The Crap We Missed – Monday 9.17.12

September 17th, 2012 // 833 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, where we take a weekend’s worth of celebrity nonsense and transmute it into pure gold. It’s just like alchemy, only the gold is dick jokes. Anyway, today we’ve got Wilmer Valderrama showing us his swag bag of high tech gadgets that he will trade to teenagers for sex, while Dolph Lundgren opts for a much more direct approach, Victoria Beckham letting baby Harper know what’s will happen if that double chin isn’t gone by her first birthday, this vampire, who will know haunt your dreams for the next eternity or so, and finally, Mark-Paul Gosselaar‘s epic fail at Hamming (I told you).

Holy Cow! Is that a recognizable person in the Final Five? You’ll have to forgive me, it’s unusual is all..

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    It turns out everyone has been horribly unfair–it’s no mystery that a puppet needs a hand up its ass to come to life.

  2. Kate Moss Nipples No Bra Tank Top
    me
    Commented on this photo:

    is middle aged, blond lara croft a thing?

  3. Kat Von D Butt Crack Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    But no tramp stamp, ’cause that would look trashy.

  4. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Last time I say to ANYONE ‘Bet you a thousand bucks he’s the douchiest guy alive.’

  5. Joe Giudice Toy Gun Teresa Giudice Cleavage
    Doctor_Joystick
    Commented on this photo:

    They are the yin and yang of hairlines.oatmeal123

  6. Wilmer Valderrama NCLR ALMA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    It was all he needed to do. Moments later, the cameraman was naked, and Wilmer was balls deep. Best awards show I’ve ever shot, the photographer thought. ‘Best shot I’ve ever taken at an awards show,’ said Wilmer. And for a moment, all was right with the world.

  7. Halle Berry Bikini Daisy Dukes
    pipedreamer
    Commented on this photo:

    Do you know what happens to an internet troll when it’s struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

  8. Dania Ramirez Cleavage NCLR ALMA Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    A shorter pen might do the trick…

  9. Nicki Minaj Cleavage
    Animal
    Commented on this photo:

    Next for Nicki: conducting a mass shooting in a Colorado movie theater.

  10. Joe Giudice Toy Gun Teresa Giudice Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    why is he threatening to shoot that dude in the tit?

  11. Vanessa Hudgens Cleavage Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    ty
    Commented on this photo:

    speechless

  12. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Mary Feeney
    Commented on this photo:

    Mid-70′s, a few people dress in black and adopt a look that became known as “punk” to indicate a number of things, including their rejection of mindless conformity. Almost immediately, others began to mindlessly conform to the look. And here we are FOUR DECADES later and there are still tools mindlessly conforming to that look.

  13. Wayne Knight Newman Face
    ty
    Commented on this photo:

    creepy guy

  14. Kat Von D Butt Crack Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Kat von Don’t

    yuck

  15. Victoria Beckham Harper Beckham
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s about to pull a michael jackson and dangle her baby over the ledge

  16. Siegfried And Roy Holding Baby Oktoberfest
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit, he’s going to feed that baby to Kim Jong Il.

  17. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    thats his “im early for my massage” look.

  18. Joe Giudice Toy Gun Teresa Giudice Cleavage
    InkyBlack
    Commented on this photo:

    Muff Cabbage

  19. Kate Moss Nipples No Bra Tank Top
    Pickles Hightower
    Commented on this photo:

    Goofy looking bitch. 27 is most British women’s expiration date. NEXT.

  20. Jeremy Davies Creative Arts Emmys
    InkyBlack
    Commented on this photo:

    Award yourself some soap.

  21. Fiona Apple
    Commented on this photo:

    careful…if it touches the sides the buzzer goes off and you lose the game.

  22. Kat Von D Butt Crack Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    And slowly but surely, no one gave a shit.

  23. Jessica Biel Butt Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    (not seen in photo: Hitler making small talk with Jessica)

  24. Kim Kardashian Khloe Kardashian Huge Butts Tight Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Which is which?

    hah, I kill me…

  25. Shaun White Dumb Hat The Oranges Screening
    Fred
    Commented on this photo:

    Is Shaun in the picture? I don’t see him.

  26. Kat Von D Butt Crack Yoga Pants
    Pickles Hightower
    Commented on this photo:

    Saggy diaper?

  27. Johnny Galecki Creative Arts Emmys
    Commented on this photo:

    Roseanne started in the 80s and ended 15 years ago, change SOMETHING!

    • j to the r.o.c.

      what do you suggest? tats? earrings? a full d-bag ensemble (see the leto brothers)?

      • Turns out you can do a lot with hair. But how about just having a noticeable difference after 20 years, aside from aging. He could put on a flannel shirt and ripped jeans and look exactly the same.

        Though I guess 1992 WAS the height of his career, might as well ride the wave.

  28. Lake Bell Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    Commented on this photo:

    Somebody’s butt plug just slipped.

  29. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    JennywithaY
    Commented on this photo:

    What smells like shoe polish?

  30. Kim Kardashian Khloe Kardashian Huge Butts Tight Pants
    Jack Ketch
    Commented on this photo:

    MOO. To both.

  31. Rihanna Buttcheek Hole In Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    She just has no class…look, she’s so drunk her skirt is on sideways.

  32. January Jones Son Xander With Black Nanny
    Commented on this photo:

    “Eet’s OK, child, open your eyes. De bad lady be gone. Mama gotcha now.”

  33. Dolph Lundgren
    Commented on this photo:

    “I loved playing with He-Man when I was young.” – Things women should never say in front of Dolph Lundgren

  34. Amber Heard Butt Tight Jeans Mustang
    Snack pack
    Commented on this photo:

    A ’67 with original plates. How’d she score that?

    • BigOkie

      I’m thinkin’ being a millionaire doesn’t hurt…

      • Snack pack

        True, but original plates? That car has been in her family from the start. Being a millionaire is the reason it looks pristine (and still running considering it is a Ford).

      • Frank The Duck

        Actually in California the plates stay with the car when you sell it so it could have had 50 owners. Also – bad news – California allows you to put Black Plates on any car that was built during the years that they were issued – even if it is a rusty POS from Upstate New York.

        In other news a car like that can be bought for about $10,000- as it is a coupe and there are a ton of them around…

        Francis Drake is a car guy and has had lots of 60′s cars..

  35. Olivia Munn Cleavage Tank Top
    Bob
    Commented on this photo:

    She should have known they’d never let her into any place called “Extra Virgin”.

  36. Joe Giudice Toy Gun Teresa Giudice Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    PLEASE tell me that’s a real gun that he’s pulling the trigger on!?

  37. Rumer Willis Cleavage Nipples No Bra
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Check out my ring….it’s a Casioooo

  38. Tyra Banks No Make Up Jogging
    Commented on this photo:

    So she only sorta looked at the ark of the covenant? I thought you either did or didn’t. Huh. The things you learn on the internet.

  39. Victoria Beckham Harper Beckham
    Snack pack
    Commented on this photo:

    PB’s comment on this one is perfect.

  40. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Eric
    Commented on this photo:

    The worst part is that they probably paid a “stylist” to look that way.

  41. Lady Gaga Mickey Ears Michael Jackson Glove
    B&WMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    What I like about this outfit is everyone in the picture has four bars on their cellphone

  42. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Steve
    Commented on this photo:

    Another unfortunate side-effect of steroids: Cankles.

  43. Wilmer Valderrama NCLR ALMA Awards
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Read the Word….and the word is ‘oblivion’.

  44. Malin Akerman Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s some plus 2′s away from being a solid 8.

  45. Nicki Minaj Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    “Something something demographic, something something Black Rainbow Dash, something something ratings.”

    American Idol exec: Do it.

  46. Wayne Knight Newman Face
    InkyBlack
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice to see the dinosaur puke washed off.

  47. Lake Bell Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘The 2012 Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards’, geez, I can’t believe I left this event off my calendar.

  48. Nicki Minaj Cleavage
    B&WMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    I swear to God I looked under the passenger seat the other day and found the exact same thing

  49. Lady Gaga Mickey Ears Michael Jackson Glove
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok, ok, ok…stop me if you’ve heard this one…What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson, Mickey Mouse, and Madonna?

  50. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    nice helmet.

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