Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed which has everything important that happened so far at the Cannes Film Festival right here and here. We’ve also got Vanessa Hudgens who still thinks Coachella‘s going on, Joe Jonas coordinates every single part of his outfit as all straight men are wont to do, James Gandolfini discovers sexting, and Dina Lohan shatters another innocent life. *dials phone* “Hello, Gerbers? Yes, she’ll do full frontal.”
You know Kris Jenner just dove into Kourtney’s uterus,
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Benny?
Shiny sack of fat.
But Beth Ditto balances him out.
she must have whipped it back and forth too hard.
Nice!
What the fuck? Who the fuck are all of these people?
That’s Pauly, stupid. You know, Pauly… Perette?
Looks like she has a load in those pants…
A load of Jerpes.
*tear runs down face*
Sext.
I love that he’s using a 6 year old Samsung too. Probably took him 45 minutes to compose his 10 word reply.
There’s a little girl that will grow up just fine.
i was thinking along those line, too. She should be a member of FHBA…Future Heart Breakers of America!
“Here Maple Christ! Momma has a surprise inside my universe dress!”
He scares me through the monitor. I’m pretty sure he can see me.
*ducks under desk*
Isn’t he 17 minutes into his 15 minutes of fame by now?
This times a million. I’m sick of his “brilliant” act of playing the same character of “dumb foreign guy” over and over again. Yes, yes, I know it’s a genius satirical take on…whatever, but in reality, he’s just every person on SNL who just plays the same bit character until even dumb people get sick of it.
Did she get dumped by George Clooney too?
Pretty nice. It’s like she’s Tilda Swinton’s human sister.
Fucking hilarious.
I thought it was anorexic Christina Hendricks.
Nice she got all glammed up for the event.
She’s one of these idiots that thinks she’s a hippie now.
That was redundant on several levels.
“Play it cool. Play it cool. Travolta pays well for some butt sex, and I’m already lubed. Just need that money for a Brazilian is all.”
If your only claim to fame, other than your parents is a song about flipping your hair, this is probably a bad idea…
“Does anybody know how to turn off this goddamn speakerphone?”
Welcome to the Kim Kardashian Waterpark.
Pauly won in the category “Too Old To Play A Goth Chick”
I hope to look as good as she does when I’m 43!
Yes, I was about to say, I would definitely nominate her for Cutest 43-Year-Old Ever.
It’s like the Matlock of our day.
Fack… that was supposed to be one comment down. This has not been a good week.
How is she 43? And Lindsay Lohan is only 25? My only quibble with Pauley Perette is I don’t think I’ve ever seen pics of her dressed up. If you go to an industry event, you should dress up, for crissakes.
@TomFrank—-why qualify Pauley with her age? Just a pet peeve ’cause no one says, for example, a man is hot—for a 40-something year old. Women get classified all the time with regards to their age.
I’m in college and I even get labelled with the “college co-ed” crap. Annoying.
I wonder if she’s pre-registered at Betty Ford.
“That’s what Michael looked like shirtless!”
Awww! First date?
Aging gracefully
That pretty much sums up my thoughts on the final five too, sweetie.
Bingo.
No more 8th graders in the final five.
I can’t think of anyone more appropriate for an “Upfront” event.
Smells like Birkenstocks.
Like one of those Old West-style gimmicky photos you can have done posing as a “Saloon Girl” or “Prostitute” at tourist traps, usually printed in sepia.
Only this is 2012, and she dressed like that for real.
Well, of course she’s dressed like a prostitute for real. Why else would she be in Cannes?
(Seriously…why the fuck is she in Cannes?)
Y’know, TomFrank, I’ve often asked myself that about many “Celebs” (heavy on the quotation marks).
I haven’t had the pleasure of attending Cannes during the Festival, but I’m gonna guess about 30% of the people there (excluding fans, journalists, photographers, etc) are actually involved in a film being represented there.
The rest? Media/Fame whores.
I wouldn’t mind shoving that shtick up his ass.
He’s out looking for Travolta.
If she plays her cards right she could have me.
The first time that child smelled distilled juniper berries.
Thankfully, her nude pics came out before she had armpit hair.
Here’s a fashion tip: more moonrise, less kingdom.
When High School Musical was over, so were YOU.
Who the fuck gave her a baby??
I have no issues whit this photograph.
This is a fucking disaster. It’s like a tornado dressed her.
Her middle name MUST be ‘Chip’.
Yeah, OK, it was a good run but now she’s starting to look startled all the time.
she should marry Jim Carey, they can both glue on some stupid facial expressions to keep themselves amused in the quiet of their home and we would never have to see either of them ever again.
Does this mean Ally was pregnant the whole time, and the anorexia was just a clever way of hiding it?
He’s the to make it rain.
*there. derp
We get it. You’re in your 70s and look pretty damned good. Knock it off already.
So they can mold new torsos out of pleather now?
Interesting.
And she named this one Mulligan.
She’s already shopping sex tapes of it.
sicko
Um, leslie, I think you’re on the wrong site.
I agree these comments are sick
LMFAO
There’s nothing mini about those Coopers.
“I’m just a cave woman. When I get sent to an awards ceremony, I think, ‘who are all of the people in this strange tribe, and why do they want me to be their leader?’ Or, whatever.”
“…But one thing I do know is that NCIS must continue for at least another five years, even if no one under 50 actually watches it.”
And where did she find a band aid that big? I can only imagine the size of the weeping pustule under that.
She’s looking fucking great.
He’s trying out for the bus driver position at Six Flags.