Welcome to another overstuffed Monday edition of The Crap We Missed, where we take a weekend’s worth of seemingly innocent celebrity candid photos and whip them into a batter of fat jokes and dick puns. Like if you walked into a bakery and ordered a cake, but instead the staff just called you fat and gay. Anyway, today we realize that the producers of Gossip Girl are avid readers of the site, it’s a shame what bronze medal winners have to do to get anybody to give a shit about them, and Dolph Lundgren remembers the time Jean-Claude Van Damme showed him Thailand.
Back by the Internet’s insatiable lust for underage looking girls in bikini pics popular demand, Nathalia Ramos is your Final Five,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
I remember when it used to be difficult to get a picture of her rear end. Somebody must have bills to pay…
McConaughey sperm is almost as strong a Skarsgard sperm. Almost.
If McConaughey and Skarsgard ever cross paths, vaginas everywhere will melt and flood the planet.
Don’t even throw a Fassbender in that mix……just don’t.
Oh my god no. I fh that were to happen, women everywhere would start slaughtering every other man on the planet because they would be so inadequate in their eyes when compared to the unholy trinity.
Harry Potter and the 3 day ecstasy binge.
This talentless bitch from UK X-Factor crossed the pond?
Get rid of her, NOW, before the media-machine makes ‘tweens think she’s relevant!
I take it this is the UK Snooky.
Beat me to it.
I was gonna ask “who” but it doesn’t really matter.
(Uncontrollable sobbing) “Look… I don’t know how it happened.. (sob) but the ice cream just MELTED!!…”
Penguins aren’t supposed to be sexy.
Scott Bakula as Sam Elliot as Wade Garrett in the Road House remake.
What’s up Meeho?
Wouldn’t you watch that?
Why do I keep thinking Geraldo Rivera every time I see this guy?!!!
You’re not the only one.
“You’re only 15 Sweetie? Would you like me to sign it in crayon?”
…or with my dick?”
I wonder how much he gets negotiated down by people asking for his autograph. Like I bet he ends up just signing shit for some smelly pennies and pocket lint.
Look at her. She’s not even trying and she’s near-perfect.
JusthangingouthavingagoodtimemanHeywhydon’tyouguysandgalsstoponbyandwecanhavesomedrinksandrelaxbythepoolman?
Lard ass!
Ewwww to her granny-looking ass! Just ewwwwwww!
Someone explain to me, with all that cellulite, it’s the TOP of her back that sweats????
He always struck me as looking mentally retarded.
I believe the politically correct term, Sparky, is:
“A Developmentally-Challenged African-American Gentleman”.
African-American will do just fine.
whoa, buddy.
Hey, ‘thatdude’…
My comment was a riff on the Political Correctness stupidity and the fact that even a perfectly acceptable word like ‘retarded’ (means ‘held back’, or ‘delayed’) now has to be referred to in the mainstream press as ‘The ‘R’ Word”.
Please don’t tack comments like that onto mine.
Well said.
Triple thumbs up, Johnny P. it just wouldn’t let me.
@thatdude:thumbs down
JohnnyP! – you are not clever nor are you one to be the joke police. “African American will doo just fine” is fucking hilarious, you pole smoking prick.
Please don’t tack comments like that onto mine.
I see what you did there.
Thanks, Sparky. I knew you wouldn’t write that…
wtf, they did away with ‘nigtard’ already? I just can’t keep up with this shit.
“Christ, it’s here for 5 minutes and already Paris Hilton drips herpie on it.”
ROFLMFAO!
I’m thinking he’s going to get a 10.
Centimeters. The pool ain’t that warm.
Looks like he’s already on his way to scoring three 10′s, an 8, a 6, and a 4. Probably a very low degree of difficulty.
Not
Either the entire cast of Jersey Shore are fucking Hobbits, or they all hang around oversized ‘prop’ vehicles…
WTF?!?
Alright, alright, alright.
I guess they’re already working on casting for the Batman reboot.
Attaboy!
Exactly…fuck the pretense and just get hold of it.
OMG – for a second I thought she was kissing Sean Penn.
Why does he always have that stupid expression on his face?
look at who his father is
His father.. Right out of a turkey baster.. Scientology style.
Where’s B&WMInstrel? He had an earlier comment about being a bully when he was younger and something like Jaden here would be considered entrapment. Wheres a good bully when you need one?
A gay Beaver Cleaver driving a hearse?
Neil Diamond: FTW!!!
‘Bout fucking time, way to go, Neil!!!
C’mon! I don’t care how old/young you are… you had to have the chorus from ‘Sweet Caroline” go through your head when you read his name!
Love him.
Well, we know what they *weren’t* doing…..
Where’s Pepaw?
Sorta want?
You keep that up and Sam Elliot *WILL* come kick your ass, you know.
Pepa? You mean heffer!
Is there a factory In Europe where old men go buy their girlfriends from?!!!
Yes, it’s called Ukraine.
Malcolm P
Spreading her “Witches’ Butter” all over her back-up dancers will not make them straight.
Didn’t work for her current beau…
There’s Pepaw!
That’s what he needed for respectability….. BIGGER SHOES.
No, you still look fat even when squeezing your face together sorry.
Uh, Neil, that’s not actually your star…
old dudes don’t usually get to pick where they have a massive stroke.
God she’s fat
Thumbs up-just won’t let me
Did she eat Peppa?!!!
I think I’ve used the word ‘gay’ one time too many for today’s Crap We Missed (and I’m not the least bit homophobic), so I’ll pass on this one…
He’s got a role coming up that a complete departure for him. He plays an assassin, I think. I’m looking forward to it.
Because those pants dont scream gay at all…
At this point I’m pretty sure both of his kids are a little confused about their sexuality. I’m all for self-expression, etc., but c’mooooon.
damn, I saw this dork’s face and thought ‘now that’s a face that needs a good punching’ – and that was before I scrolled down and saw his pants!
Hanson…come out to playyyyyyy.
Brilliant
They’re filming The Machinist 2?
We need Iveski’s “I Choke Reopard Rike Dis”
pic again.
Even more apropos this time…
Forrest Klump.
Well, that should be a stop to any gay rumors.