The Crap We Missed – Monday 9.17.12

September 17th, 2012 // 833 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, where we take a weekend’s worth of celebrity nonsense and transmute it into pure gold. It’s just like alchemy, only the gold is dick jokes. Anyway, today we’ve got Wilmer Valderrama showing us his swag bag of high tech gadgets that he will trade to teenagers for sex, while Dolph Lundgren opts for a much more direct approach, Victoria Beckham letting baby Harper know what’s will happen if that double chin isn’t gone by her first birthday, this vampire, who will know haunt your dreams for the next eternity or so, and finally, Mark-Paul Gosselaar‘s epic fail at Hamming (I told you).

Holy Cow! Is that a recognizable person in the Final Five? You’ll have to forgive me, it’s unusual is all..

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Kate Moss Nipples No Bra Tank Top
    Commented on this photo:

    Kate going braless is hardly shocking. Fact is, she’s been topless so much that if you haven’t seen her tits by now, you’ve never been on the Internet.

  2. Amber Heard Butt Tight Jeans Mustang
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder how her psychic reading went…I bet it was “your photo will appear on a website…where douchebags will say hurtful things about you”.

    Also, she looks kind of slutty…whoa! prophecy fulfilled!

  3. Mark-Paul Gosselaar Penis Wet Suit
    InkyBlack
    Commented on this photo:

    Camel Toe!

  4. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    SugarTits
    Commented on this photo:

    The guy behind him appears to be trying to burn a hole through the rug on John’s head, maybe he tried talking him into a massage.

  5. Fiona Apple
    ty
    Commented on this photo:

    see kids, this is what drugs do to you.

  6. Kat Von D Butt Crack Yoga Pants
    pipedreamer
    Commented on this photo:

    Do you think her father has noticed yet or is it time for ANOTHER tattoo?

  7. Mark-Paul Gosselaar Penis Wet Suit
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry little fella, but you are in for a nasty surprise.

  8. Dolph Lundgren
    rantatonne
    Commented on this photo:

    “For the last time I am not the ‘I’ll be back’ guy! We are leaving and tell your mistress I will NOT be back!!”

  9. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    No…I’m not believing that is not a new wax statue at madame tussauds. No way is that a real human.

  10. Victoria Beckham Harper Beckham
    SugarTits
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s adorabe.

  11. Joe Giudice Toy Gun Teresa Giudice Cleavage
    fuckface
    Commented on this photo:

    They are just doing amazing things trying to break the New Jersey Italian stereotype that has plagued their heritage for years. Finally someone who isn’t aver dramatic, pronounces Italian Food items correctly, and shows a grace and decorum when confronted. (watches 2 minuets of Housewives of NJ) AAAAAAHHHHH, fugget aboudit!

  12. Mark-Paul Gosselaar Penis Wet Suit
    SugarTits
    Commented on this photo:

    Pierce Brosnan did it better.

  13. Mark-Paul Gosselaar Penis Wet Suit
    me
    Commented on this photo:

    we want you in the USA army!

  14. Victoria Beckham Harper Beckham
    Commented on this photo:

    No woman is too young to stand in awe of Skarsgard.

  15. Malin Akerman Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice Malins

  16. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Mary Feeney
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like a remake of Deliverance.

  17. Rihanna Buttcheek Hole In Dress
    ty
    Commented on this photo:

    Rihanna, let me see it, let see it, bend over let see it.

  18. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    InkyBlack
    Commented on this photo:

    Who let these two out unattended?
    Jesus, they can’t even tie their shoes.

    • I'mCool

      The shoes have zippers allowing you to bypass the complicated tying/untying process. (They’re from the Corky “I Dressed Myself” collection.) Unfortunately, these two rocket surgeons can’t work zippers either.

  19. Victoria Beckham Harper Beckham
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mommy, why is daddy always scratching his dingy?”

    “Hush now, hold still while we get this implants in you”

  20. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    Animal
    Commented on this photo:

    Frightening!!!

  21. Tyra Banks No Make Up Jogging
    Tidbit
    Commented on this photo:

    Get back in the kitchen and make me some goddamn rice, Uncle Ben!

  22. Jeremy Davies Creative Arts Emmys
    B&WMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    And not one person thought it was condescending to dress the homeless up and give them ‘Awards’ made out of butter?

  23. January Jones Son Xander With Black Nanny
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘Aiieeeeeeee, it’s the sun!’

  24. January Jones Son Xander With Black Nanny
    SugarTits
    Commented on this photo:

    Voodoo scares me too.

  25. Mark-Paul Gosselaar Penis Wet Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    someone queue up that sad slide-whistle sound effect.

  26. January Jones Son Xander With Black Nanny
    Commented on this photo:

    “No! You have to believe me! Your mommy WILL come back for you….someday.”

  27. Wayne Knight Newman Face
    pipedreamer
    Commented on this photo:

    Helloooooooo, cumin!

  28. Padma Lakshmi Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    ty
    Commented on this photo:

    I like, MOAR

  29. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Commented on this photo:

    I think that’s Guiseppe Franco, Beverly Hills hair stylist (he was popular in the 80′s) and all around Douche Nozzle

  30. Mark-Paul Gosselaar Penis Wet Suit
    Animal
    Commented on this photo:

    With that package, I hope Helen is satisfied.

  31. January Jones Son Xander With Black Nanny
    Commented on this photo:

    I had something funny to say, but it’s really meanspiritedly racist.

    seriously, I hate white kids.

  32. AnnaLynne McCord Nipples No Bra Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    SugarTits
    Commented on this photo:

    She used to be so pretty, now she’s just a haggard mess.

  33. Kim Kardashian Khloe Kardashian Huge Butts Tight Pants
    pipedreamer
    Commented on this photo:

    “So when Lamar does me from behind I feel it in THIS cheek but when I’m on top it’s the other one..weird, huh?”

  34. Lady Gaga Mickey Ears Michael Jackson Glove
    ty
    Commented on this photo:

    Perfect, She wants to be mouse.

  35. Andy Cohen John Mayer
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Phew, I thought briefly Clooney was hanging with him.

  36. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Commented on this photo:

    You have no idea how brave these two are. In their culture, cameras have the power to steal souls.

  37. Lady Gaga Mickey Ears Michael Jackson Glove
    Tidbit
    Commented on this photo:

    Fashion week would be the most likely event to wear a sequined cock and balls sling.

  38. Tyra Banks No Make Up Jogging
    pipedreamer
    Commented on this photo:

    Congrats, Tyra on landing the lead role in the Marla Gibbs Story!

  39. Shaun White Dumb Hat The Oranges Screening
    SugarTits
    Commented on this photo:

    yum

  40. Joe Giudice Toy Gun Teresa Giudice Cleavage
    Animal
    Commented on this photo:

    Somebody nuke these fuckers, please.

  41. Nicki Minaj Cleavage
    pipedreamer
    Commented on this photo:

    Obviously hired by American Idol to make Mariah seem sane and logical.

  42. Rumer Willis Cleavage Nipples No Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    Jay Leno and Salma Hayek had a kid?

  43. Olivia Munn Cleavage Tank Top
    ty
    Commented on this photo:

    I knew I should have park my car myself and took the keys. valet must be really having fun hooning my brand new car.

  44. Jeremy Davies Creative Arts Emmys
    Animal
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s an impressive ‘stache, at least.

  45. Dania Ramirez Cleavage NCLR ALMA Awards
    LegMan
    Commented on this photo:

    I could stare at that for as long as it takes.

  46. Siegfried And Roy Holding Baby Oktoberfest
    Animal
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t one of them dead?

  47. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Commented on this photo:

    People are rioting in the middle east, and yet we STILL mock their prophet??

  48. Kathy Griffin Groping Statue Creative Arts Emmys
    B&WMinstrel
    Commented on this photo:

    Every time someone orders extra fries in a greasy spoon a Primetime Emmy Angel gets its wings

  49. Dania Ramirez Cleavage NCLR ALMA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Hah…it’s cute because she’s dumb.

  50. Olivia Munn Cleavage Tank Top
    pipedreamer
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently STILL waiting to be a star…should’ve worn more comfortable shoes, honey..it’s gonna be a while!

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