Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed which is exciting today, because we get to introduce our new intern! (Pending his acceptance of our compensation package including: Unlimited access to Jon Hamm penis photos, daily emotional and/or sexual abuse by Fish, and Kardashian swag) Aside from the man whose name could double for HBO’s programming robot, we’ve also got Reese Witherspoon joining the growing list of Hollywood moms doing it better than Jessica Simpson, and Jim Sturgess who only brought condoms and Zima to this event to warn kids of the dangers of talking to strangers online.
What does the fact that this made me squeal with joy say about me?
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
I love that dumper of hers. I can’t help it.
Sploosh
Definitely looks like it hit the water HARD.
Denim is truly amazing–2900 psi and the presence of a strong acid and that shit is STILL holding up.
Thank you, THANK YOU for not elaborating on the nature of that acid! I don’t think my stomach could handle MORE abuse…
The Chateau Marmont must be a portal to hell… or a gateway to an alternative universe populated by cokeheads, D-list celebrities and douchebags.
That looks like the worst Woody Allen movie ever.
Well he almost kept a straight face, which is more than I could have done.
I’d like to order two more GI Joe Combat Fatigue outfits, a GI Joe Space Suit, and a GI Joe Scuba Suit. No, thank you…I’ve already got plenty of the Sailor Outfits!
“I need to see your money first … uh, Jonah, was it?”
$20 says that he thinks he’s in the movie.
Seen just before he leaned backwards 90 degrees to dodge the bullet in ‘bullet time’.
Photographer: “It’s just a poster, Mr. Reeves…”
Keany: “Oh? Huh… huh…”
***falls on his ass***
Checked the calendar, still only the 25th.
“Excuse me, excuse me ma’am, ma’am, your ass is about to fall off.”
I understand the uglier they are the freakier the sh!t they’re willing to do:
Exhibit A
“Today we lost actor Jared Leto after he fell of the balcony of 20th floor of the Chateau Marmont. Eyewitnesses claim he was standing on the balcony posing like a jackass for a Terry Richardson photoshoot, when Lindsay Lohan burst through the door saying Mitt Romney promised to appoint her Secretary of State when he gets elected.”
“A wave of apathy has swept the nation in reaction to the news.”
They’d be a joyous reaction if, in your story, Lohan also bought it.
Just off screen is her agent with a lip-and-tit pump in his pocket.
Evidently, someone at the KKK design meeting didn’t quite get how Where’s White Waldo? works.
I liked her better chunky.
Mischa aint looking too bad here…
It’s almost winter…she’d better take a few pounds of air pressure out of those babies for better traction!
Getting a head start on fundraising for “Movember”, or just likes looking like a pedophile?
I’ve never heard an article of clothing scream before. But those jeans…
I don’t know who this is, but I hate him already.
By day, he’s an actor. But at night, he’s all 70′s FBI agent….
or just lives up here in Alaska with all the other flashbacks.
He DOES know that’s not a real gun being pointed at him, right?
Nice Spielberg costume!
Mischa: “Yeah, the exact opposite thing happened to me…I gained about 6 pounds once, but then it all fell off plus some…isn’t that funny?”
Jonah: “@#$ you!”
It does look like he’s signaling the sniper to shoot her in the left knee.
“Damn it, Ben. You left the rubber in me. AGAIN”
Harry Krueger and the Curse of the Sorcerer’s Stoned
Double-bagger.
Primates in human apparel never fail to amuse me.
I was going to deliver my patented “I would dive head first into that” comment only to reconsider after seeing all her lady parts are covered in spikes. Well played.
Just a little farther back, Jared.
What was that noise?
Did you tell Jennifer where we were?
Watch out for rogue punches in the eye.
Oh man, you just *know* this guy can breakdance like nobody’s business.
Oh, PLEASE God, let whoever is holding that gun in the movie poster behind him pull the trigger!
Something tells me Kim Kardashian hates her.
Truly a sublimely beautiful ass , as opposed to the Cubist painting that Kardasian exhibits
Turd!
Has sex with Phoebe Cates. Nuff said.
Lucky bugger humps in stereo.
i see what you did there. And it’s brilliant.
My dreams are starting to come true in two dimensional glory.
Lopsided tits, trashy roots, and a bored expression…she’s got the whole package.
“You ask me if I love you … it’s Titomatic!”
Damn! I don’t blame her for getting those fake boobs. I mean, a butterface’s gotta do what a butterface’s gotta do.
Bring the motorcar around. I wish to take a delightful jaunt in the countryside.
Those look real…
Stop playing like me!
Reminding myself to pick up pancake syrup on the way home.
She’s better suited for IHOP than Lingerie London.
I’d still like to “Splash” her!
Yea, me too!
“Is she talking again? Oh god! I am pretty sure she is talking again… Just stay cool Jonah, it will all be worth it when she is begging for the whole 2 inches…. I like pie.”
Mmm… boobs and hips. They’re like nature’s chin distractors.
It saddens me when hookers resort to this… “Anybody?, Anybody? I’ll do you right here!…”