Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m not sure anything is going to beat a severely hung-over and/or sedated Nic Cage flying coach with some overly enthusiastic Season of the Witch fan, but I’ll give it the old college try. That means drunk by noon and paying an Asian kid to do my chem labs, right? Anyway, today we’ve got Salma Hayek touching a penisy object, looks like Liev Schreiber just spotted the Cash Cab, and we’re all going to have to keep an eye on this kid. The Del Toro genes are strong with this one.
Who says heroin doesn’t run in the family?
- Photo Boy
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I wish all girls were that cool with it.
“You say the black dicks are this way? Thanks.”
titties
“Okay, so, its this way to the black penis?”
Just wait right there kids. The lockers you’ll be shoved into will be along shortly.
She looks like my dad
I know this is gonna seem forward of me, but I’d kinda like to take your dad to dinner.
I farted one time on the set of blue lagoon!
That’s a much bigger hose than what her old French bazillionaire husband gives her every night.
Are her teeth winking at me?
“Five dollars for a foot-long? I remember when you could get a blue-plate special AND a cup of coffee for just 75 cents. What’s happened to this country?”
Self-adhesive tape… you’re doing it wrong.
Isn’t almost all tape “self-adhesive”?
He’s been using ace bandage and elmer’s.
I think you mean double sided tape.
Indiana Jones and the Greasiest C-lister
That dress is glued on.
Because it has very very little to hang on to.
That thing should not have left the closet. I mean the dress, that is.
better hairline than Arnold. I’ll give him that.
Yvan Eht Nioj
just re-realized that she actually blew some guy on film.
There’s usually a pendulum of regret when you film a sex act that’s predominantly felt by the female. This picture is but one of a series proving that the pendulum is swinging to the male side in this particular case.
Tired…from…being…so…intense.
NO, NICK IS BACK!
I’ll answer that question…for your phone number.
Demonstrating the “Brown Bunny” audition.
Are they selling John Mayer costumes for Halloween now? Oh wait…I mean Johnny Depp.
GF gave him the Tijuana Super Crabs.
“So hot, want to touch the hiney”
~6 months from now, she’s gonna damned hot.
I feel silly having to point this out, but she’s already hot.
I wouldn’t mind being AManDat’sTapping that.
©1997
See. Lookie here. I used to be somebody.
All this can be yours if you’ll help grandpa empty his colostomy bag!
MOO
Lovely girl, shame about the rogue nipple
Aaaaand let the ’90s retro-chic phase begin.
Honey go get some Crest Whitening Strips!
Nice to see your nips can still get hard!
Kids, they’re like airbags for bicycles
I would love to see a staring contest between her and Winona Ryder. It would be like the ending scene in Clash of the Titans.
I think she’s married to my Rabbi!
A picture of femininity.
Why is he famous again????
He was the only one from 21 JumpStreet to go on to do anything worth noticing.
His “career” followed Johnny Depp’s on 21 Jump street, now he just follows Johnny Depp on the street. Old habits die hard.
McFeely has gone through 4 separate VHS cassettes and now 3 DVDs of If Looks Could Kill.
I was also a big fan of “Marker”
No baby, I don’t need Viagra to get it up. Just give me some chewing gum and a rubber band.
Wow he’s like the Air Jordan logo come to life!
Guarantee he missed….
I think she just realized that this isn’t the one from Home Alone.
Little long in the forehead but pretty cute.
Now there’s a figure-hugging dress if I’ve ever seen one.
So in this Blue Crush sequel, she plays a mermaid…?
Rumer has it she has a dick…..
A dick? Rumer has it.
How does Tom Cruise feel about teeth whitening, I wonder.
And then I was like “Holy shit, what did I just put on my head?!?”
Judging by the reactions from the guys on the bench, he better practice that practice shot in private.
DAMN! . . .better practice that jump shot in private . . .
Better private that jump practice in shot, young padawan.
Is that nipple???
Given Fish’s raging hard-on for her, I’m genuinely surprised we see her so rarely here.
Tape malfunction.
Trying Way. Too. Hard.
What exactly would not trying at all look like, by comparison?
“I KNOW! Right!?”