“You did not replace your titties with Matt Lauer‘s face. FOR REAL?!?!!!”
Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed featuring Ke$ha showing us how she maintains her incredible, frog-like figure, Zachary Quinto wants you to know he’s scoring mad ass now and Antonio Banderas receiving word from God that he should’ve touched Salma Hayek‘s boobs more. “Always be touching the boobs, my son,” is how God normally talks. Trust me.
Hey, look, a whole post without mentioning child rape!
- The Superficial
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Listen I appreciate the Santa Claus thing, but can you make it a bit, hummm… how do I say this… Manlier?
…dood looks like the fat black squirrel I saw in the park yesterday
i want her asshole wrapped around my tongue.
Good for you!
Number 1 rule pimp: You NEVER eat a strippers ass.
At least not while she’s working.
would you fuck me? id fuck me…. id fuck a me lookalike.
“I’m gonna let you finish the cat walk, but first I’m gonna talk to your titties.”
it was “I’mma lehh you finish…”
You win.
“Just a small time girl, living in a lonely (yet incredibly rich) world, she took the midnight (gold) train…”
Nice wedgie.
He’s seriously considering her proposal of using 2 fingers…
Such poor, misguided young women…..
You can hang all the diamonds & sequins you want around them, but it’s still just a pair of aging freckled flapjacks.
And I have the syrup!
Is she pregnant?
Nah, she just forgot to eat her Activa.
I’d hit it
That chick needs to seriously shave the pits.
You don’t like it when she is just sarcastically shaving her pits?
She finally got herself pregnant… all by herself…
HAH! nicely done
Standing ovation. Well done.
Or is that Standing Ovulation?
You did it wrong on facebook by acknowledging that Kanye’s face is supposedly in this picture because I haven’t seen him yet due to the very delicious ass staring at me.
….what ass?
We have almost completed the beta testing on her and it’s going well. Much more life-like than our previous models. We did reduce the breast size to cut costs, but market research indicated that her better looking face didn’t require the huge breast distraction that we had to put on the Katy Perry model.
I expect a production model to come out in the first quarter of 2012, but don’t quote me on that.
BRAVO :D
That’s a lot of pearl necklaces. Her jewelry must be from the new Bukkake collection, by Zales.
you don’t know what pearls are, do you?
I gave her a cubic zirconium across her chest.
Dreg, next time use the Zoom function to confirm things like that.
Just gave it a try, but for some reason when I rolled over her tits, I had pause to rub one out. Not sure what that was about. Does that ever happen to you?
No. Well…not with Gwyneth, anyway.
wow, the zoom is amazing! I was compelled by all the tit talk but it was very freckly and not good.
“Yeah yeah, send that pic to Kanye. Follow it up with: Spock’s cock. He’s gonna love it”
“Would a gay fish look like this?”
No gills.
I’d do Zooey where she Pooey(s).
Does not rhyme.
yeah it does. Zooey/Pooey
I lost a three dollar bill somewhere in here. If anybody finds it please let me know.
Thought bubble above the girl in glasses:
Pleeeease let him be a chubby chaser, pleeeease let him be a chubby chaser…
How long can this woman be a successful stripper? Is she gonna be squirming around topless in a giant champange glass when she’s 50?
She’s planning on copying EVERY facet of Bettie Page’s life, so should be slipping into obscurity very soon and beginning her wait to die in 40 years.
Funny how a woman who takes her clothes off for a living is considered a fashion icon. But, she’s got good taste even if it’s a bit too retro for me.
Also, celebrities don’t slip into obscurity like they used to. They just turn themselves into ‘brands’ and sell crap to a gullible public.
I hope so, CD. She seems like the kind of woman who can keep her looks up that long. Except maybe in the hands—but leave it to Dita to bring gloves back.
she looks great. love the dress. if age makes one better then what is the big deal you freaks? there are girls in their early 20s that would kill too look like dita, hell, most American girls dont hold a candle to Dita. they have muffin tops and wrinkly faces by 28. so suck it!
She looks like the bastard child of My little pony and a packet of skittles…
Don’t forget the Hamburglar.
Bwahahahahahahahahaha, soooo true.
“Taylor..TAYLOR!! I gained 30 lbs in a month too!!”
At what point did she look in a mirror and decide she had any hope of pulling off wearing a neckline like that?
And I’m just going to say it…her titties look greasy
Greasy titties > dry titties > hairy titties
Duuude, where’d you get that tank top? No way! You made it yourself?!
This should take everyone’s mind off forcible sodomy of children.
She’s the last of her kind. This chick makes a ton of money getting naked and actually is respected around the world.
Someone needs to get her IBS back to normal.. Activia STAT!
“If you don’t stop taking pictures of me, i’m gonna throw this here lump of my shit, wrapped in toilet paper, right at your face.”
she looks like she is taking a dump or atleast prepping to take one. just once i would like to see her look like she is from this planet.
Miley Cyrus in 10 years.
Maybe 2.
“Ah, man. Dave’s gonna be late. Fuckin’ faggo…oh…sorry Zach.”
Even her labia are pumped with muscle.
I would imagine that’s what it’s like going down on Khloe Kardashian.
+1
Epic. +1
Best Ever!
What do you mean?…Khloe isn’t a redhead.
Her chin is soooo big, Rumer Willis called her “Jay Leno.”
it’s not that big.
Right, nothing wrong with that chin, or any other part of her, for that matter. Rumer’s a fine one to complain.
I would point out she has a serious bitchface, but few of you are even looking at her head.
“Yes, tilt your head back, open your mouth and the key thing is not to flinch when the first spurt hits your face.”
Raise your non-dominant hand if you masturbated to her in the 80′s.
Never once found her sexually attractive. Even the bare boobs in Trading Places were a disappointment…big, but saggy and huge plate nipples.
Not even in True Lies?
nope…she was very fit, but her body does not excite me. Too long in the torso, and her face looks like a tranny.
That’s stupid McFeely. I don’t know why that comment struck me as so fucking stupid. But it did.
Hell yes…her body in True Lies. McFeely is lying.
McFeely talks a good one, considering he’s never even been with a woman.
I will always cherish her from True Lies and Trading Places.
Don’t forget “A Fish Called Wanda”
I’m going to declare a corollary to McFeely’s law (look it up) in reference to the trope “If you don’t find woman ‘x’ attractive, you are gay/virgin/both”.
“Antonio…your jaw is so strong…I’d like to cast you as an alien in Star Wars Episode 7.”
“So sorry, Antonio. I thought you was a bobble-head doll.”
“Please take the picture…can’t…keep…mouth…closed…”
I’m not Waldo, but I know where he is. He’s in my pants. Want to find him?
She needs some hair gel.
Are sideless t-shirts back in style? AWESOME!!! I’m digging out the box marked “1986 fashion mistakes” when I get home! I’ve really missed the feeling of sweat trickling all the way from pit to waist.
Never thought we would see women striving to look like Ice-T’s wife Coco, I hope it’s not a trend.
This is why I don’t want to go to New Zealand.
False. NZ don’t want him.
“Her chest is almost flat enough for me to pretend I’m with man”
“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just thinking about the basement I built behind my shed,” said the guy in the background.
Every time I see this guy it reminds me of a guy who I used to work with. He is a cunt.
I don’t know, but shit that made me laugh.
No Kesha that’s not a penis