Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m not sure anything is going to beat a severely hung-over and/or sedated Nic Cage flying coach with some overly enthusiastic Season of the Witch fan, but I’ll give it the old college try. That means drunk by noon and paying an Asian kid to do my chem labs, right? Anyway, today we’ve got Salma Hayek touching a penisy object, looks like Liev Schreiber just spotted the Cash Cab, and we’re all going to have to keep an eye on this kid. The Del Toro genes are strong with this one.
Who says heroin doesn’t run in the family?
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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Peek-’o-boob.
She pregnant……right?
Well, if anyone’s going to have the first ass-baby in human history…
All joking aside, she’s quite adorable.
Beautiful woman, hot figure!!!
The DMV is going to take away your driver’s license if they find out you’ve lost your eyesight.
My nipples are twice as old as Lindsay Lohan, and yet, twice as perky.
Call me.
Wow! An app that morphs you into Fred Willard!
Where do i get that app? I love Fred Willard !
Throw in a pitchfork and you’ve got American Gothic.
The bottom half of that dress looks like a whoopie cushion. Don’t pull that finger.
So, his new agent’s plan for reviving his carreer is to go to as many openings & events as he can until someone recognizes him and gives him a job… how does the Johnny Depp/John Meyer costume fit in?
Actually I was about to compliment him on a safe choice of dark conservative colors, no bedazzling, no SCARF.
He must have come straight from a funeral.
http://www.thesuperficial.com/photos/the-most-important-people-on-the-internet-volume-2-37/the-superficial-comments-0908-10
“Hello, Death. Here’s money, now go away”
I know airlines will ship human remains, but they usually don’t put them in a seat.
“They somehow managed to get every creep and freak in the universe onto this one plane. And then somehow managed to let them take it over. And then somehow managed to stick us right smack in the middle.”
She looks good here, the fivehead is well disguised.
Poor guy…you know he’s trying to focus his eyes long enough to see if that chick really is as ugly as she seems.
“O’Neal to Stargate Command! They’re out of shrimp puffs! Open the iris and get us the hell out of here!”
so Biebs just jerks his dick and pukes on stage now? How is it I’m not famous?
I know. When did he turn into G G Allen?
McFeeley…when did you puke on stage?
3rd grade winter pagent.
ummm… your girdle is FAILING.
Horrible cunt. There, I said it.
“Here’s five bucks…now go remind people I’m still alive”
Wow, she looks quite presentable. For the country fair moo cow 600 to 800 lbs division.
pssst….I have a secret….I pee standing up.
“…but I haven’t figured out yet how to get it to go into the toilet.”
“Whooo do aye calllll to say de es-cal-a-TOR is not working?”
As god is my witness, I thought he was dead.
This photo isn’t particularly convincing either.
Dammit! Even without makeup and in frumpy clothes she is still gorgeous!
Hate to shatter your special moment, Bionic, but… she’s wearing make-up for a few of us.
She is still pretty though!
My mistake. She still looks amazing.
shouldn’t these two be at the screening of Seven Psychopaths?
Well, no. That would make Nine.
She really has a white woman’s ass, doesn’t she…
I’d have serious questions if it were otherwise.
I’ve got that sinking feeling that we’re only a few months away from her posing nude in Playboy to prove that she’s still sexy.
Spoiler: she’s not.
MacGyver may be getting old, but he built that thing out of some rubber bands, an old lcd display, and a 9volt battery…AND he has the new iPhone.
*rimshot*
Anyone else remember when he played a doctor on “General Hospital?”
hahahah!
Dr Jeff Weber. His wife was a nutbar!
And by ‘Nightlife’, they literally mean nocturnal forest dwelling animals.
damn, I don’t remember…what kills the children of the corn?
You mean children of the weed, right?
“*whew* Thank god all the puking didn’t manage to loosen the super glue on my fake penis.”
It’s Victoria Principal’s new “Hooker Wear” line.
Yep. That hair and her “modified” face practically make her a dead ringer. Good call!
Shiny.
…And I’m not talking about the dress.
I think he thought the paparazzi needed some food money. I mean they are taking photos of Larry King.
“…well, frankly it tasted kind of greasy…just like you’d expect from looking at him”
Yes please.
park my car and take this fiver you scallywag!
Benny Hill is still alive?
Note to self: Make a hoodie with a picture of Kelly Brook on it.
Not shown: Jennifer Aniston standing in front of her shouting, “Homely, my tight ass! Karma’s a bitch, Kim.”
diabeetus
“Off with her head,” said King Henry the VIII.
“Can you believe that I played the girl and Hillary Swank played the girl that pretended to be a guy?”
“Hey Salma! Put the hose down and slide down my pole! OH!”
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :drool,slurp,snort: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..
Kind of reminds me of that old country song: “I’ve never gone to bed with any ugly women, but I’ve sure woke up with a few”.
Elisabeth Shue has really let herself go.
Club so hard muthafuckers wanna stake me…
Okay, she’s dull, but that seems a bit harsh.
The brother that Wilford Brimley never talks about.