The Crap We Missed – Monday 9.17.12

September 17th, 2012 // 833 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, where we take a weekend’s worth of celebrity nonsense and transmute it into pure gold. It’s just like alchemy, only the gold is dick jokes. Anyway, today we’ve got Wilmer Valderrama showing us his swag bag of high tech gadgets that he will trade to teenagers for sex, while Dolph Lundgren opts for a much more direct approach, Victoria Beckham letting baby Harper know what’s will happen if that double chin isn’t gone by her first birthday, this vampire, who will know haunt your dreams for the next eternity or so, and finally, Mark-Paul Gosselaar‘s epic fail at Hamming (I told you).

Holy Cow! Is that a recognizable person in the Final Five? You’ll have to forgive me, it’s unusual is all..

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that what they call heroine chic?

  2. Amber Heard Butt Tight Jeans Mustang
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    looks awesome, even in bellbottoms!!

  3. Dolph Lundgren
    1NDUN
    Commented on this photo:

    Come on bitch, let’s get you pregnant.

  4. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Amish Gone Wild

  5. Kathy Griffin Groping Statue Creative Arts Emmys
    turdburgler
    Commented on this photo:

    She’ll Cut a Bitch!

  6. Nicki Minaj Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Black Barbie .. on acid.

  7. Lady Gaga Mickey Ears Michael Jackson Glove
    Commented on this photo:

    Bit late to be on The Mickey Mouse Club

  8. Eva Longoria Butt Tight Dress NCLR ALMA Awards
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    she does look good, but shes such a try hard…not necessary to wear a half transparent dress like that at her age.

  9. Eva Longoria Butt Tight Dress NCLR ALMA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    5 stars!

    [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/17/eva-longoria-ugly-340_359.jpg[/img]

  10. AnnaLynne McCord Nipples No Bra Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    I usually think shes kinda cute, but this is not a good shot!

  11. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Commented on this photo:

    Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of. And unto this, Conan, destined to wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow. It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga. Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!

  12. Kim Kardashian Khloe Kardashian Huge Butts Tight Pants
    InkyBlack
    Commented on this photo:

    μ

  13. Kim Kardashian Khloe Kardashian Huge Butts Tight Pants
    j to the r.o.c.
    Commented on this photo:

    from the back: your run-of-the-mill stringy-haired HOs who shoe-horn their flab into their ill-fitting outfits and cruise the mall…from the front: same

  14. Rumer Willis Cleavage Nipples No Bra
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    ugh that chin…..unfortunate! and what a tacky looking dress…looks like its from forever 21

  15. Kathy Griffin Groping Statue Creative Arts Emmys
    Commented on this photo:

    Mckayla Maroney in the background

  16. Kate Moss Nipples No Bra Tank Top
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Hard to believe she never looked after herself.

  17. Kate Moss Nipples No Bra Tank Top
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    woahhh she looks anchient!!!

  18. Malin Akerman Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    pretty! lovely smile!

  19. Padma Lakshmi Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    InkyBlack
    Commented on this photo:

    Mmm, squishy.

  20. Vanessa Hudgens Cleavage Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    homeless-chic. nothing new here!

  21. Joe Giudice Toy Gun Teresa Giudice Cleavage
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got her eye on the camera man.

  22. Rihanna Buttcheek Hole In Dress
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    Trashy skank

  23. Nicki Minaj Cleavage
    InkyBlack
    Commented on this photo:

    No wonder she’s grimacing if it was that big.

  24. Jeremy Davies Creative Arts Emmys
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a pity he’s not missing his front teeth, I mean, what the hell right?

  25. Tyra Banks No Make Up Jogging
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    wooooof

  26. Nicki Minaj Cleavage
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    frightening.

  27. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Commented on this photo:

    At the tryouts for the new “Annoying Guy With Beard” role in the new NFL football ads.

  28. Rumer Willis Cleavage Nipples No Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    chin nuts

  29. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Is Madame Tussard dialing it in for him now?

  30. Siegfried And Roy Holding Baby Oktoberfest
    Commented on this photo:

    Ja, I love wrapping this kleinkind in my lederhosen, as well as this outfit, ja.

  31. Olivia Munn Cleavage Tank Top
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    ewww those shoes!!

  32. Dania Ramirez Cleavage NCLR ALMA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does she even smile in a photograph? Has onyone even seen her face yet???

  33. Halle Berry Bikini Daisy Dukes
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    great back!

  34. Malin Akerman Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m so proud of my country, we stooped to stealing Scandinavia’s pretty women.

  35. Wayne Knight Newman Face
    Billebuoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Ummm, he shouldn’t be wearing pleats.

  36. Halle Berry Bikini Daisy Dukes
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks awesome! that chest!

  37. Victoria Beckham Harper Beckham
    RobN
    Commented on this photo:

    Finding out that her voice is still lower than Daddy’s.

  38. Mark-Paul Gosselaar Penis Wet Suit
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    “SHRINKAGE!! Ask Jerry! It’s just shrinkage!!”

  39. Rumer Willis Cleavage Nipples No Bra
    tom
    Commented on this photo:

    Bitch trying too hard…

  40. Halle Berry Bikini Daisy Dukes
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    agreed, THIS is what curvy looks like, toned and cellulite free…even in her 40s, she makes girls in their 20s look like pigs

  41. January Jones Son Xander With Black Nanny
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    “God damn paparazzi. Can’t a kid take a walk in this town? Jesus Christ.”

  42. Fiona Apple
    neen
    Commented on this photo:

    Fiona is the best angry woman!

  43. Kim Kardashian Khloe Kardashian Huge Butts Tight Pants
    Billebuoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Khloe definitely is looking so much better than the other one. Kim is one nasty mess. Nasty!

  44. Amber Heard Butt Tight Jeans Mustang
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    Lady, please. I don’t need my windows washed!

  45. Dolph Lundgren
    Bigalkie
    Commented on this photo:

    Are we witnessing a hostage taking?

  46. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    This is more disturbing than the Jonas Brothers.

  47. AnnaLynne McCord Nipples No Bra Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    RobN
    Commented on this photo:

    She goes from hot to not faster than any girl I’ve ever seen.

  48. Kim Kardashian Khloe Kardashian Huge Butts Tight Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    what a godawful, untalented mess this entire family is. no wonder we’re the laughingstock of the entire world: we give multimillion dollar empires to whores

  49. Siegfried And Roy Holding Baby Oktoberfest
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    It finally happened…I just thought of a joke too unspeakable to put on this site.

  50. Lady Gaga Mickey Ears Michael Jackson Glove
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey! It’s Gaga Mouse!

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