Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m not sure anything is going to beat a severely hung-over and/or sedated Nic Cage flying coach with some overly enthusiastic Season of the Witch fan, but I’ll give it the old college try. That means drunk by noon and paying an Asian kid to do my chem labs, right? Anyway, today we’ve got Salma Hayek touching a penisy object, looks like Liev Schreiber just spotted the Cash Cab, and we’re all going to have to keep an eye on this kid. The Del Toro genes are strong with this one.
Who says heroin doesn’t run in the family?
- Photo Boy
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That hat is for 80 year old women going to midnight mass.
Is it a beret?
“Who—ohhh, breasts,” said the entire Internet.
Daddy said this was what you did with your mouth to get your last movie part.
Wow, Lovely
Dude at the top of the bleachers pretty much sums it up.
He’s the Director.
Baby Boomers, meet the people who are going to pay for your pension. Hah!
That fact pisses them off to no end.
the kids or the baby boomers?
The boomers, of course. The kids aren’t thinking that far ahead.
Pretty good color for a 33 Ford street rod.
I see a maid twinkling in his eyes.
The guy in the back has no interested in being behind her. Not one bit.
MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I am the Walrus…… Kooku Ka Choo!
Thumbs down. It’s Goo goo g’ joob. “Koo koo ka choo” is from Mrs. Robinson.
Reminder : The Walking Dead is back this Sunday!
Should she be standing beside some dude playing a card game with James Bond?
If only I could figure out some way to pre-empt every by now tired-ass microphone-blowjob line that we all know so definitely will be showing up here.
Black/white microphone boner blowjob joke
Yeah, that sucker had legs.
Well, I don’t blame you. In fact, you should be proud. It’s only a really good horse that people want to beat to death….uhhh, I guess that’s not the analogy I want, but I think you know what I mean.
We’re not in Stargate anymore Carter, lose the sir!
She got her hair done like Sarah Jessica Parker. Well, that should help.
I don’t care that that dress looks like a sequined potato sack. I’d wear the fuck out of it.
Yeah, but you’d probably make it look like, y’know, not a potato sack.
I’m bad with compliments.
Nah, the shape of that dress looks like it flatters no one. But it’s totally sparkly so who cares?
but she’s too skinny. I guarantee you would look better, or anyone who doesn’t puke five times a day.
I just know that the reverse-angle shot says “Wide Load.”
What a ridiculous person!
Always check you’ve got your mouth before leaving the house
Yes, I’d like to rent a car with ample seat room, please.
And by “performing,” you mean “grabbing his dick.”
Hmm. Not bad. Not bad at all.
“Ready? One… Two…three!” ( together): “MOST PEOPLE DON’T THINK YOU’RE THAT PRETTY, MOM!!”
“If Alicia Silverstone were my mom, she’d know what to do!”
Ermagerd, blerjerb.
It’s the ghost of rock’n'roll past.
David Crosby is one of the “Rock’n'Roll Gods.”
He needs to make more prank calls. ‘Where is your mother?’ That always cracks me up.
So, turns out my husband is into helping children too…well, helping himself to the little whores he works with, I mean.
Dude is ripped
LET’S DO THE TIMEWARP AGAIN!
Ha ha! She DOES look like Tim Curry !
What’s wrong with that boobie?
It’s all covered up by clothes and stuff.
Naomi Watts is still breastfeeding apparently.
He hasn’t given a tip since he told Noah to keep dry
It’s like she has Nicole Kidman’s forehead. All over.
Haha, that guy’s got a funny hat on.
Someone in this picture will wake up tomorrow with a rash on his neck. Someone else will wake up with a rash on his penis. Try to guess who (you may be surprised)!
Hmm..I’m guessing Lady Gaga gets the cock rash..call it a hunch.
The old man in the background seems completely oblivious to the fact that Nick Cage is in that flight. Coincidently, so does Nick.
The leaked pick from his laptop looks a bit like this, but less clothes and from the front. Spoiled your dinner didn’t I?
That picture wasn’t him. The person in that picture had an innie belly button, but Beiber has an outie belly button. Just for the record, I didn’t know that fact myself. The fine commenters over at Gawker picked up on that detail, as well as others.
This “guy” is upset about his PG-13 sex tape might ending up, well, everywhere?
Her ass has a pituitary problem.
thick
I have newfound respect for her Photoshop team.
God, can you imagine this in 15 more years.
A fat ass Kris Jenner.
No, but that’s because I really don’t want to…
Rollupah! Rollupah! See the Amaaazing Blonde Giant!
Ok fine. You already got ripped off buying those concert tickets so I’ll leave you alone about, well, everything.
I’m 51 and I’ve got a better hairline than this chick.
Mr. Freeze is slowly turning into the Heat Miser. Mother Nature really is a bitch.
My joke involves making a beard out of a phone, cause he’s MacGyver. But….I don’t care.
Didn’t this guy used to be hot? No. Wait. Wrong question. Didn’t we used to give a crap about this guy?
His breath smells of mint and springtime.
Or maybe sulfur and decay.