Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m not sure anything is going to beat a severely hung-over and/or sedated Nic Cage flying coach with some overly enthusiastic Season of the Witch fan, but I’ll give it the old college try. That means drunk by noon and paying an Asian kid to do my chem labs, right? Anyway, today we’ve got Salma Hayek touching a penisy object, looks like Liev Schreiber just spotted the Cash Cab, and we’re all going to have to keep an eye on this kid. The Del Toro genes are strong with this one.
Who says heroin doesn’t run in the family?
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Where can I buy one of those PEZ dispensers????
There are several ways how not to hold a child. She’s got them all covered.
Also, “fashion designer” has officially become standard Wikipediaish for “unproductive adult female living off daddy’s royalties”.
What a coincidence. Today I took a poop and it was cornish too!
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
braaaaaaaaap!
As funny as that picture of Bratt is, I can’t stop staring at the smelling-my-own-farts guy.
Good for her, she looks happy and pretty good!
Wouldn’t mind Teigen her back to my room!
[I know... feel free to vote that one down]
Doesn’t anyone else notice his tie and that it has some little piglets sporadically killing some other yellow animals on it. Very, very strange, indeed.
If I got seated next to Nick Cage on a plane I would probably just keep making “Con Air” references until he asked to be moved.
Isn’t this the scene where he takes his head off and it’s actually a bomb?
Here take it, don’t tell your mother
He just pulled that out from behind a paparazzi’s ear. Ta-da!
This is how you ask for a hand job when you don’t speak the local language.
Naturally I called the fire department Ms. Hayak. I mean, you’re smokin’. – Me, moments before “closing the deal”.
Why am I just positive that mustache smells like Janis Joplin?
I’m sorry I’m late. I got stuck behind Brooke Shields.
Check it out…exploding pine cone app.
I want to live in a universe where he voices the Geico gecko.
She’s also too rich.
She looks like she’d be fun to wrestle with.
Skeet Ulrich, the stinkiest of all photo-bombers.
I knew it was Gaga because no one was looking at her tits.
fucking irs. fucking southwest. that has to be what he’s thinking
That duff could be a little more hillary for my tastes.
“I don’t think I’m up to this”, said the fun-house mirror.
You know, I never really thought about this, and I’m not even trying to be funny. She must have a crazy-wide cooter as well.
Never saw the video? I thought she had a pretty pussy.
I believe her tectonic plates have shifted quite a bit since then.
Valet #1 – “I would tap that.”
Valet #2 – “I just did.”
Is she going as the Heisman trophy for Halloween?
So Posh and Sporty had a baby…
She’s already done so much for breast awareness.
She even has two chins on her chest!
Is that Jesse Spencer on the right? The dude from House?
Sure is. Jesse is in the new show – Chicago Fire with Taylor Kinney (the other dude in the photo) who has the dubious honour of being Gaga’s “special friend”
Looks like McGyver performed his own plastic surgery with a shoelace and the pull tab from a beer can
See Depp, after my 3 hours on a tanning bed, I can play an Indian too!
Leaving Las Vegas—in Coach.
That’s HIGH PRAISE!
“My favorite part of Christmas? The 8 Maids-a-Milking, of course!”
Jesus these maid jokes NEVER get old.
In other news, Justin Beiber startled his fans when he unexpectedly started to masturbate during a concert
It’s not gay if it’s a three way.
GET OFF THE LANE BITCH!!!
yeah get off the lane bitch!!!!
I can’t believe thirty thousand people don’t just all start laughing when he walks out on stage.
Let alone when he trying to adjust his wee wee winky!!
He does this every time a black person walks up to him.
Santa drops a little acid this time of year to loosen up before the season. Then he starts growing his beard and beats his elves to get ready.
Who needs to MacGyver shit when you’ve got one of these things.
Girls got nipples everywhere.
This picture would have been better if she had worn a shirt with a picture of his face on it.
Is Andrew Zimmerman there to try eating her pussy?
Big.
Fred Willard’s working again?
I never thought nose-fucking was possible till now