Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, where we take a weekend’s worth of celebrity nonsense and transmute it into pure gold. It’s just like alchemy, only the gold is dick jokes. Anyway, today we’ve got Wilmer Valderrama showing us his swag bag of high tech gadgets that he will trade to teenagers for sex, while Dolph Lundgren opts for a much more direct approach, Victoria Beckham letting baby Harper know what’s will happen if that double chin isn’t gone by her first birthday, this vampire, who will know haunt your dreams for the next eternity or so, and finally, Mark-Paul Gosselaar‘s epic fail at Hamming (I told you).
Holy Cow! Is that a recognizable person in the Final Five? You’ll have to forgive me, it’s unusual is all..
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Kate going braless is hardly shocking. Fact is, she’s been topless so much that if you haven’t seen her tits by now, you’ve never been on the Internet.
I wonder how her psychic reading went…I bet it was “your photo will appear on a website…where douchebags will say hurtful things about you”.
Also, she looks kind of slutty…whoa! prophecy fulfilled!
Camel Toe!
The guy behind him appears to be trying to burn a hole through the rug on John’s head, maybe he tried talking him into a massage.
see kids, this is what drugs do to you.
Drugs and batshit crazy, too. Don’t forget that.
I’ve got three grown children and a granddaughter. Drugs did that FOR me!
Do you think her father has noticed yet or is it time for ANOTHER tattoo?
Nice one!
Sorry little fella, but you are in for a nasty surprise.
“For the last time I am not the ‘I’ll be back’ guy! We are leaving and tell your mistress I will NOT be back!!”
No…I’m not believing that is not a new wax statue at madame tussauds. No way is that a real human.
They are just doing amazing things trying to break the New Jersey Italian stereotype that has plagued their heritage for years. Finally someone who isn’t aver dramatic, pronounces Italian Food items correctly, and shows a grace and decorum when confronted. (watches 2 minuets of Housewives of NJ) AAAAAAHHHHH, fugget aboudit!
She’s adorabe.
Pierce Brosnan did it better.
we want you in the USA army!
No woman is too young to stand in awe of Skarsgard.
Nice Malins
Rihanna, let me see it, let see it, bend over let see it.
Looks like a remake of Deliverance.
Who let these two out unattended?
Jesus, they can’t even tie their shoes.
The shoes have zippers allowing you to bypass the complicated tying/untying process. (They’re from the Corky “I Dressed Myself” collection.) Unfortunately, these two rocket surgeons can’t work zippers either.
“Mommy, why is daddy always scratching his dingy?”
“Hush now, hold still while we get this implants in you”
Frightening!!!
Get back in the kitchen and make me some goddamn rice, Uncle Ben!
And not one person thought it was condescending to dress the homeless up and give them ‘Awards’ made out of butter?
‘Aiieeeeeeee, it’s the sun!’
Voodoo scares me too.
someone queue up that sad slide-whistle sound effect.
“No! You have to believe me! Your mommy WILL come back for you….someday.”
Helloooooooo, cumin!
I like, MOAR
I think that’s Guiseppe Franco, Beverly Hills hair stylist (he was popular in the 80′s) and all around Douche Nozzle
You are correct, sir.
With that package, I hope Helen is satisfied.
I had something funny to say, but it’s really meanspiritedly racist.
seriously, I hate white kids.
She used to be so pretty, now she’s just a haggard mess.
Kellan Lutz took all the hotness when he left.
Pretty? She’s always had that face.
“So when Lamar does me from behind I feel it in THIS cheek but when I’m on top it’s the other one..weird, huh?”
Perfect, She wants to be mouse.
Phew, I thought briefly Clooney was hanging with him.
You have no idea how brave these two are. In their culture, cameras have the power to steal souls.
Fashion week would be the most likely event to wear a sequined cock and balls sling.
I see it too
Congrats, Tyra on landing the lead role in the Marla Gibbs Story!
yum
Somebody nuke these fuckers, please.
Obviously hired by American Idol to make Mariah seem sane and logical.
Jay Leno and Salma Hayek had a kid?
I knew I should have park my car myself and took the keys. valet must be really having fun hooning my brand new car.
It’s an impressive ‘stache, at least.
I could stare at that for as long as it takes.
Isn’t one of them dead?
No, the kid just wishes he was.
People are rioting in the middle east, and yet we STILL mock their prophet??
Every time someone orders extra fries in a greasy spoon a Primetime Emmy Angel gets its wings
Hah…it’s cute because she’s dumb.
Apparently STILL waiting to be a star…should’ve worn more comfortable shoes, honey..it’s gonna be a while!