The Crap We Missed – Thursday 3.3.16

[Ed. Note: I published this early today because, goddammit, did I miss our magnificent photo bastard. And not because these things do way more pageviews than Kate Upton’s boobs. Why would you say that? *gets bucket ready to catch Internet dollars* What? – SW]

Welcome to the return of The Crap We Missed, which took a brief hiatus while my life didn’t fundamentally change at all. *wipes vomit off shoulder* Why would you assume that? I just needed a break from finding Instagram boob, hungover Ben Affleck, and Ricky Martin blue steeling the fuck out of a glacier for a few days. *notices tiny child finally close his eyes, devours meal in ten seconds, collapses to sleep on floor* Seriously though, on a personal note, thanks for understanding me taking a breather and for all the kind words you left in the comments. And on a completely impersonal note, I’m embedding Jen Selter’s jiggling ass doing a split in yoga pants below this sentence, which is a string of words a person I made is probably going to be deconstructing for years through casual drug use and hopefully effective therapy one day. Sorry kid, but we earn in this family. Any way we know how.

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Instagram