Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m not sure anything is going to beat a severely hung-over and/or sedated Nic Cage flying coach with some overly enthusiastic Season of the Witch fan, but I’ll give it the old college try. That means drunk by noon and paying an Asian kid to do my chem labs, right? Anyway, today we’ve got Salma Hayek touching a penisy object, looks like Liev Schreiber just spotted the Cash Cab, and we’re all going to have to keep an eye on this kid. The Del Toro genes are strong with this one.
Who says heroin doesn’t run in the family?
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would check for lumps.
The hell??
I think her structural integrity is failing.
That’s all the integrity she has left.
I’d fuck her in a heart beat! and you assholes on here would too, your gay if you wouldn’t
*you’re
Or you could just put a bag over your head and give your camel toe a rest.
she needs more carrying hors d’oeuvre tray for any kind of party.
Mr. Cage, I was the star of “Lifeforce.” Would you mind taking a picture with me?
Sure I cheated on my wife a million times, but at least I still look better than Nicolas Cage…so SUCK it!
Hey! It’s Gerard Depardieu and Robert Reich!
That’s Robert Reich only if he’s standing in the seat.
(“I’ll take ‘Riffing on Obscure Political Figures’ for $1000, Alex.”)
Hey! Debbie Rowe found another celebrity to get close to. Good for her.
In my thong big boy!
Wow…I can’t believe I was lucky enough to get a picture of Justin Bieber grabbing his penis! The tabloids will pay MILLIONS for this!
Go on – McGiver yourself out of this one…
Guy in KASOTC sweatshirt: “Hey! You’re getting sperm all over my neck.”
“Look at dis, Salma Hayak’s playing with my hose….HARF HARF HARF”
I bet these two kids are fun to chat with.
Nicolas Cage shows off how much he tips a valet.
Oh yeah, he is hammered.
For some reason, I’m thinking of the show “Walking Dead”. Or maybe just the title. Dunno why.
Which Lord of the Rings character is this?
I believe he’s an elf known as “Liverfail”.
He won’t be back.
My penis just inverted.
Guy behind her:
“Those are some horribly stained teeth.”
Fireman in blue shirt: “You keep her distracted with all the hose jokes, I’ll sneak my iPhone down just a LITTLE bit lower and get some upskirt shots!”
You can smell the bad parenting through the screen.
There needs to be quotes around “performing” in that caption…
There needs to be quotes around “penis” in maggiore’s comment…
I can’t believe I outlived Mr. GreenJeans and that stupid moose with all those ping pong balls.
A whole 3 inches off the ground.
I just watched Kick Ass last night and he was actually quite enjoyable. And I wanna be the purple haired girl when I grow up.
I’m pretty sure you already are that purple-haired girl, kimmy. Except with tits.
I loved that movie. Surprisingly bleak at the end though, didn’t you find?
cc: Yeah, at the end I was like, well, damnit! But it really was surprisingly enjoyable and a lot of fun! I might actually even watch the sequel when it comes out.
TF: aw, you are too kind. ;o)
Oh, kimmy. You know I’ll take any opportunity to praise you. And your tits.
Kimmy, you already talk like hitgirl, only with a little more profanity
The dresses keep getting skimpier in order to distract from the face. But that never quite seems to work, does it?
Look, I took your three bobby pins, a stick of gum, and an old newspaper and made this iPhone 5!
Betcha Maps works on it, too.
I would leave some marks…
That one, officer! The one on the left! He’s definitely the one!
Atrocious color but I’ll let it slide ’cause sweet, sweet baby Jesus, she looks damn hot.
i think that’s breast cancer awareness color at a breast cancer awareness event, so i think that also helps it slide.
It certainly makes me aware of her breasts.
Add some more trashy tattoos and it is a white Rhianna.
You’re saying it like it’s a bad thing. Some of us need trashy women in our lives.
Hahaha, thumbs up! Damn thumbs don’t work.
And as you can see, it’s ridged. For my pleasure.
Time to photoshop myself into position…
I can’t blame these guys too much. I’d buy a lapdance from her, too.
That bag (the actual purse, assholes.) Want. Now.
Is that one of those $10,000 Birkin bags? Would you still settle for these?
[img]http://www.crystalhighheels.com/images/Pigalle%20Pumps/pigalle-pumps-1.jpg[/img]
Adding: Yeah, I know what Birkin bags are. So I watched “Sex & the City.” Shut up.
Settle for those?! I’d fuckin DIE for those!
Shit, the shoes are not my fave, but that bag is fucking fantastic. love it.
Those shoes are so fine.
The bag is also excellent. A bag that size can carry a lot of …baggage.
I’d fall on my face in those.
But I wonder if I can put spikes on my current footwear…
Obviously not related to Larry.
What are you talking about? That’s his ninth wife!
Jackin it in…Vancouver.
Racist.
Once again, showing off her three hour glass figure.
They sell that dress at Sears.
Look at the photo shop job on her left side. Photobomb touch up!
Strange but True: Cameron Diaz is seven years younger. YOUNGER. What I’m saying is Elizabeth Hurley made a deal with the devil and that gave us Bedazzled and her unaging body.
If she really made a deal with the devil BEFORE Bedazzled, it would have been a better movie. Not that she didn’t make a deal afterwards, but I’m surprised the devil wasn’t pissed at how lame it was compared to the original.
Old Satan seems to have taken his revenge on poor Harold Ramis instead.
That party must have been a hoot.
After all, they wereattending the “Nightlife” Awards! Woooo-hooo!!
I realize I’ve never heard Arnold speak German
He’s Austrian.
Austrians speak German you douche.
Yeah, whoever gave Deacon the 5 button should take it back and/or put it in the fail column.
She has achieved full flatness. The next goal is to curve inwards.
People kept telling her to re watch Blue Crush so she could see what she should ideally look like. This dummy thought they were talking about the surf board.
“Smoke’em if you got ‘em!”
He looks terrific.
Clearly what this photo shows us is that Hugh Grant is dumber than any other human being out there.
Coke in my nose! Coke in my nose! Coke! Coke! Coke in my nose!
damn bitch you be stupid fly
~ and that concludes another episode of “Great Moments in Black Men Picking Up White Women”