Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, where we take a weekend’s worth of celebrity nonsense and transmute it into pure gold. It’s just like alchemy, only the gold is dick jokes. Anyway, today we’ve got Wilmer Valderrama showing us his swag bag of high tech gadgets that he will trade to teenagers for sex, while Dolph Lundgren opts for a much more direct approach, Victoria Beckham letting baby Harper know what’s will happen if that double chin isn’t gone by her first birthday, this vampire, who will know haunt your dreams for the next eternity or so, and finally, Mark-Paul Gosselaar‘s epic fail at Hamming (I told you).
Holy Cow! Is that a recognizable person in the Final Five? You’ll have to forgive me, it’s unusual is all..
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
What, its not Kristin Stewart?
Nope – look at her face.
It’s missing the “Woe is me for having millions in the bank and having to deal with all these fans” faraway look.
Yeah, but there’s naked director in laying prone in the front seat.
typing fail :-/
I quit working at shoprite and now I make $35h – $80h…how? I’m working online! My work didn’t exactly make me happy so I decided to take a chance on something new… after 4 years it was so hard to quit my day job but now I couldn’t be happier. Heres what I do,..http://Ace16.com
Ummm, don’t think so, actually looks bathed….
Is she living in a 70′s cop show?
Hair and eyebrows by Sharpie.
John Travolta is the new spokesman for Hair in a Can
I think he may have been sniffing them too.
Also his pupils. Any man that can take a sharpie to the eye can certainly take a bluntie to the ass.
HA! Dang, sorry UJ.
And his pupils. That’s just wrong.
You know, he turned into Commander Data so slowly that none of us even noticed until it was too late…
Commander Theta.
*Applauds the Torgs*
Oh please, he clearly is a vulcano :-)
Looks more like they are ready for a barn raising in rural Pennsylvania.
+1
It must have taken a week to get to Toronto from Lancaster in a buggy…
Yeah, I’d be ashamed too, kid.
Good to see Hank Williams, Jr. is doing well.
You really have to try to look like this big of a tool(s).
Yeah this bullshit takes effort.
“If you pull on the bow, you can see my sexy body!”
“Which one do I pull to cover your face?”
Needs more bible camp necklaces.
Yikes, for a second there I thought he was pointing to a small boy he had in his “NAMBLA” hand bag.
[img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/17/nambla-340_453.jpg[/img]
I just laughed out loud. Well done, sir.
girl those are the wrong pants for doing tricks. haven’t you seen those 70′s show.
The tote bag makes the teachers think I’m one of them!
We definitely need more backstory to this photo.
Yes! What the hell is that thing next to Ahnold?
Twins 2: The Intervention
Wow, too intense girl. Dial it back a notch.
Save that intensity for the bedroom.
Terrifying face.
Well let’s look beyond that Kimmy and give her some credit. She was quite good as a child actress. I for one think she did a fine job as the fetish doll in Trilogy of Terror.
Is he going on tour with Motley Crue?
finally finding out who his daddy is
Just pick him out of the line up sweetie.
Man, even her cheeseball husband has been cutting back on his firearms purchases. They MUST be bankrupt.
Good. We needed two of these.
Haha this is great!
Well, he wasn’t “at” the awards ceremony so much as they just happened to be holding it near his dumpster.
Hahahahahaha…I think you nailed it!
bitch please! you are not Kim Kardashian and that is not a black microphone.
I think she just gave my eyes an STD.
“….And zen…Roy mumbles to me “Put dis child’s large head up my butt”…and eva zince zen, we’ve been in love with him.”
70′s hookers had V.D.
I bet you’re right.
Back in the 70′s VD was curable with a shot of penicillin. Safe sex meant your folks were out of town.
The good old days before I was even born.
Yeah, that’s real interesting about how you want to be an actress and all…oh look, here’s a cab.
ROBOCOP
Wow, those hair extensions really DO make David Spade look younger.
Did they even try to stitch his head back on straight?
…Straight. LOL.
Can you imagine some of the fucked up shit those poor tigers have seen?
See this bag? I’m going be living off the contents of this bag for a week.
Annnnnd…..
Cue moment the cute 23 year old who was flirting with an aging celebrity in a club for fun just realized she’s going to have to put his veiny penis in her mouth!
After patiently waiting 45 minutes for the viagra to kick in.
At least they have a solid 4 hours before they need to call a doctor about it.
After patiently waiting 45 minutes for the via gra to kick in.
What do you wanna bet he whispers “I must break you” before entering?
It’s smaller than his Hyperion Bay residuals.
As someone who has a very specific starving-East-European -factory-worker fetish, I approve.
“This is a bag of dicks, would you like to help me suck?”
Umm…I just don’t get it. It’s not physically possible. I vote ‘magical butt implants’ I have a booty as well so I am definitely not hating…maybe a little lol
There is nothing to envy in this picture. Except maybe that sweet turquoise van.
BRAINSSSSS
Okay, who wants to see my van?
Argh, beat me right out of the starting gates.
you mean mail truck
Disgusting
Kardashians have the Penguin butt.
This is horrific…
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Get outta my dreams AND INTO MY CAR!
Yo Dawg! Idol’s gonna be a train wreck this season.
you put it in her butt??? no way!!!
The exact moment Newman realized he could grab the small girl and *probably* make it to the nearby idling van without getting caught.
He wasn’t looking at a little girl. Its a farmers market so he was eyeing the sheep.
Someone just asked her if she had the shrimp.
She’s getting fatter by the second
DAFUQ?
these guys aren’t tools – they’re the whole fucking box
E.T. run home?
lower
Yes, LOWER, LOWER.
He has reached a state of “Clear”.
He looks like count dracula
1, 2. 2! 2 lawsuits from a masseur! AH AH AH!
I vant to suck your…. no but seriously, just stick it in my mouth. Just the tip. It’ll be OK.