The Crap We Missed – Monday 9.17.12

September 17th, 2012 // 833 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, where we take a weekend’s worth of celebrity nonsense and transmute it into pure gold. It’s just like alchemy, only the gold is dick jokes. Anyway, today we’ve got Wilmer Valderrama showing us his swag bag of high tech gadgets that he will trade to teenagers for sex, while Dolph Lundgren opts for a much more direct approach, Victoria Beckham letting baby Harper know what’s will happen if that double chin isn’t gone by her first birthday, this vampire, who will know haunt your dreams for the next eternity or so, and finally, Mark-Paul Gosselaar‘s epic fail at Hamming (I told you).

Holy Cow! Is that a recognizable person in the Final Five? You’ll have to forgive me, it’s unusual is all..

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Siegfried And Roy Holding Baby Oktoberfest
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    Gay German entertainers with a baby…Chick-Fil-A’s most undesired customers ever

  2. Kat Von D Butt Crack Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, here I go being the voice of dissent once again…Kat Von D has more ink than any human being should be allowed to have. But that aside, she’s actually very pretty. Hell, I’d even do her in daylight.

    [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/18/kat-von-d-290_290.jpg[/img]

  3. Vanessa Hudgens Cleavage Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait, are they making a movie about Jennifer Lopez’s Fly Girl years?

  4. Johnny Galecki Creative Arts Emmys
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    Counting his money in his head

    (Seriously, that cast is insanely well-paid)

  5. Dolph Lundgren
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, she’s got beautiful legs. I hope he wasn’t able to get between them. Unless it’s his wife, in which case, who gives a fuck?

  6. Jessica Biel Butt Dress
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes, I was the one who saw your Total Recall remake. High five!”

  7. Vanessa Hudgens Cleavage Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    Hi, Nessie, you cute little minx…come sit on Grandpa’s fa-…er…LAP!

  8. Fiona Apple
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d hate to have her yell at me!
    “Hey, Asshole, fuck me again. Only this time I want to cum 5 times!”

  9. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    mbcl
    Commented on this photo:

    zz top and zz bottom.

  10. Jessica Biel Butt Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Without seeing her fabulous fanny, I can’t even be sure that’s Jessica Biel. You know, Photoshop and all that…

  11. Dania Ramirez Cleavage NCLR ALMA Awards
    mbcl
    Commented on this photo:

    ” …..and could you also write the Gettysburg address ?”

  12. Shaun White Dumb Hat The Oranges Screening
    mbcl
    Commented on this photo:

    Doctor Why.

  13. Victoria Beckham Harper Beckham
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait, Suri’s dad says he’s straight?

  14. Dolph Lundgren
    Quijibo
    Commented on this photo:

    Leelee?

  15. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    One seemingly innocent request later and now guy behind him has pink eye. And a new watch.

  16. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    The smile says hello but the eyes say “OH GOD DON’T LOOK IN HIS EYES. OH MY LORD JESUS HELP ME. MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP.”

  17. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Staying Alive. Kind of.

  18. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere a yeti is missing the pubes from both the left and right side of it’s ball-sack.

  19. Johnny Galecki Creative Arts Emmys
    CJ
    Commented on this photo:

    He is a cutie & actually pushing 40….I’m in.

  20. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Brit
    Commented on this photo:

    And that’s where I go to troll Mexican housekeepers, Arnold.

  21. Kate Moss Nipples No Bra Tank Top
    Ghost
    Commented on this photo:

    She is morphing into Willam Dafoe

  22. Kat Von D Butt Crack Yoga Pants
    Bouncy Castle
    Commented on this photo:

    Such a classy bird.

  23. Amber Heard Butt Tight Jeans Mustang
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s fucking perfect.

  24. Kim Kardashian Khloe Kardashian Huge Butts Tight Pants
    why do i even care?
    Commented on this photo:

    i actually think khloe looks alright… covet that jacket!

  25. Victoria Beckham Harper Beckham
    Commented on this photo:

    At least the baby is still capable of displaying human emotion, unlike her mother.

  26. Eva Longoria Butt Tight Dress NCLR ALMA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    LBFM.

  27. January Jones Son Xander With Black Nanny
    Commented on this photo:

    That baby still has a better expression on it’s face than Jayden Smith.

  28. Andy Cohen John Mayer
    Commented on this photo:

    Reminiscing about boobs that shoot whipped cream.

  29. AnnaLynne McCord Nipples No Bra Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    Not that I’m complaining, I’m definitely not, as a matter of fact I wish more female celebs would adopt this dress code, but does this woman own at least one shirt that isn’t transparent?

  30. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d take a weed whacker to both their faces.

  31. Dania Ramirez Cleavage NCLR ALMA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She has nice…..teeth!

  32. Rumer Willis Cleavage Nipples No Bra
    Commented on this photo:

    As if I needed more proof that there’s no god.

  33. Wilmer Valderrama NCLR ALMA Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    He’ll be disappointed when he finds out Dakota Fanning is no longer underage. He’ll refer to her as “legally disgusting”.

  34. Shannon Leto Jared Leto Artifact Premiere TIFF
    Commented on this photo:

    I can picture five consultants giddily giggling their queer eyes out.

  35. Rumer Willis Cleavage Nipples No Bra
    moopy
    Commented on this photo:

    i dunno what you guys are talking about. i think she looks quite pretty. her makeup is nice.

  36. Lake Bell Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    Commented on this photo:

    Poor Superficial readers, do you not keep up with latest in celebrity tit news? After you see this you’ll never forget who she is.
    http://www.kingofcelebs.com/mediaswf.php?type=vid&name=Lake_Bell_How_to_Make_It_in_America_S02E03.flv

    • SafetyMan

      DO NOT CLICK the link above. It leads to a fake video page that is really a link and it tries to drop DOZENS of tracking cookies.

      • Why lie when people can just click the link and figure you out? It leads to a site that specializes in celebrity nudes and the scene in question is Lake Bell getting out of bed topless revealing her glorious tits.

      • Herself

        Thanks, Asshat. Like we all need more tracking cookies on our computer. I think we’ll all let you be the one to click the link and gape at what’s her names “glorious tits.” Like there aren’t a thousand tit based websites we can’t all access already. By all means though, feel free to wake me if John Hamm takes his glorious dog out for a promenade.

      • Jesus, have a shit-hemorrhage. If you don’t like the cookies, fucking dump them. They’re easy enough to delete.

        Thanks, Don. That woman does, indeed, have a marvy pair of lungs. Her keister ain’t too bad, either!

  37. Arnold Schwarzenegger
    Commented on this photo:

    “Iff I stick close enuff to dis gesticulatink idiot, no vun vill notice my stoopidly inapwopwiate old-man mocs.”

  38. Dolph Lundgren
    Ruckus
    Commented on this photo:

    “I must break you.”

  39. Kate Moss Nipples No Bra Tank Top
    Commented on this photo:

    Obviously doesn’t give a fuck anymore.

  40. Jessica Biel Butt Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    Can’t really blame Beardy Boy – I’d be preparing to spank that with all of my might too.

  41. Fiona Apple
    Ruckus
    Commented on this photo:

    JENNY CRAIG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!! said Heroin.

  42. John Travolta Savages Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Xenu cured me of my homosexuality!!”

  43. Mark-Paul Gosselaar Penis Wet Suit
    Commented on this photo:

    This is why Kelly Kapowski left him. I mean, Slater had elastic on the BOTTOM of his jeans. He had to’ve been hung like a horse.

  44. Tyra Banks No Make Up Jogging
    Commented on this photo:

    I knew well about Al Jarreau’s golden voice, but nothing had prepared me for the awesome set of hips the old man was rocking.

  45. Andy Cohen John Mayer
    Commented on this photo:

    Not, but Johnny Mayer likes to play with poop. Like for real.

  46. Malin Akerman Cleavage Creative Arts Emmys
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s fucking beautiful and funny. Love her on Children’s Hospital.

  47. Kat Von D Butt Crack Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Tattoos are ugly and stupid.

  48. Vanessa Hudgens Cleavage Tank Top Legs Short Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    God damn it. She’s wearing boys’ underwear under that shirt. I would personally like to remove them with my teeth.

  49. Fiona Apple
    Commented on this photo:

    She was Kristen Stewart before Kristen Stewart.

    I want to do some criminal things to her.

  50. Rihanna Buttcheek Hole In Dress
    Commented on this photo:

    I love clothes with diddlin’ holes built right in.

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