Dictator Costume Beth Ditto Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    I wouldn’t mind shoving that shtick up his ass.

  29. Mickey Rourke Knit Hat Striped Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s out looking for Travolta.

  30. Christina Hendricks
    Dick Hell
    Commented on this photo:

    If she plays her cards right she could have me.

  31. Dina Lohan Baby
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    The first time that child smelled distilled juniper berries.

  32. Vanessa Hudgens Tank Top Skirt
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Thankfully, her nude pics came out before she had armpit hair.

  33. Hofit Golan Butt See Through Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Here’s a fashion tip: more moonrise, less kingdom.

  34. Vanessa Hudgens Tank Top Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    When High School Musical was over, so were YOU.

  35. Dina Lohan Baby
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the fuck gave her a baby??

  36. Hofit Golan Butt See Through Dress
    IdHitIt
    Commented on this photo:

    I have no issues whit this photograph.

  37. Phoebe Price Cleavage Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a fucking disaster. It’s like a tornado dressed her.

  38. Sophie Monk Nipples
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    Her middle name MUST be ‘Chip’.

  39. Christie Brinkley Legs Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, OK, it was a good run but now she’s starting to look startled all the time.

    • Grand Poobah

      she should marry Jim Carey, they can both glue on some stupid facial expressions to keep themselves amused in the quiet of their home and we would never have to see either of them ever again.

  40. Dina Lohan Baby
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Does this mean Ally was pregnant the whole time, and the anorexia was just a clever way of hiding it?

  41. Chris Noth Grey Beard Tuxedo
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s the to make it rain.

  42. Christie Brinkley Legs Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    We get it. You’re in your 70s and look pretty damned good. Knock it off already.

  43. Tara Reid Drunk Cleavage Legs Minidress
    Johnny P!
    Commented on this photo:

    So they can mold new torsos out of pleather now?
    Interesting.

  44. Dina Lohan Baby
    Commented on this photo:

    And she named this one Mulligan.

  45. Dina Lohan Baby
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s already shopping sex tapes of it.

  46. Danica McKellar Cleavage Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s nothing mini about those Coopers.

  47. Pauly Perrette See Through shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m just a cave woman. When I get sent to an awards ceremony, I think, ‘who are all of the people in this strange tribe, and why do they want me to be their leader?’ Or, whatever.”

  48. Phoebe Price Cleavage Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    And where did she find a band aid that big? I can only imagine the size of the weeping pustule under that.

  49. Danica McKellar Cleavage Minidress
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s looking fucking great.

  50. Dominic Chianese
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s trying out for the bus driver position at Six Flags.

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