The Crap We Missed – Monday 8.26.13

August 26th, 2013 // 670 Comments

Welcome to a post-awards-show-weekend Monday edition of The Crap We Missed. Roughly translated, that means there’s a ton of shit in here. I’m tempted to point you right to the end of this gallery for my favorite selections from the VMAs, starting here, followed by Tommy Lee DJaculating and all ending with news that Miss Butt Brazil is getting its own show. I can’t wait for you to get there, but I don’t want you to miss Flynn‘s 21st birthday party that’s supposedly taking place in a nightclub, but we all know it’s an IHOP, Gerard Depardieu still wondering why nobody took his cookie order yet, or John Malkovich trying to explain to this little girl why he’s wearing her grandmother’s pajamas.

Wait, Marc Anthony was at that Scientology Gala thing too?

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Jada Pinkett Smith Cleavage Bra Open Denim Shirt Afro Punk Festival Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    “I call this one “The Miley Cyrus,” MotherF@#%’ers!”

  2. Lady Gaga Breast Being Groped By Female Fan Outside Terry Richardson Studio
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    No conventional mainstream pop music star would allow her fans to grope her breasts like that. But then Lady Gaga is a different kind of mainstream pop music star.

  3. Gwyneth Paltrow Nipples Sideboob No Bra Sundress
    Commented on this photo:

    The Most Beautiful Woman in the World appears to have a fairly advanced case of titty sag.

  4. Tommy Lee Coked Up Insane Face DJ Set Gryphon Nightclub
    patch
    Commented on this photo:

    Gotta hit the space bar in 5 seconds, 4, 3…
    (Women behind him: Will he hit the space bar at the right moment?!?!?!?!?! GASP!!!!)

  5. Sarah Jessica Parker Swimsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    Unbeknownst to Matthew Broderick, the yacht he rented had a mirror on it.

  6. Lady Gaga Breast Being Groped By Female Fan Outside Terry Richardson Studio
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, Terry! It’s OK, I know the drill. Go ahead and grope me and we can start shooting.”
    “I’m not Ter- Sure, why not?”

  7. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mr Malkavik, why are you wearing a dress?”

    “It’s Malcovich kid, and this is not a dress, it’s a practical unigarmet that disassembles social perceptions of gender fashion and presents a united statement of rejecting bigotry”

    “oh, but is that a purse?”

    “yes, this is my purse”

  8. Sarah Jessica Parker Swimsuit
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    A horse walks onto a yacht. The yacht captain asks, “Why the long face? Also, we don’t allow horses on this yacht.”

  9. Harrison Ford Yelling At Crowd
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, no! Calista just fell through a sewer grate! Are you alright, honey?”

  10. Lena Dunham Carrying Food And Drinks
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look, I’m dating Superman AND Batman!”

  11. Lady Gaga Breast Being Groped By Female Fan Outside Terry Richardson Studio
    Commented on this photo:

    that sign spelled “skanks” wrong

  12. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Implants In Touch 6th Annual Idols & Icons Event
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    I know your career path is similar to Paris Hilton’s, but do you have to have the same wonkie eyes?

  13. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Implants In Touch 6th Annual Idols & Icons Event
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the only ATM machine I’ve ever seen that’s deposit only.

  14. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    Commented on this photo:

    One of the saddest con jobs of all time…Beauty Con.

  15. Willow Smith Jaden Smith Arrogant Faces VMAs
    blerg
    Commented on this photo:

    and all of a sudden it’s a spiderman thread…

  16. Katy Perry Wearing Grill Leather Bra Miniskirt Knee High Socks VMAs Afterparty
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice try, grill, but I still see breasts.

  17. Gerard Depardieu Estaimpuis Belgium Honorary Citizenship Ceremony
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m just here for the waffles, you guys.”

  18. Richard Dean Anderson Fat Jowls Fan Expo Canada
    Commented on this photo:

    “…so I took the duct tape, aluminum foil, car batteries and the dead cat, put them all together and made a turkey dinner for 30 poeple out of them. Which I then ate”

  19. Busy Philipps Post Baby Body Comedy Central Roast Of James Franco
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow! How did Comedy Central ever get a star the magnitude of Busy Philipps to attend one of their roasts?

  20. Mischa Barton Fat Legs
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    (She’s So Heavy)

  21. Evan Ross Joe Simpson Revolve Beach House
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Ebonyyyy and leecher kingggg

  22. Justin Timberlake Looking Terrified Of Guy In Military Uniform
    Commented on this photo:

    The hands in this picture make it too much like an Escher piece

  23. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Implants In Touch 6th Annual Idols & Icons Event
    Commented on this photo:

    Nope. The fake boobs need to be even bigger! I can still see her face.

  24. Carla Howe Melissa Howe Bikini Hugh Hefner Playboy Mansion
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sure their parents must be proud. What father doesn’t want the best for his twin daughters…and by best I mean “a 90 year old cock to share”.

    • I guess you could think of it as they each get a 45-year old cock. In retrospect, the Dahm triplets had this figured out best of all, didn;t they?

  25. Richard Dean Anderson Fat Jowls Fan Expo Canada
    Commented on this photo:

    Need to get a bigger Star Gate.

  26. Jada Pinkett Smith Cleavage Bra Open Denim Shirt Afro Punk Festival Performance
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know what she’s performing, but she needs to cut her nails before THAT move.

  27. Milla Jovovich Nipples See Through Shirt
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s off to kick the crap out of some more zombies! But first she needs to stop at the store for more stonewash.

  28. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pregnant Belly Brian Hallisay
    Commented on this photo:

    The black guy wore it better.

  29. Terrence Howard Skullcap Indiana Jones Hat Yellow Sneakers
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    Sweet MLK Junior tote, bro.

  30. Justin Timberlake Looking Terrified Of Guy In Military Uniform
    Commented on this photo:

    “wait…you’re saying Afghanistan is a REAL place?”

  31. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pregnant Belly Brian Hallisay
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, she got fat.

  32. Willow Smith Jaden Smith Arrogant Faces VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay, on three…You look disinterested, and you look retarded! Okay, one…two…”

  33. Mischa Barton Fat Legs
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Lots of leg bruises, always a good sign that life is going well.

  34. Richard Dean Anderson Fat Jowls Fan Expo Canada
    Commented on this photo:

    Can you get stuck in a worm hole?

  35. Tara Reid Bikini Jedward Yacht Raft
    Commented on this photo:

    Her stomach looks okay from this distance.

  36. Foxy Brown Cleavage Spandex Dress Long Blonde Extensions VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    In all fairness, she is still brown.

  37. Miley Cyrus Buttcheeks Bangerz Shirt Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    “My name is Barash…”

    (Obscure ST:TNG reference to freakishly long fingers.)

  38. Harrison Ford Yelling At Crowd
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like he’s fallen back in the pit of vipers.

  39. RJ Mitte 21st Birthday Party Ghostbar
    Commented on this photo:

    Totally thought this was Gavin Rossdale…so… good for him, I guess? I dunno.

  40. Sarah Jessica Parker Swimsuit
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Matthew Broderick ran out of sugar cubes.

  41. RJ Mitte 21st Birthday Party Ghostbar
    Commented on this photo:

    “Let me see if I have this rusty trombone thing down right…”

  42. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    Commented on this photo:

    Not sure how this is supposed to revamp her image, but Paula Deen’s new look is different, I guess.

  43. Lena Dunham Carrying Food And Drinks
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Celery juice, orange juice, tomato juice, eggnog milkshake with extra fat…

  44. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks as if John and his friend swapped clothes.

  45. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sometimes when my nana gets drunk, she takes off her wig”

  46. Lena Dunham Carrying Food And Drinks
    Commented on this photo:

    “Garçon! Coffee!”
    “Garçon means boy.”
    “What’s your point?”

  47. John Malkovich Wearing Pajamas Talking To Child
    Margaret
    Commented on this photo:

    Hooray for King Malkovich. Fuck the norm. Malkovich!

  48. Kelly Osbourne Purple Hair BeautyCon
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, I don’t know why I was invited here either.

  49. Jeffrey Ross Cornrows Gold Teeth Comedy Central Roast Of James Franco
    EricLR
    Commented on this photo:

    So, I see you girls are in the George Clooney ex-girlfriend protection program…

  50. Farrah Abraham Cleavage Implants In Touch 6th Annual Idols & Icons Event
    Margaret
    Commented on this photo:

    Who took a picture of her? Stop doing that.

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