The Crap We Missed – Thursday 2.13.14

February 13th, 2014 // 343 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where we learn how to say Buy Oats Cheap! in graffiti, as well as the kind of rash your face gets from Sean Penn, and how to casually take a dick selfie from Jeremy Jackson. You’ll see it. I’d have something else snarky to say but it all shot out of my sweat glands during the past hour and a half of shoveling.

Seriously Florida, why do you have to be such a methy bitch?

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. January Jones Almost Dropping Son Xander Off Lap While Swinging
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s not going to end well.

    • crb

      True. Her cracking a smile can only mean evil’s afoot, and about to launch Jimmy off that swingset right onto the 405.

      Strike that; -not smiling. This is clearly the start of maniacal Dr. Evil-style laughter.

  2. Sophie Monk Legs Minidress Sydney Art Gallery
    Commented on this photo:

    I loved you in Sex and the City

  3. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Leather Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    The jokes write themselves.

    • crb

      Those clothes are a little to tight on her.

      Shouldn’t she just wear a Moo-Moo?

    • crb

      “Shamu said if I could just keester his stash for abit, I could have all the Scooby-Snax I want. Now if I can just make it from Orlando to San Diego. GGNNNNGGGHHHH! -Oh who am I kidding? I got this!”

  4. Dakota Fanning Cleavage Rodarte Fashion Show
    quickrick
    Commented on this photo:

    when did those grow out??

  5. January Jones Almost Dropping Son Xander Off Lap While Swinging
    Commented on this photo:

    Think I have figured it out between her and the child only one of them can show a happy emotion at the same time and the other has to have the hate the world emotion….

  6. Christine Baumgartner Kevin Costner Checking Out Cleavage 3 Days To Kill Premiere
    BlackManUSA
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s always a white man saying it all with his eyes…

  7. Phoebe Price Cleavage Legs Romper
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she had her monthly exit all over her shoes.

  8. Ireland Baldwin Bra See Through Blouse Legs Miniskirt Marchesa Fashion Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Have to love the look of a girl that says yes I put out….

  9. Jeremy Jackson Leka Show Fashion Week
    Commented on this photo:

    “Prozac Steel”.

  10. Sarah Jessica Parker Bubble Coat
    Commented on this photo:

    Only you would put two horse pics back to back.

  11. Taylor Swift Bra See Through Shirt
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere out there, Karlie Kloss is wondering if “Single White Female”-ing is a thing.

  12. Prince William Shaking Jackie Chans Hand Illegal Wildlife Trade Conference Reception
    Terd Fergueson
    Commented on this photo:

    “You put starch on my shirts one more time, and you’ll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong.”

  13. Sinead OConnor Red Writing On Cheeks Military Jacket
    Commented on this photo:

    does anyone know what she did to her cheeks?

  14. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Leather Skirt
    Commented on this photo:

    in black and white all I can see is Shamu

  15. January Jones Almost Dropping Son Xander Off Lap While Swinging
    Commented on this photo:

    “This time, remember to stick the landing.”

  16. Mel Gibson Crazy Eyes Full Scruffy Beard
    Commented on this photo:

    Anti-semitism never looked so cool.

  17. January Jones Almost Dropping Son Xander Off Lap While Swinging
    cmonreally
    Commented on this photo:

    “Well, dropping you on the head didn’t work the last time we were on a swing together, let’s see if throwing you would do the trick…”

  18. Jeremy Jackson Leka Show Fashion Week
    Terd Fergueson
    Commented on this photo:

    Guaranteed Hobie has allowed random dong to penetrate his mouth in exchange for crack.

  19. Mel Gibson Crazy Eyes Full Scruffy Beard
    ben dover
    Commented on this photo:

    even with the beard and stash you are still an asshole

  20. Dakota Fanning Cleavage Rodarte Fashion Show
    ben dover
    Commented on this photo:

    nice titties

  21. January Jones Almost Dropping Son Xander Off Lap While Swinging
    Commented on this photo:

    Say “when”

  22. Kelly Brook Butt Yoga Pants David McIntosh Short Shorts
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Has it been longer than 4 hours?”
    “It’s been all week! I’m scared!”

  23. Sinead OConnor Red Writing On Cheeks Military Jacket
    ben dover
    Commented on this photo:

    what the fuck?

  24. Michael Douglas Turtleneck Sunglasses Blazer Michael Kors Show Fashion Week
    ben dover
    Commented on this photo:

    I got cancer from eating Kathleen Turner’s pussy

  25. Charlize Theron Butt Yoga Pants Red Facial Splotches
    kafak
    Commented on this photo:

    Banging Sean Penn has even given her rashes on her face. I would hate to know what it’s doing in the south.

  26. Kelly Brook Butt Yoga Pants David McIntosh Short Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    I fucking hate that guy. Why him and not me? I’ve got muscl—Ok, no I don’t. I’ve got tatto–Ok, no I don’t. Ah! I’m black and have a boner too. Why not me?

    • I’ll be perfectly frank – you probably look better than this guy does. I don’t understand why girls find this shit attractive, it totally does nothing for me. He looks like a male Coco, about to burst fluid from any one of his his fucked up looking lumps.

      I like my guys to look like humans, not lumpy porridge.

      • Johnny Barbells

        …spoken like someone bitter who never gets hit on by handsome, muscular men. (and don; you gonna let her talk about our Coco that way???)

      • Actually, I’ve been hit on by scrawny nerdy guys, big muscular guys, chubby guys, and ‘regular’ guys. And creepy old men, but I don’t count those. And Cracked commenters, but I don’t count those either.

        I generally go for thin nerdy guys because I care more about intellect than looks, but if my choice in men was based solely on physical appearance, I can tell you that large and muscular would be dead last. The most muscle I can tolerate is Klitschko or Lundgren level, but even then you have to be well over six feet tall for it to work. And both of them get extra points for being smart and European, so even that isn’t 100% based on looks. I was less than happy when my ex started getting too big from weight training, because at 5’8, he wasn’t tall enough for it to balance properly. Neither is this guy.

        When your traps start making you look like a hunchback with no neck, you’re well into ‘gross’ territory, sorry.

      • And Coco’s a big girl, she doesn’t need Don to defend her. ;)

  27. Jeremy Jackson Leka Show Fashion Week
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn. His face is chiseled.

  28. Charlize Theron Butt Yoga Pants Red Facial Splotches
    Commented on this photo:

    That rash was a gift from Sean’s Haitian friends.

  29. Sophie Monk Legs Minidress Sydney Art Gallery
    ben dover
    Commented on this photo:

    Sarah Jessica is that you?, wow you haven’t aged a bit
    now stomp once if you want some oats

  30. Dakota Fanning Cleavage Rodarte Fashion Show
    Commented on this photo:

    Kirsten Dunst II

  31. January Jones Almost Dropping Son Xander Off Lap While Swinging
    maoix
    Commented on this photo:

    What? We…uh…all had a 1000-yard stare at that age, right?

  32. Johnny Depp Amber Heard Cleavage Legs Slit Dress 3 Days To Kill Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s nice of Amber to bring her dad to a premiere.

  33. Sarah Jessica Parker Bubble Coat
    ben dover
    Commented on this photo:

    wait i stomped once so where are my oats?

  34. January Jones Almost Dropping Son Xander Off Lap While Swinging
    cunty spunkfuckshitpiss
    Commented on this photo:

    These photos must come cheap. Every day, same ol’ shit.

  35. Elsa Pataky Nipples No Bra Huge Pregnant Belly
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    This season’s hottest accessory in California? A nanny. Doesn’t matter if you’ve already given birth or not.

  36. Candice Swanepoel Butt Cutoff Jean Shorts
    Mike Goldman
    Commented on this photo:

    And thats why I like her more than chipmunk miranda…

  37. Taylor Swift Bra See Through Shirt
    joe
    Commented on this photo:

    Another week, another new set of tits.

  38. Candice Swanepoel Butt Cutoff Jean Shorts
    Randal
    Commented on this photo:

    holy mother of ASS

  39. Jeremy Jackson Leka Show Fashion Week
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s wrong with his face?

  40. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Leather Skirt
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a LOT of leather to cover her bottom half.

    I bet those happy cows in California are so happy now.

  41. Candice Swanepoel Butt Cutoff Jean Shorts
    colajack
    Commented on this photo:

    New from VS: momjean hotpants!

  42. Johnny Depp Amber Heard Cleavage Legs Slit Dress 3 Days To Kill Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that Amber’s Cousin, Spike, from Needles?

  43. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Leather Skirt
    Randal
    Commented on this photo:

    mooo moooooo fucking hell MOOOOOOOOOOO

  44. Sarah Jessica Parker Bubble Coat
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice hooves, mare!

  45. January Jones Almost Dropping Son Xander Off Lap While Swinging
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh what a fun day! What…what is happening to my face? Why are my lips curling upwards? OUCH! Great – I just strained a cheek muscle.”

  46. Christine Baumgartner Kevin Costner Checking Out Cleavage 3 Days To Kill Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Oggle them and they will come.

  47. Sarah Jessica Parker Bubble Coat
    Commented on this photo:

    Something horse winter coat something

  48. Elsa Pataky Nipples No Bra Huge Pregnant Belly
    Commented on this photo:

    This is what Hollywood does to people. She’s only 6 months’ pregnant, but she has her assistant follow her around with a stroller, “just in case.”

  49. Emily B Huge Shelf Ass Tight Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Wonder what the “B” stands for

  50. Jude Law Crazy Eyes Ruth Wilson Box Club
    Commented on this photo:

    If my brother looked like this I wouldn’t let him around my kids.

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