The Crap We Missed – Thursday 3.31.11

March 31st, 2011 // 387 Comments

Even though it feels like we’ve hit everything from Ewoks to dick gummies, here’s today’s The Crap We Missed: John Mayer is a Colombian drug lord now. Wonder Woman is winning over fanboys one awkward, boner-in-her-thigh hug at a time. Hilary Swank apparently saw those Christina Hendricks pics, too. Kevin Spacey imagines the soft, delicate breeze of a well-placed teabag, and Mikhail Gorbachev looked this after seeing this.

In Russia the miss craps you,

- The Superficial

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Photos: Fame, Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Mischa Barton
    Storm
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s nothing classier than showing up to a party shit-faced and wearing a shoelace for a belt.

  2. Ian McShane
    Commented on this photo:

    Ian McShane and Danny Trejo should do a movie called “Double Ugly…Double Deadly”…I’m going to go ahead and give this one away for free. Someone get Robert Rodriguez to work on this.

  3. Sharon Stone
    Commented on this photo:

    This is the least lifelike Lenin impression yet.

  4. Ellen Pompeo
    Storm
    Commented on this photo:

    Too bad she can’t work out her face to make it look better.

  5. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    LongTimeListener, FirstTimeCaller
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like he stole the bike from the old white guy in the suit.

  6. josh

    CONGRATS TO CHRIS BROWN ON HAVING THE NUMBER 1 ALBUM IN AMERICA.

  7. Mikhail Gorbachev
    Commented on this photo:

    Other than having one eye 6 inches closer to the camera than the other, he looks pretty good for 80. Especially considering that I thought he was dead.

    • Bucky Barnes

      Gorbachev: “Once I removed my glass eye and stuck it in my ass before the proctologist examined me. When he walked in I bent over and using my best Bogart impression said, ‘Here’s looking at you, kid!’ We laughed our asses off and then went out and killed a hooker. True story.”

  8. Jessica Szhor
    Chinny
    Commented on this photo:

    Her?

  9. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Storm
    Commented on this photo:

    What you can’t see is that Danny DeVito is on the back of that bike.

  10. John Mayer
    LongTimeListener, FirstTimeCaller
    Commented on this photo:

    It almost looks like he knows he’s a douche.

  11. John Mayer
    Chinny
    Commented on this photo:

    TomFrank wins, everyone can go home now.

  12. Matt LeBlanc
    Ruth
    Commented on this photo:

    How you doin’?

  13. Kirsten Dunst
    eab74
    Commented on this photo:

    The transformation must not be complete b/c she hasn’t combusted in the sun

  14. Kevin Spacey
    The Laughing G-D
    Commented on this photo:

    What is not pictures is the Thai midget in his pants

  15. Jessica Szhor
    Commented on this photo:

    No amount of short shorts and tight legs are going to change the fact those are some fugly ass shoes. Her tits aren’t doing her any favors either.

  16. Kim Kardashian
    The Laughing G-D
    Commented on this photo:

    Men around the world have just printed this picture on body pillows.

  17. Ian McShane
    Ruth
    Commented on this photo:

    Be in my joint in two hours, we’re forming a fuckin’ government.

  18. fatguyinalittleshirt

    DAMN she is fine….

  19. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Commented on this photo:

    I assume the British wanted to see the thumb he kept up his ass as Governor…

  20. Hilary Swank
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    Alright kids, this is how you grab boobies.

  21. Jessica Szhor
    The Laughing G-D
    Commented on this photo:

    She has the demeanor of those sex slaves that get rescued from shipping crates. “Bright light in the sky, scarwee!”

  22. John Mayer
    Commented on this photo:

    I hate it when British things get remade for America… So this is our version of Russell Brand you say?

  23. Mischa Barton
    Commented on this photo:

    “Guys keep telling me they’ll do me if I’m wearing a bag….”

  24. Adrianne Palicki Wonder Woman
    The Laughing G-D
    Commented on this photo:

    “Just a little closer… a little closer… there… she touched my penis, and that’s how I am gonna tell it.”

  25. Sharon Stone
    Commented on this photo:

    My basic instinct would be to flee…

  26. Goldie Hawn
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    Great Kirstie Alley impression.

  27. Kirsten Dunst
    Garrett
    Commented on this photo:

    “I was in movies once… and there were shirts with sleeves and all.”

  28. Goldie Hawn
    Commented on this photo:

    Gorbachev’s favorite joke is the ol’ fly up the nose. Thanks for playing along, Goldie.

  29. Mikhail Gorbachev
    Commented on this photo:

    So did Arnie look at his head and say “Eeeets notta twoomaah”?

  30. Kim Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    “And then I held it like this. . . and opened my mouth like this . . . “

  31. Jessica Szhor
    Go rough young man
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn,how do I approach a hot chick with crotch chokers, without sounding like I need a date?

  32. Ellen Pompeo
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    If you keep making that Kirsten Dunst face, it’ll get stuck like her career.

  33. Ellen Pompeo
    Commented on this photo:

    Is there enough Botox that her face won’t do that anymore? No? How about a tennis racket then?

  34. Mikhail Gorbachev
    Go rough young man
    Commented on this photo:

    “Gorbie,tear down that birthday”

  35. Aja

    She’s cute, nothing spectacular imo.

  36. Jessica Szhor
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    This beast looks like she belongs on Jersey Szhor.

  37. Kim Kardashian
    CC
    Commented on this photo:

    She didn’t get that round mouth from eating square meals!

  38. Marilyn Manson
    Commented on this photo:

    You can only be so scary when your posse is 100% minorities in business suits.

  39. Kevin Spacey
    Bucky Barnes
    Commented on this photo:

    Just swallow that jism already, Kevin, you’ve been swishing it around so long it’s mostly saliva anyway.

  40. Mischa Barton
    Bucky Barnes
    Commented on this photo:

    Evidently a black tie affair.

  41. Miranda Kerr
    Ksurfiws
    Commented on this photo:

    One Snake Skin Tampon – Used

  42. Marilyn Manson
    CC
    Commented on this photo:

    Now there is a waste of good air.

  43. Sharon Stone
    brizo
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you sure this wasn’t from his 40th birthday?

  44. Matt LeBlanc
    Ksurfiws
    Commented on this photo:

    Matt Leblanc has 7 Lunches in Santa Monica

  45. Goldie Hawn
    Bucky Barnes
    Commented on this photo:

    Goldie was invited so she could stand next to Gorby and make him look good… by comparison.

  46. Jessica Szhor
    CC
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks kinda like that Amber slut.

  47. Mikhail Gorbachev
    Savalas
    Commented on this photo:

    “Who the fuck invited all these Hollywood has-beens to my god-damned motherfucking birthday party?”

    • Bucky Barnes

      Zombie-Reagan had a previously scheduled engagement so he invited a bunch of other Hollywood corpses.

  48. Kim Kardashian
    Bucky Barnes
    Commented on this photo:

    “Does this purse make my ass look big?”

  49. Adrianne Palicki Wonder Woman
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    The good thing about fat nerds is they can’t poke you with their boners. It just pokes the back of their belly fat.

  50. Adrianne Palicki Wonder Woman
    Bucky Barnes
    Commented on this photo:

    “What is that poking my leg?”
    Now we know why they gave her long pants.

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